Peter Agreed - most top stars use the Nashville Network - I have no intention of going that route. Every two weeks Taxi puts out its listings and as a member you can submit whichever of your songs you want. Taxi's A&R staff critiques it and decides whether it's suitable for that particular listing or not - if they forward it their job is done. After it's forwarded the writer waits for contact to be made . . . it can take awhile. Time permitting, Taxi will send you a critique if the song is not forwarded. The Cost? There is the annual fee and you send in $5 for each submission. There is also another fee which puts you on a quick turnaround contact for supplying TV and Films. Why not?? Still one of the best options out there, and publisher's will accept material ONLY if they are contacted first.

Marc Boy that was alot to think about. Thanks for taking the time to do this - much appreciated. Where to begin? How about the things I agree with first?
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If you’re going to answer your question “Was lovin' her worth that?” during the song, then I would do so once only and right at the end – the last time the question is asked. Fill in with “I really don't know” in each of the other lines. This maintains the suspense.

Very good point - I agree and will implement.
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I concur with Sam in the need for a clearer bridge and with Noel in the need for a hook (although I would be looking for one before the start of each verse). I would want it played on a harder hitting instrument too – maybe an electric gtr.

Agreed. About hooks - generally they are the word phrase or tune from the chorus which sticks with people - identifiable instrument hooks are harder to come by . . . best of the bunch at this are The Stones and Beatles/McCartney. But then again I have to worry less about because I'm the writer . . . .if I can come up with the instrumental hook so much the better.

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I feel the ending should come in just 4 bars after lyric finishes. This would tie the song off more neatly, taking it back to its ‘key signature’ chord.

Totally agree . . . needs to be trimmed, the song is nudging 4 min.

I like "My blood runs cold."

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Some of the lines sound a little clunky to me, in terms either of meaning,
- “It flies where it feels”

Don't know how clunky this is - that's what a memory does to you, you never know when it's going to dredge up something from your past when you least expect it. Maybe define "clunky" - did you mean awkward, unclear, obscure?

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rhyme (I have a thing against half rhymes)

I think if you take that attitude you're cutting yourself off from many storytelling elements. I actually went this morning on-line to search out rhyming rules. This type of rhyme is an acknowledged form of rhyming called "approximate rhyming" if you need to keep up the pace and flow if you can't find an exact rhyme. I think using it increases the storytelling possibilities.

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In particular I think the verse beginning ‘I bite..’ needs something of a review.

Do you think the phrase "I bite the dust" is too obsure - I was trying to find a different way of saying "I lose at love" and even though I do I still want to make that connection but everytime I meet someone new I think back to the last loss.

Thanks for being interested - it's important.

Ian

Ian
My "Original Tunes" Site
My gene pool needs more chlorine.