Richard,
I definitely see the progress in your skills. Interesting tune and I think a good candidate to experiment with some mixing / singing techniques. I agree with Mario that vocals are a bit upfront.
What I also noticed, you doubled up your voice in places... I do not have musical training, so I will try to explain in simple terms. You sing this low and when you have two low voices in same field it sounds a little mooshi. I would try singing second voice octave higher or swinging second voice slightly. To me, it is all about experimenting and practice smile Thank you for sharing.

Misha.