Originally Posted By: Robertkc
Janne,
I like upbeat pop songs that avoid cliche`s ( Mr Frame was a good inspiration, I`m glad you mentioned his songs!).
You have a good chorus melody with and an arrangement that captures the feel of guitar driven pop.Not preachy to me.
I agree the vocals could be brought up in the mix.
You asked for feedback;there are a few phrases that sound a little awkward:
please take my suggestions on this verse with a grain of salt- I don`t take kindly to people messing with my lyrics!

You may be keen to judge
to swing your sword of justness
(justice)
you may look for smudge
(look to smudge/look for a smudge)
reasons to oppress
but might's not set to misapply
(your might`s misapplied)
first take the timber out of your eye.

Robert


Thanks Robert, I truly appreciate your kind words and valuable feedback blush As a non-native English speaker I'm more than happy and grateful to receive correction for my awkward English, it's difficult to notice many simple things, especially when I have looked the same lyrics for many months, sort of word fatigue. Like with the "misapply" case, I think I was trying to say "set to be misapplied"... but that has too many words, so I'm now trying to simplify the sentence: "might is wisdom when applied…", I hope that is not so awkward.

I thought justness is a synonym for justice, at least I couldn't find any real difference for those words via net... but to solve the rhyming dilemma with justice, I'm trying my luck with "sword of virtue" (and rhyming with verb subdue - not a perfect rhyme but enough for me), I think that fits better also because justice is very close to judge, which I have already used. Originally I was thinking righteousness, but it has too many syllables.

Janne

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