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That is a fascinating production process that made our collective heads spin  The Neil vibe is definitely there and for us that is a cool thing indeed. Really nice vocal and write. The mix sounds good on our monitors. Excellent soundstage. Well done! J&B Hi, J&B. Thanks so much for you positive comments. I'm glad you hear the Neil Young influence and that you like it. I appreciate you giving it a listen. Thanks for letting me know it sounds good on your monitors. It's hard sometimes when mixing/mastering to tell how it will sound elsewhere. I remember when I was writing songs in the 70s/80s and we'd give the song a tape test in the car to make sure it would sound good there. ;-) Thanks again Todd
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This is really good. I thought the mix is very good. I really like your voice, excellent job on this song. I got the Neil vibe also.
This is a very good song. Thanks so much, Mario. I really appreciate it. Cheers!
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I got the Neil vibe as well. This was a stellar vocal Todd, I am a fan. Loved the video as well. Incredible song Thanks so much, Scott! I appreciate it. Glad you liked it.
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This is an excellent song, and the vocals are outstanding. I really like the way the chorus keeps returning to the same, very strong vibe. It's highly accomplished on many levels. With that said, if you really want some actionable feedback at what would normally be the "nitpicking" level:
> Timing on some of the phrasing could be a bit tighter. Doesn't need to be perfectly on the beat in every case but a strategic lag or lead at certain key points can really carry. Sinatra, Manilow were masters of this, for example.
> I would experiment with a bit more dynamics in the vocals as well, at certain points - just a bit more soft and a bit more loud - again at key points, and you can vary that a bit between choruses - possibly increasing the tension in the later ones.
The lyrics are really good - very evocative, inspiring striking imagery and weaving a story. This line in particular stands out - I could absolutely see this being in a classic rock song:
"Let us dance, let us die, with our backs young and straight."
On the other hand, I'm not quite getting this one, but it could just be me:
"Oh, the curse of these rations--a brush twined with hair.
I'm like a bird deep in flight . . . that gets lost to the air."
This is way beyond anything that I could do myself, but I hope this feedback is helpful. Keep up the great work. Those are great suggestions. I'll definitely keep those in mind as I revise and re-record the song. I totally understand what you're saying about the line with "curse of rations". I think that one does take a while to puzzle out, which might interrupt the listening experience. What I'd like to convey is the vestige of someone who is left behind--the brush twined with hair--and how the lover's presence isn't constant; her love, her physicality is rationed out. In that scene with her, those few moments he shares, he is lost to the act of love, he is married to that moment the way a bird is part of the flight, part of the air; how it merges and simply vanishes to sight. Thanks again for your kind words and helpful suggestions. Cheers, Todd
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What a great song.
Do I hear a Neil Young influence?
Excellent production and band choice.
I love the clear penetrating vocal.
Well done. Rob4580 Thanks much, Rob! Yes, I'm definitely a Neil Young fan. I'm glad that came across in the song. Thank you for your kind and supportive words. Best, Todd
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Very NY and not just the harmonica...the vocal tone and phrase ends are NYish too.
The harmonica is a little loud.
I think the bass is, tonally, a little out of place - it has a clicky hard nose.
Your cello is lovely - I haven't recorded with mine for a decade!
I enjoyed the narrative though I pondered over shoes & ruins...not a deal breaker but it set me thinking about alternatives.
Lovely and well thought out draft.
I'd love to hear the cellos replace the bass. The bass part is fine but I'm not sure it's needed with the cellos available.
It'd be cool to pull the harmonica back to vocal level, (or visa versa).
COOL, lovely song!
Cool. After I recorded it, it felt NYish to me too. I like Neil Young a lot, so I'm happy something of him comes across in my songs. Thanks for the comments on the bass and the suggestion to maybe replace the bass with cellos. I'll definitely think about alternatives to "shoes" and "ruins". Thanks for pointing that out. I'll definitely pull back the harmonica level--and probably EQ it differently. I hope you have a chance to pull out your cello. I wish I had more time to practice and record with mine. I have a Kemper amp, and it's super fun to run the cello through my pedal board and then into the Kemper. Thanks again for all your super feedback and for your kind words about my song. Cheers! Definitely hearing the NY influence in your vocal and harmonica. Excellent throughout!
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Definitely hearing the NY influence in your vocal and harmonica. Excellent throughout!
Thanks so much!
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TexasFrets, my first listen to your work here. I think you have the makings of a really good tune here! Your vocal sounds fantastic! Great playing on that harmonica. I realize you are probably sill working on the mix and will keep dialing it in! Keep on rockin! Thanks, Torrey
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TexasFrets, my first listen to your work here. I think you have the makings of a really good tune here! Your vocal sounds fantastic! Great playing on that harmonica. I realize you are probably sill working on the mix and will keep dialing it in! Keep on rockin! Thanks, Torrey Thanks, Torrey. I really appreciate it. Yes, I'm still working on it for sure. I'll likely do some rewriting and re-recording and definitely remix it. I'm certainly open to suggestions if you have them. I'm thankful for the suggestions and observations I've already gotten from other forum members. Thanks again! Cheers, Todd
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Hi Todd
I think you've nailed this.I like it a lot .Nothing more to do so just move on to your next mega hit.
P.S. You have a lot of good content on your YouTube channel.
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Hi Todd
I think you've nailed this.I like it a lot .Nothing more to do so just move on to your next mega hit.
P.S. You have a lot of good content on your YouTube channel. Thanks so much, Gary. I appreciate your encouraging words. And thanks for looking at my YouTube channel. Cheers!
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Couldn't be any more Neil Young-ish. Even the title is like a Neil Young title. Liked it a lot, would love to hear more.
Windows 11, Intel Core I5 10400, 16 gig ram, Scarlett 2i2, Sony Acid Music Studio 10, BIAB 2020 UltraPlus Pak
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I decided to punch in on this because I never heard the word "tranlitic"--and I wanted to see what you were talking about.
First of all, on its own merits, this is a lovely song, and so professionally produced, and I really enjoyed it.
After reading the background info on translit process, I still don't completely understand it, but it seems that what you are doing is very creative! I love an experimenter!
Thanks for posting this!
Windows 11, Intel Core i5-8600T 2.3Ghz, 16 gig ram, BIAB 2025 MegaPak, SampleTank 4, Keystation49 Kybd, Neewer NW-800 mic
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Couldn't be any more Neil Young-ish. Even the title is like a Neil Young title. Liked it a lot, would love to hear more. Thanks so much. I love Neil Young. I hope to write and share more songs soon. Thanks again! Best, Todd
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I decided to punch in on this because I never heard the word "tranlitic"--and I wanted to see what you were talking about.
First of all, on its own merits, this is a lovely song, and so professionally produced, and I really enjoyed it.
After reading the background info on translit process, I still don't completely understand it, but it seems that what you are doing is very creative! I love an experimenter!
Thanks for posting this! Thanks so much! I'm happy you enjoyed the song. As far as the translitic, this is something that I learned about in the 80s and taught in the 90s & early 2000s when I taught creative writing at the university. Originally it was something applied to writing poems, but over the years, it has been adapted to song lyrics. Friends of mine, J. Wagner and Gregory Alan Isakov have used this method a lot on their last few co-writes & albums. I think it can be a powerful tool to generate interesting images, metaphors, juxtapositions, etc. When I get some more time, I'll try to do a better write up about the process and post it. Thanks again! Cheers, Todd
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