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#585660 03/14/20 04:54 AM
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Hi, all:

Here’s another offering, this one a first time collaboration with Carroll Kiphen. I had stumbled across Carroll’s lyrics for this song, originally titled “Crimson Red” and really liked them . . . Carroll graciously allowed me to give it a whirl and here’s the end result. As always, feedback and suggestions are welcome. I hope you enjoy it!

Here’s the song:

LAY ME DOWN

Here are the lyrics:

The sun bled like a wounded beast
lying down to die;
surrendering to the night,
to stars and the candlelight.
I’ll sail until this ship goes down
into the stormy sea;
and resolutely close my eyes
while God and I make peace.

Lay me down; lay me down
upon this burning bed.
Lay me down, lay me down
on sheets of crimson red.

Please kiss my lips just one more time;
sing me your lullaby.
Hush, sweet lover, please don’t cry,
just let me say goodbye.
Let’s have no regrets, no sorrow,
no more tears tonight.
Transgressions not withstanding,
I’ve made a mess of my life.

Lay me down; lay me down
upon this burning bed.
Lay me down, lay me down
on sheets of crimson red.

I’ve let you down;
shattered your dreams—
I broke your heart,
it’s such a tragedy.
Painted my part:
it’s my work of art.

Lay me down; lay me down
upon this burning bed.
Lay me down, lay me down
on sheets of crimson red.

And here’s the band:

RealTracks: 995:Bass, Electric, HardRockLA Ev 120
RealTracks: 2757:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm RockHeavy8thsCraig Ev 120
RealTracks: 879:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm NorthernRockGrittyQuarters Sw16 075
RealTracks: 3181:Guitar, Acoustic, Rhythm AcRockDriving8thsQuinn Ev 100
RealTracks: 2586:Guitar, Electric, Soloist PunkMurray Ev 165
RealTracks: 3207:Pedal Steel, Background RockGrittyEddy Ev 120
RealDrums: RockModernRnB^01-a:Snare, Closed HiHat , b:Snare, Crash Ride

Deej56 #585669 03/14/20 06:05 AM
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You get better with each song. Heck of a way to set the bar :-) .

Honestly? I'm trying not to be "gushing with praise" again - apparently, it's not the "done thing" ... or so some tell me. But, seriously and honestly: great job. A pro effort - that's what you are (a pro) and that's what you offer with every song. No exception here.

Deej56 #585752 03/15/20 03:26 AM
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Deej,

A good Rock number. Nicely put together. Well sung - as always.

The vocal sits in the mix well - right where a Rock vocal ought to (there are a few spots where it gets a bit high-EQ-heavy, but a lot less than in the past). Overall a good Rock mix.

You should do more with Carroll. Y'all make a good team. (A good Rock melody, btw).

fj

Deej56 #585771 03/15/20 08:56 AM
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Well it's all there and all good.

- great rock lyric (love that chorus!) and vocal (you nailed it!)

- great choice of RT's and RD.

- The mix sounds excellent on our monitors.

Couldn't agree more with floyd's statement that y'all make a good team!

Well done.

J&B

PS: The only thing I consider would be doubling the snare to get more snare "pop" and gain in the mix. And this is but a suggestion not a criticism at all...given that we are limited with the RD's to mixing the entire kit (via one stereo file). And, I'll be the first one to admit that the doubling process is tedious unless you have a DAW that has a "groove track" function. Again, a fine rocker indeed.


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Mix-9
production-9+
Overall vibe-10
Overall rating-9.4

I LOVED it !!!!!!

Really.

Punch up the drums and you got a near perfect effort in this Genre.(IMHO)

Thanks for posting

Rick


It needs more cowbell!

https://therickhansenband.com
Deej56 #585786 03/15/20 11:58 AM
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Man! You composed an excellent melody that is a match Carroll's superb lyrics. Be proud. This is so good.

Deej56 #585832 03/16/20 02:48 AM
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Nice work - a nice good ol' rock tune always hits the spot, and the mix on this is superb. Nicely catchy too and the vocal performance was smooth as butter too.

Thanks for sharing smile


Cheers,
Deryk
Deej56 #585854 03/16/20 05:17 AM
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Great sounding rocker with classic catchy chorus, colorful lyrics and super voice, I like especially how the solo RT guitar fits the mood.

Janne


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Deej56 #585899 03/16/20 08:40 AM
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Hi DeeJ ...

I really, really like this! You and Carroll make some pretty darn good music. The vocal is fabulous and the rock b/g is well put together., That was a real nice listen.

