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Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,357
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Very evocative lyrically and I like where you took the chorus melody.
Your vocals are always so expressive and the arrangement on this works just fine.
A very enjoyable travelogue!
Robert
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Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,992
PG Music Staff
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Joined: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,992 |
I really enjoyed the lyrics for this one, but especially:
"So this is how we spend our days,
pining both for yesterday,
while every passing second seems to crawl . . .
London calls."
Thanks for sharing!
Cheers,
Ember
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Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 5,656
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A lovely ballad this is Deej!! Wonderful composition, lyrics, performance and production! Thanks, Torrey
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Joined: Apr 2018
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Posts: 2,060 |
Floyd, melahide, Tunemonger, J&B, Deryk, David, Jim, Robert, Ember and Torrey:
Really appreciate you all giving this one a listen, and for the kind feedback. Thanks so much and glad the tune seemed to work for everyone. Always good to hear.
Floyd: I’ve reposted the song upping the drums a little bit. I agree it’s s fine line and they need to stay a bit subtle. Hopefully I didn’t overdo it.
Tunemonger: The geography of the song was a bit of a worry for me. When I wrote it originally I didn’t know that London, like San Francisco, has a Wharf and a Lombard street, which given the title would be confusing as to the singer’s location. So worked in the reference to Alcatraz in the second line hoping that helped. The horns along with the flute were a challenge and it took some time to get them to work together, which hopefully they did well enough here.
Again, thanks to you all!
My best to each of you,
Deej
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Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 8,288
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Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 8,288 |
Very impressive vocal. Love this song. The backtrack is perfect for your lyric. Well done..
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Posts: 2,060
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Scott,
Thanks much for stopping in—I’m happy it was worth the spin.
Cheers,
Deej
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 20,490
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Posts: 20,490 |
Hi Deej,
This is a terrific listen!
You sure know how to write words and melody that carry the listener along on a journey that tugs at all the senses. This makes for a really personalised lyric ride as the listener compiles all the sense-bound feelings and images in his/her mind.... excellent lyric writing. I also like how you've used apostrophe (i.e. talking to someone who is not actually present) as the vehicle for assembling these words. It's very, very effective.
You asked for some thoughts... I only have one (and that's not all that mind-blowing). When you say, "She's just 5,000 miles away", have you thought about maintaining the absent character as "you" rather than switching her to 3rd person?
Your singing is outstanding (as it always is) and your arrangement and production are inventive and effective. You deserve all the accolades in the above posts. Your talent is immense!
All the best,
Noel
MY SONGS...Audiophile BIAB 2026
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Joined: Apr 2018
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Noel,
Thanks for the listen--your comments are too kind. Interesting comment on that last verse--yes, I did think about going second person there. But went third person to emphasize the introspection -- the singer is trying to convince himself. So it shifts from talking to her, to him trying to persuade himself to go. It may not work, but it was intentional.
My talent pales in comparison to so many on this board, but that's so nice of you to say . . . and I keep trying to get better. Feedback like this makes me think I may bet there one day.
My best to you,
Deej
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Ask sales and support questions about Band-in-a-Box using natural language.
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