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Journeyman
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Journeyman
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Hi All, It's been a while since my last song I posted here. Here is a new one. Hope you'll enjoy the listen. As always: all comments are welcome! http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8612366Cheers Superbron
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Not bad my friend. You have come a long way in a short time!
The only suggestion I can make would be on the vocals. It gets a little “boomy” when you hit those high notes in the chorus. Maybe some EQ, compression and gain control on those parts would help.
A really good start here. I really like the lyrics! An original?
Dad, how will I know when I've become an adult.
When your day is ruined because they rearranged the grocery store.
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
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The high notes....
Either reduce modulation on them or hire Mags from A-ha to sing them!!!
This sounds like Scandinavian pop to me. Me likey.
Moo
If it has four legs and moos...it MIGHT be Mr Moohead.
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I'd probably hate this song after hearing it once an hour for three weeks--but it's the kind of song that should get the opportunity to be heard that way. Or at least on the college stations. Won't take much to get it into Top 40 trim, my friend. I like it, too.
R.
"My primary musical instrument is the personal computer."
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Very nice and well susng. Good job.
Dan
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Hi Superbron,
I like it. It's got a good vibe and is really easy to listen to. The high notes didn't sound too boomy to me but you might have already had a bit of a play around with Mario's suggestions.
Have you ever come across Andrea Stolpe in your travels across the internet? If not, Andrea is an extremely competent singer/songwriter who also lectures in songwriting at Berklee College of Music. She's written a really excellent little book called Popular Lyric Writing: 10 Steps to Effective Story Telling. I'm reading it for the umpteenth time at the moment. It's brilliant. The reason I'm recommending it is because it's right in front on me while I'm typing and I thought you might like to know about it. If you ever need thoughts on how to lyrically make a song soar up into the stratosphere, this book gives excellent ideas.
Regards,
Noel
MY SONGS...Audiophile BIAB 2026
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Hey Superbron,
I like the song. Vocal highs in the chorus sound fine to me.
On some parts the lyrics don't flow too well. Perhaps drop/change a few words. The song could use some more dynamic: chorus can be more powerful. Overall mix sounds a bit thin to me.
This song has the potential to become a hit record. I really like the song and the song-idea. Work on it some more: you've got a good thing going here!
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I certainly like this tune - found myself hitting play a couple times. I am with Mike in the mix sounds a little thin. May be the verb settings and panning - everything sounds far away. Something could be done on the mastering end to help thicken it up.
I would certainly like to hear it again after you make some adjustments.
Thanks for sharing
The Powderman
Learning something new everyday
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Quote:
On some parts the lyrics don't flow too well. Perhaps drop/change a few words. The song could use some more dynamic: chorus can be more powerful. Overall mix sounds a bit thin to me.
This song has the potential to become a hit record. I really like the song and the song-idea. Work on it some more: you've got a good thing going here!
That about nails it.
Great potential. Good vocals.
Mick
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The critic above IMHO is right on, you are just a tweak or two away from a very professional sounding project.
On a side note: Mario brings up a great point about "how far you have come" and by this I mean it could apply to many of us here on the forum. With that said I think it would be a very interesting project to post some comparisons, i.e., the first song posted vs. an example of recent work. I know that besides everyone's personal learning curve, PG Music's improvements will also so stand out. Just saying.
Later,
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Yup. Me too. Not too much. This is a far cry from what you started out doing. This sounds like a good creation. The mix was good too.
It's hard to hit those hi notes but they didn't sound bad to me. I've heard pro recordings that weren't any better than your song. Good on ya.
Russ Anyday above ground is a good day Computer is Hp Pavillion Vision 6 Ghz quad core AMD processor 8 Gig memory 1 TB hard drive 6 GB hard drive Windows 7 Premium Loose nut behind the keyboard 
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Cool tune. Good job. Nothing I can say.
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Journeyman
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Journeyman
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Thanks all for listening and your advice!
@MarioD: thanks I will have a listen again and apply some compression if needed. Yes, it's an original indeed.
@Moohead: What exactly do you mean with the reduction of modulation? Do you think I should sing those notes lower?
