I'm still having physiotherapy, electro-therapy and ultra-sound (Man! I dig that ultra-sound! Wish I could get something rigged up with PG software! ) and yet, in those weeks where I don't get it, I seem to revert to before the operation after a full week with no therapy - shaking hands, muscle cramps and so on. It is almost as if the operation achieved nothing sometimes. I am still far from conducting a normal life.

It seems I fall between two stools here in Vienna: I am still benefiting from the National Health Service in the UK (as a 'visitor') and I am not in the Austrian National Health System (it's free in the UK but you have to pay for it here). However, as a 'visitor' (I have actually been here for just over 7 years now), all my medical treatment comes under 'urgent need' and this means I have to visit the health authorities every two weeks to get an extension on my therapy.

As to my g/f - we split up in September immediately after a short fun holiday break in Rome with her mother and brother. The holiday was great and I was totally stunned when she said she suddenly wanted to call a halt to proceedings. I put it down to her employment stresses and my health problems over the summer (though the health problems shouldn't have been an issue for her as she is a qualified though never practised MD). She claims it is because I am too egocentric (there maybe more than a grain of truth in that ). Now she has me going to 'couple therapy' with her, which seems very strange considering we don't live together and have not been a couple for over two months. Women?

Then the pound takes a nose-dive against the Euro and wipes one third off the value of my income (currently living on money from the UK) and the government cuts down interest to a negligible level, when I am living off what little capital reserves I have left. I have about 18 months tops to fully recover and generate a decent income or I will be on the streets (in more ways than one).

Last night I was asked by a new acquaintance, an artist from Hamburg, how I was dealing with the 'after operation' depression. I wasn't even aware that 'after operation depression' existed! Considering I had a major operation for cancer two years ago (that I am still suffering physical recuperation problems with), the spinal operation this summer, the break up with the most wonderful g/f I have ever had (and I have had more than my fair share), the economic crisis, the collapse of the pound, a sick dog (who won't stop attacking herself due to skin irritation - it has cost me over €100 already in vet's bills), a never-ending need for medication (thyroid problems for the rest of my life that can only be treated with private medicine from the US), a father with health problems, a mother with financial problems, a flat that I can't clean and can't afford a cleaner for, lack of employment (I couldn't be relied upon to work at the moment anyway) and many more besides, it is a wonder I am still here... I put it down to my musician friends, here on this forum and in Vienna, and the support I am having with my song-writing (thanks very much: Skyline, Wyndham, Rich, John Conley, John Whitney, Mike and others - you guys are being so supportive and I am so grateful).

'Post operative depression'? I'm still here and I'm still going for it.

Still, I have written enough songs for an album this year! My backing vocals are on a CD that a friend of mine produced under his own label! I have had some gigs! My voiceover work is finally beginning to create a market for itself! RealBand has finally arrived and I am having so much fun with it! AND, I seem to have finally ended my now 2.5 year long battle with my computers to get them to be where I want them and to do what I want them to do! Roll on beta testing on BIAB 2009!

Where would I be without music? Probably six feet under...

I feel a blues song coming on

Follow That Dream

Sam
Karaoke King

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Turning that corner again - I have to keep following that dream, no matter what