Nice writing and arrangement. Decently sung, too - I enjoyed it.

Two tips you might find helpful:

1. The microphone is distorting your vocals. That means that you're probably too close, and you're overpowering the poor microphone.

Don't sing any softer, just move a bit further away from the microphone.

In recording studios, audio engineers spend a lot of time setting up the microphones, testing them out at different distances, making sure they get they best recording. You might want to try the same thing - move back a bit from the microphone, and hear how it sounds.

2. You're speaking instead of singing in some places. Think of singing as sustained vowels, briefly interrupted by consonants. If you don't hold those lovely vowels longer than you would when speaking, we won't hear those beautiful notes!

An exercise that you might try to get out of the habit of speaking the words is to first sing a lyric with only the vowel sounds. So if you have the line: I love pizza, you'd first sing "Aaaaaay Uuuuuuh Eeeee-uuuuuuuh". That way, you can focus on the pitch and tone, and then add the consonants in once you're happy with that.

I'm looking forward to hearing more from you! laugh

-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?