The forward vocal and reverb remind me, oddly, of Honey by Bobby Goldsboro.
You've addressed the plural disagreement of the title and hook and fair enough as you're the writer.
To my ears it does clunk each time I hear it.
There seems to be some clash underneath the end of this line "And I turn and walk away"
I know the sense of what your mean when you sang
"There's a room were she is holding me" struck me as suggesting restraint/kidnapping and took my mind away from the narrative.
Finally your voice lacks the certainty of the rest of the song when you sing the last word in "I see them every day".
Excellent narrative, well supported by the arrangement and a cool melody.

Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe