This is the first time I've heard this.....

Not at all what I expected.

Dave, honestly, the falsetto just doesn't fit this song. Some songs and some artists have made a career from singing falsetto, but this isn't one of them. Sing this at least one octave lower.

Man I don't mean to sound insulting because it's not meant to be at all.... I think there's a good song in there.... you just need to sing that good song. Save the falsetto for a song that works in falsetto.

That's all I can say for right now. scrap the vocal and record it lower.

You can find my music at:
www.herbhartley.com
Add nothing that adds nothing to the music.
You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both.

The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.