Listening to the new version as I type...
I'm not fussed on the ahhhs/choir.
The beginning of many sung phrases has a sort of aggressive crack to it - could be the compressor struggling to capture the transient.
The melody is nice though the repeated upward swing at the end of lines becomes a little unnerving at times. as is the sr5idency added by the backing vocals in the last sections of the song.
The "false rhymes" are OK - given what rap has done to pop but
"You were always my rock that made me feel so save
But time has no mercy. Although you're so brave" bogged me.
I assume it should be ....safe and ....brave.
All of that aside it's a lovely narrative and arrangement.
Well done.

Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe