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moohead Offline OP
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http://mooheadradio.com/music/stressdemo1.wma

I wrote this song a few years ago. It is unlike others I have written. Arranging it has become a real difficulty because I cannot categorize it.

It needs an overhaul. I have started this with a raw piano accompaniment so you folks can hear the melody uncluttered. I then add different layers of tracks.

To my ears, it loses emotion as the tracks pile on. Is this just meant to be a straight piano song (like in a musical) or can it do with more power in a completely different genre?

I'd love your opinions on this, because, frankly, I am lost right now! Remember the production on this is unfinished and raw. Also, a vocal line is missing, because I couldn't hit the note this early in the morning!!!!!

Moo


If it has four legs and moos...it MIGHT be Mr Moohead.
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I would class it as a rock ballad. Although it does not sound like him at all, I am strongly reminded of David Bowie, Harry Chapin, or something from a rock opera.

I would say build as you want musically. The emotion comes through the words and your tone of voice rather than musical dynamics. A gritty rhythm guitar added during the second verse and a singing guitar lead--or a cello--after the second verse (and playing a countermelody thereafter) would not be out of place.

Adapt the line so that you can sing it rather than worrying about making "the note." The message is the important thing here and outweighs the delivery.

I think highly of what you have shared so far. (I also think it is closer to being finished than you do.) This one is worth developing.

R.


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As Ryszard commented, the song is well on it's way with the arrangement you have - remember if it is possible, you can play around with the bpms (if midi tracks) or sound stretch to speed up and slow down a few % to increase/decrease intensity as a substitute for emotion, then thin the arrangement at emotional times and lean in/out to the mic > closer more intimate, roughen your voice for "angst" at slower tempos.

It doesn't need more power - reminiscent of Billy Joe at first listen - see how he plays with arrangements. One of the best "emotional" "intimate" vocals I remember listening to growing up was Olivia Newton in "I Honestly Love You" - re-listen and see how she handled her voice. You've got good character in your voice - round noted and superb tremolo do not always a heartfelt performance make, Moo. Raw and unfinished can be good - bad notes not so.

This is good - I like it.


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how about going the other way

start with the full orchestration and reduce the parts until it's just your vocal


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I'm hearing Kristofferson-like overtones. I frankly don't think your little lyric idea is clever enough to carry the song, but it's close. I'd start, personally, with a rewrite of the lyrics and this time not rely so heavily on the cleverness of that one lyrical idea.

maybe I'm dense, but I don't think you took the idea anywhere either. How do you give stress? Who do you give stress to? What is their reaction? Lyrics should usually tell a story, not just state your condition.

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With respect, Jeff, I disagree.

A huge, huge number of lyrics/songs are about a condition or an emotion and do not tell a story. Country lyrics tend to be stories but lyrics that are less overtly country tend to be about feelings and conditions. Also, just like some painters choose to paint pictures using realism, others choose to explore more abstract methods. The same choice of realistic versus abstract applies to any pursuit that's artistic - dance, film, lyrics, music, etc. "White Shade Of Pale" for example; I still puzzle over what the lyrics mean as a whole. "American Pie" is another example. Many of the Beatles songs are also not too clear lyrically but that didn't stop them from being hugely successful.


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So Noel96,

Am I correct then in assuming that your candid advice to moohead is, "Wow, great song!"? The way songwriting works, practically the only songs that can find an audience in significant numbers are those which are expertly crafted and fairly well executed.
Both songs you cited, for example, are intricate, involved and move a story line forward through lyrical expression. Don't confuse "story" with "simplistic." I don't want your lyrics to necessarily be "overt," as you put it, but they DO need to go somewhere. Each verse must advance the amount of information, even if cryptically, given to your listener, and even each phrase of the verse.
Even the seemingly simplest of the really great songs that have stood the test of time do that. Think of the early Beatles catalog - I Want to Hold Your hand, etc.
You are correct that the country writers (in large) are more overt, but incorrect that many time-tested songs merely express a feeling. Each new verse phrase unfolds more of what the writer is feeling, not by simple restatement, but layer by layer, like peeling an onion.
With "I Want to Hold Your Hand," for example, we learn that this couple who seem so innocent and at the start of their relationship (the hand holding stage, if you will) are probably really past that stage (he's already asking to be her man) but he's still so enthralled with her that merely holding her hand still excites him. McCartney/Lennon wait until half way through the song to even reveal that in fact he is in love with her. That's even a greater revelation than that he wants to hold her hand, i.e. lyrically the song moves forward, advancing verse by verse, so much so that even the choruses (which, by nature are repetitive) take on new meaning with each re-hearing.
In short, there are plenty of people on the forum who write, "Wow, great song" and we all need a little pat on the back from time to time, but please don't react against me when I'm trying to be truly helpful. Honest critique is one of the few things that helps a writer truly improve and one of the hardest things to find.
And by the way, to compare moohead's song to Kristofferson is a compliment where I come from.

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"How do you give stress? Who do you give stress to? What is their reaction?"

Answer: Shortly after my Mom passed away, my Dad was a hurting puppy. I told him he needed to take on something to eliminate the excess stress in his life (he's had 2 heart attacks). When I told him he was stressing, he responded "I don't have stress...I give it".

In this context, he denied feeling tension, but was more willing to make others feel it.

So I wrote a song about a fictitious person (not my Dad) who is in total denial about what they feel and what they want.

Now....deconstructing "I wanna hold your hand" seems a wee bit anal to me. That Beatles song is sheer fun and exhiliration. It makes me feel good. To analyze beyond that seems over-analytical.

As for the Stress song, I appreciate the lyrical input from everyone. And like most things we see and hear, people see and hear them differently. It is subjective.

Suffice it to say, mentioning the Beatles, Kristofferson, etc in a thread about "Stress" is kinda sacriligious. But I enjoy even pale comparisons to great work!!!! And I also enjoy critiques of all kinds. That's why I post this stuff.

Thanks Jeff for your input.

Moo


If it has four legs and moos...it MIGHT be Mr Moohead.
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