@Mike Sings: what part of the lyrics didn't flow too well? I agree with you on the overall mix: I've been struggling with mastering this song, I will have a look (erm.. listen) at this once more.
Again: thanks all for your time and critique
Cheers
Superbron
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Always a pleasure to hear your compositions Bron, and well worth waiting for.
There’s a lot to like here, in particular (for me)
the contrast of the gtr (the one that starts at 00:20) with the piano
the melody throughout the song
the sentiments in the lyric which are clear and well expressed
Some suggestions I would make if you’re still working on this one..
I think you manage fine with the higher parts of the song, although I do hear perhaps a little too much fluctuation in the volume of the vox track.
The guitar sound (the one that starts at 00:20) is quite aggressive and at times it sounds like it is competing with the vox.
The lyrics do not always fit naturally into the lines – one noticeable example is the 2nd line of the chorus, I think the stress might fall more naturally on ‘OUT’. This could easily be managed (but it’s difficult to explain how in writing!)
I would have been inclined to extend ‘too’ until the end of the bar and insert another bar for ‘late’ in the ‘lead-in’ section just before the chorus (this would ruin the symmetry of the structure but I think would add to the impact of this section).
You were obviously trying to do something here, as a recording glitch can still be heard at 01:16.
At present maybe the song suffers from having too many different sections, making it hard for the listener to pick up the structure. The current version has:
a) ‘lower melody’ section (lines 1-4)
b) lead in section (‘why did you go’)
c) alternative melody section (‘I still feel the pain…’)
d) the chorus
…plus of course the solo section, plus the ‘drums only’ lead-in section.
I just wonder whether all of this may be slightly too much in a 4 minute pop song
I really like the lower melody used in the first four lines and would have stuck with this throughout. This better highlights the higher melody in the chorus.
I’m still reminded of A-ha when I hear your stuff, which is no bad thing at all.
As anyone who reads this forum a lot will know, this is exactly the kind of stuff that I like, so well done SB, and keep them coming.
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Journeyman
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Thanks for listening and your advice Marc. I agree with you on most points. I will leave this song alone for a week or two and then I will remaster it and keeping your advice and from others in my mind. Thanks again for your time and advice. I am glad you like the song.
Cheers
Superbron
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Apprentice
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I enjoyed it and envy your achievemnts in getting it to this stage. Your voice and delivery of it is reminiscent of Brian Ferry to these ears. I also feel, like Marc above, that the gtr part competes with the vocal for attention sometimes. Perhaps better to alternate these 2 components in a slightly more conventional way?
Marc and others have given so many pointers above that there's little I can add but to say "well done".
How do you enter the world of Soundclick?
John
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Nice work. The harmonies remind me of the sixties groups. Nice mix. Thanks for sharing! My Music My Blog
My TunesPsalm 57:7 My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.
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Quote:
How do you enter the world of Soundclick?
John
By clicking here
Note however that SC is incredibly fiddly at first, and quite fiddly even to long-standing users like myself. You will be setting up a 'member' page, from which you will create one (or more, if you like) 'artist pages' operated by that member account.
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Journeyman
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@John: Thanks for listening and the comparision with Bryan Ferry (I love his voice!)
@pgfantastic: thanks for listening, lol I was barely born in the sixties :-)
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Quote:
Quote:
On some parts the lyrics don't flow too well. Perhaps drop/change a few words. The song could use some more dynamic: chorus can be more powerful. Overall mix sounds a bit thin to me.
This song has the potential to become a hit record. I really like the song and the song-idea. Work on it some more: you've got a good thing going here!
That about nails it.
Great potential. Good vocals.
Mick
My opinion as well. Also, I agree on the vocal mix. It does sound a bit boomy at times... doesn't take away from a great sounding tune, though! Love the idea of it and it's got potential to be a real hit, IMHO!
Nice work. Like the progression, arrangement and especially the vocals!
Cheers,
Mike
PS: added this to one of my SoundClick stations.
Cheers, Mike My Music * Asus ROG Strix G15CF 32 GB DDR4 4TB HDD + 1 TB SSD NVIDIA GeForce RTX 3060 8GB Win 11 AKAI EIE PRO Sound Interface. BIAB/RB 2024 UltraPak Build - Latest
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