Great song.

Now, I'll be the one to say it. This song really needs more capitalization.

It also wouldn't hurt to add punctuation while your at it. This may require a bit of completing sentences as it seems you opted for sentence fragments.

Your paragraphs also, to me, seem oddly indented at certain points. I find it highly distracting; and without purpose.

Speaking of paragraphs, your second and fourth paragraphs are identical. I'm not sure if you are are trying to pad your essay here; but even people mildly adept at writing will catch this. Give us a true fourth paragraph to bring your story home.

Lastly, I would like to address word choice. You seem to be using some sort of supposed modern vernacular of the English language. There is no need to do this as "the King's English" has been around for considerable time. It is time honored; therefore there is not need in deviating from it. We should not draw from the past; but live there.

All of this should help considerably in filling out your desolate song lyrics.

Again, great song.

Chad (Hope that makes it easier)

TEMPO TANTRUM: What a lead singer has when they can't stay in time.