Always a pleasure to hear your compositions Bron, and well worth waiting for.

There’s a lot to like here, in particular (for me)

the contrast of the gtr (the one that starts at 00:20) with the piano

the melody throughout the song

the sentiments in the lyric which are clear and well expressed


Some suggestions I would make if you’re still working on this one..

I think you manage fine with the higher parts of the song, although I do hear perhaps a little too much fluctuation in the volume of the vox track.

The guitar sound (the one that starts at 00:20) is quite aggressive and at times it sounds like it is competing with the vox.

The lyrics do not always fit naturally into the lines – one noticeable example is the 2nd line of the chorus, I think the stress might fall more naturally on ‘OUT’. This could easily be managed (but it’s difficult to explain how in writing!)

I would have been inclined to extend ‘too’ until the end of the bar and insert another bar for ‘late’ in the ‘lead-in’ section just before the chorus (this would ruin the symmetry of the structure but I think would add to the impact of this section).
You were obviously trying to do something here, as a recording glitch can still be heard at 01:16.

At present maybe the song suffers from having too many different sections, making it hard for the listener to pick up the structure. The current version has:
a) ‘lower melody’ section (lines 1-4)
b) lead in section (‘why did you go’)
c) alternative melody section (‘I still feel the pain…’)
d) the chorus

…plus of course the solo section, plus the ‘drums only’ lead-in section.

I just wonder whether all of this may be slightly too much in a 4 minute pop song

I really like the lower melody used in the first four lines and would have stuck with this throughout. This better highlights the higher melody in the chorus.


I’m still reminded of A-ha when I hear your stuff, which is no bad thing at all.

As anyone who reads this forum a lot will know, this is exactly the kind of stuff that I like, so well done SB, and keep them coming.

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