Might I suggest a little more emphasis from the bass? I think bringing that bass line a little more forward in the mix would give this an extra kick. Nonetheless, I enjoyed the heck out of this one! Best to you both ...

Alan


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Deej56 #585982 03/16/20 02:52 PM
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What they said - solid rocker that does everything right. smile

Fun listen!


-- David Cuny

My virtual singer development blog
Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

BiaB 2025 | Windows 11 | Reaper | Way too many VSTis.
Deej56 #586000 03/16/20 07:31 PM
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Cool song Deej,
The guitar solo sounds a bit scooped but that's OK.
The lyrics are a little confusing...
the lines
"Transgressions notwithstanding,
I’ve made a mess of my life."
Translates to
"In spite of breaking laws
I've messed up."
Good singing.


Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
Deej56 #586132 03/17/20 02:14 PM
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Deej,
That`s a memorable chorus on an excellent straight ahead rocker.
I love listening to you ramp up the vocal intensity and you nail this.
Very good!

Robert

Deej56 #586423 03/19/20 07:22 AM
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Very cool song!! Lyrics are very good and your music is the perfect compliment to them! Well arranged, mixed, and sung! Everything works!! Take care. Greg

Deej56 #586773 03/20/20 09:47 PM
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Love your vocals. Guitars were excellent. Well done


Scott Collingwood
https://soundcloud.com/scottt709
https://soundcloud.com/spiritlevel-ca
https://www.youtube.com/@SpiritLevel-ge3hm/
Deej56 #586936 03/21/20 11:33 AM
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Wow, that was powerful! Vox and song both. One of your best. More like this!


Windows 11, Intel Core I5 10400, 16 gig ram, Scarlett 2i2, Sony Acid Music Studio 10, BIAB 2020 UltraPlus Pak
Deej56 #586952 03/21/20 12:37 PM
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DJ,
Nice collab!

I feel you put a lot of heart into your music. As it was noted, I think too that you are progressing in the right direction smile

I think you done a grand job with lyrics that were not yours. Very good flow. I wonder what Carroll thought about the completed version?

Thank you for sharing

Misha.

Deej56 #587359 03/23/20 05:43 PM
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James, Floyd, J&B, Rick, Ezekiel, Deryk, Janne, Alan, David, Ray, Robert, Greg, Scott, TuneMonger, and Misha:

Thanks so much for stopping in, giving this one a listen, and taking the time to comment. It’s always a worry when you take on someone else’s lyrics (or music as the case may be) and try to help make it into something listenable. Glad it seems t have worked here. Appreciate the feedback tremendously.

J&B and Rick: The drums were a challenge on this one for me—I really did want to get it a bit more resounding. The last few songs I’ve done the music too I felt I got the sound I was looking for, but for some reason couldn’t quite get there here. J&B, an interesting idea to double down on the snare to get the “pop” I was looking for. I’ll have to keep that in mind for future efforts. BTW, I have no idea what a “groove track” function is—I’m sure Logic Pro has it, but my understanding of the software is so, so elementary.

Alan: I’ll have to try bringing the base forward and seeing how that sounds. Really good suggestion!

rayc: Yes, I guess that line could raise some eyebrows if interpreted literally. To be honest, as I sung the tune, I never quite focused on the literal meeting . . . I just kinda got what the singer meant.

Misha: I think Carroll was very happy with the final product (at least I hope he was), and very pleased with and appreciative of the feedback here (as I had sent him the link to view it). Kind of you to ask.

My best to all of you—stay safe and healthy!

Deej

Deej56 #587443 03/24/20 03:29 AM
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Yeah, I like this one!

Great writing, great sounding track, and of course that signature vocal.

Really good guys!

musician17 #589723 04/04/20 10:59 AM
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Oh yeah - you hit all the cylinders on this one. Great rock sound, excellent vocals (in a distinctive style), smokin' guitars, indomitable energy, driving drums. And all that in a great mix and production.


Ed Z

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iPad Mini, Garageband for iOS, BIAB for Windows 2020 UltraPAK, Xtra Styles packs 6-9, Windows 10 Lenovo PC, Kontakt Player, SpitFire LABS, SampleTank 4 CS, some Soundfonts


Deej56 #589936 04/05/20 08:07 AM
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Dave and Ed,

Thanks much, gents! Glad you enjoyed the tune. Hope you are both staying safe and healthy in these crazy times.

My best to you both.

Deej

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