Sorry if categorized this wrong, but I didn't really know where to put this request. I'm really angry, sick and tired of cancer and what it has done to people I loved. Would anyone like to collaborate on this song? Any suggestion or additions? I have a slow strumming theme in my head. Any suggestions on which BIAB style? Any suggestions on lyrics?
Verse Some are done too soon, Some haven't even started Let's call it like it is, they're stolen lives Leaving behind sad, and broken hearted Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, husbands and wives
Chorus All this misery and pain That you've put people through devil you can go back to hell And take cancer with you
Verse Sometimes God gives fighters a reason to be tough The devil is defeated and he leaves them alone Sometimes God has just had enough enough The time has come to take His child home
Chorus All this misery and pain That you've put people through devil you can go back to hell And take cancer with you
Chorus All this misery and pain That you've put people through devil you can go back to hell And take cancer with you
this would best be posted in the songwriting forum as you are in fact asking for assistance in the writing of a song.
So... I'll ask about the chorus.
All this misery and pain That you've put people through devil you can go back to hell And take cancer with you
As I read this.... first impression... You're talking to cancer.... I assume. Then you switch and now you're talking to the devil in the very next line and cancer is third person.... You might wish to rework that so you are talking to ONE person in the entire chorus. You might also wish to consider that those 2 lines are just the first half of the chorus. Give us more information and fill in some blanks. Expand on the idea and hit us with a powerful title line which would be the hook of the song lyrically.
Just my opinion.
Last edited by Guitarhacker; 07/03/2004:17 AM.
You can find my music at: www.herbhartley.com Add nothing that adds nothing to the music. You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both.
The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.
All this misery and pain That you've put people through devil you can go back to hell And take cancer with you
As I read this.... first impression... You're talking to cancer.... I assume. Then you switch and now you're talking to the devil in the very next line and cancer is third person.... You might wish to rework that so you are talking to ONE person in the entire chorus....
I did not read it like that at all, and therefore, believe your assumption is incorrect. To me it reads as talking to "devil" the entire time and "cancer" is his "weapon" used to create misery and pain. In which case...no re-work would be required.
Another opinion.
(but I do agree that this should be in the Songwriting section of the forum)
Thanks Floyd. Your observation was correct. I'm just putting this out there as possibly there are others who feel the same way. I'm in no way putting any kid of timeline on this or even ownership. If anyone comes up with a tune for it and wants to sing it, I'd welcome that also.
I'm leaning a bit more toward Herb's interpretation rather than hearing the verse's talking directly to anyone whereas by the end of the chorus, it's clear the speaker is talking to the devil.
For me, the first verse is spoken to the listeners of the song and not to or toward any specific person, particularly the devil. This is easily corrected in one of several ways, begin the song with the Chorus rather than a verse or my personal preference would be for the speaker rephrase the wording and name the devil in the verse such as:
"Devil, you took some too soon, gone before they started Let's call it like it is, you're stealing lives Leaving behind sad, and broken-hearted Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, husbands and wives"
To me it would be more powerful without the word cancer. More global. Covid is giving Cancer a run for it's money. "and take it with you". The title could be the Big C. Just my thoughts. Good luck.
Windows 10 Home 20H2 Build 19042.487 BIAB 2021 (Build 818) Intel(R) Core(TM), i3-4160, CPU @3.60 GHz RAM 16 GB, 64 Bit X64-based processor Zoom UAC-2 (USB 3 interface-built in midi) VoiceLive 3 Extreme, Sputnik Valve Condenser Mic
Well this is such an emotive subject, it must be a subject that means a lot to you, or you wouldn’t be writing it. So for what its worth write from your heart not your brain, rules can be broken so don’t try to hard to make it conform to any. Just let it evolve and unfold in a way that expresses your feelings. Always helped by slipping into a minor now and then, but then, I have not heard your music. Just my thoughts.
All this misery and pain That you've put people through devil you can go back to hell And take cancer with you
As I read this.... first impression... You're talking to cancer.... I assume. Then you switch and now you're talking to the devil in the very next line and cancer is third person.... You might wish to rework that so you are talking to ONE person in the entire chorus....
I did not read it like that at all, and therefore, believe your assumption is incorrect. To me it reads as talking to "devil" the entire time and "cancer" is his "weapon" used to create misery and pain. In which case...no re-work would be required.
Another opinion.
(but I do agree that this should be in the Songwriting section of the forum)
you know..... reading it again, I do agree. My misunderstanding
You can find my music at: www.herbhartley.com Add nothing that adds nothing to the music. You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both.
The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.
I like your chorus where you are implying that the devil can take the big C and shove it ... Attitude plus. Bawb , this is a subject that I want to hear UP tempo. When the song finishes I want to be PUMPED shouting HELL YEAH , I can CONQUER ANYTHING !!!! (sorry for the shouting) Why not ditch the band and go acapella . Your amazing voice is destined for this subject.
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