I really dislike giving feedback on lyrics because that is my weaker point when it comes to writing songs. So you can appreciate my hesitation to give lyric based advice on specific lyrics.

Writing is a skill that one generally has to learn. You can learn and advance by several different paths. One is to analyze the songs you really like. Study the structure of the lyrics and how the verses are put together as well as the choruses. Notice how they tell a story and how the parts fit together and most importantly, that you can understand pretty much everything that the writer is trying to say on a first reading of the lyrics.

I think the secret to good writing is to be able to coherently tell the story or convey the images in your mind to the listener so that the listener has a thorough understanding of what you're trying to tell them. There are numerous exceptions to this concept, but generally, that;s how I approach writing. I am asking myself constantly, will the listeners understand this without further and more detailed explanation? If not, I have to rewrite it until they do.

I believe I mentioned this previously. Find a co-writer to work with who you think is better than you and is where you want to be as a writer. Lots of songwriter's forums online.

I also, highly recommend all writers read books and study the art and craft of writing to improve their skill level and then... write, write, write and then write some more. There are online and in person classes and local songwriting groups you can join to learn the skills you need. If you look up the Nashville Songwriter's Association International website, there;s a good chance you can find a local chapter near you and join them. Ordinarily, membership is not required at the local chapter level.

In regards to the lyrics you posted, I recall the previous version and think this is still lacking a cohesive story line. Of course, I'm looking at it from a country writer's POV and if it's a different genre, that may not be the case at all. Rock and pop lyrics are a bit different from country. You have a good idea, but IMHO it needs to be a bit more descriptive. Put the listener into the song. Make us feel that what you're talking about is real.

That's probably the hardest part of writing. Putting the listener into the shoes of the song so to speak. But that's what separates the good writers from the rest of the pack. Take the time to learn, and express your thoughts in unique and interesting ways.

Not sure if that was helpful or not.... but.... whatever advice you get and decide to listen to.... keep writing. Each writer has a style and you need to find yours. It will happen as you progress along the path of writing and to get there..... yep... you gotta keep writing.


Edit.... another thing I just remembered. the website at TAXI.com is a great place to hang out. Membership there is expensive. However, you can join their forum and participate there for free. So... here's a couple of reasons to hang out there.

1. It's all about writing better songs. That's what they do.
2. There's a large number of really good writers in that place.
3. They will tailor the advice to the level you ask for if you post something for critique. Beginner, Intermediate, or Professional.
4. You can see the industry listings and try your hand at writing to the listings. This is good because it gives you a topic, and a deadline. **
5. You can find co-writers there.
6. It doesn't cost you anything but your time.

** I have a tune or two on my page that was written under those very conditions. If you are curious, I will provide details and links.

Last edited by Guitarhacker; 06/23/20 10:19 AM.
You can find my music at:
www.herbhartley.com
Add nothing that adds nothing to the music.
You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both.

The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.