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Hello Folks, on another forum a chap told me I ought to play chords for longer than a bar, sing more softly and, without saying so, be more like him. A chap who writes slower songs with intricate chords, beautiful picking styles and so forth. I have few of the skills needed to do the things he recommended. I did have a go though. Before my last track, Idee Fixx, I wrote and recorded something as an exercise in the suggested processes, forms, etc. This track has Rock Northern ^4 drums as well as two iterations of Celtic Strings and a Cello track to help disguise the shortcomings. HB 12 string electric on one side, Squire Bullet Mustang on the other with a knock off Hofner bass up the centre. [Link no longer valid] Remix based on fj's comments primarily... [Link no longer valid]
Lyrics...(dragged out of a folio of my scribblings from the late 70s to very early 80s.)
The Dismissal V1 I’m reading the letters You wrote me long ago The memories are there But the letters come no more, I know Each page holds you there Between the words and the sorrow Between the words and the sorrow Chorus It’s cold so I lie on my bed And remember The 1st and the last time I saw you And in these memories I’ve found A reason to be And in these letters I’ve found Your dreams I couldn’t see V2 The paper has browned From my touch as I read them Each word burnt in my memory But I need them. I’ll read them again And again come tomorrow Come tomorrow SOLO
Chorus
I’m reading the letters You wrote me long ago The memories are there But the letters come no more, I know They are words And words are all that I have now Merely words But the words are you somehow Chorus
Last edited by Andrew - PG Music; 10/13/20 08:06 PM.
Cheers rayc "What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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Hello Rayc,
Your chord progression is quite original because it allows you to immerse us in a strange and interesting atmosphere In this context, we are really attentive to your well thought out lyric. Good work.
Best regards
Dero13 aliasJaniJackFlash
Kindly regards Derochette alias JaniJackFlash
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ray,
I applaud your willingness to explore new avenues. I don't think you need advice from "..A chap who writes slower songs with intricate chords, beautiful picking styles and so forth." Your upbeat Punk-leaning songs/production are some of the coolest offerings on these forums.
The instrumentation is cool. Very well done. The combination of strings/synths/guitars is excellent. Pink Floydish. It gets a bit repetitive after a while - some change-up along the way would be nice. Or some BGVs. The drums are a bit "plodding" and are the "weak link" (opinion).
The mix sounds good.
fj
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I think it's pretty cool that you took somebody's suggestions and subverted them, converted them to your own sensibility. The results of the experiment are quirky, expressive, and emotionally impactful. Success. Sounds good on these monitors too.
Last edited by Tangmo; 09/20/20 06:14 AM. Reason: punctuation and grammar for the English teacher.
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Hello Rayc, Your chord progression is quite original because it allows you to immerse us in a strange and interesting atmosphere In this context, we are really attentive to your well thought out lyric. Good work. Best regards Dero13 aliasJaniJackFlash Thanks Dero, A maj & F Min with no minor chords is a little odd I'll grant you. I can't really take credit for a lyric I wrote about 40 years ago...that was a different animal entirely.
Cheers rayc "What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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ray, It gets a bit repetitive after a while - some change-up along the way would be nice. Or some BGVs. The drums are a bit "plodding" and are the "weak link" (opinion). fj I'll have a bash at those suggestions. The song is a useful experimentation platform. Thanks.
Cheers rayc "What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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I think it's pretty cool that you took somebody's suggestions and subverted them, converted them to your own sensibility. The results of the experiment are quirky, expressive, and emotionally impactful. Success. Sounds good on these monitors too. Thanks Tangmo, I appreciate your appraisal.
Cheers rayc "What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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I liked it and thought it was a bit different from your usual fare. I wished the vocals were a little more prominent, maybe more than a little. Cool vibe to song that is your own thing, as I hear it. Well done!
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I liked it and thought it was a bit different from your usual fare. I wished the vocals were a little more prominent, maybe more than a little. Cool vibe to song that is your own thing, as I hear it. Well done! Thanks TuneMonger, The updated mix has louder vocals, less string and a changed drum.
Cheers rayc "What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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I had a listen to the original mix yesterday (didn't have time to comment) and the new mix this morning. Updated mix is better, vocals are now sitting where they should be I think.
Very different from what I'm used to hearing from you, and I prefer your punk stuff to be honest, but this is cool too.
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Hi Rayc love this excellent mix very progressive song engaging all the way through love this kind of stuff thanks for sharing Eric
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Fascinating soundtrack type of intro, nice mix of progressive rock ballad and new wave. I like the feeling of 'early recordings' both musically and lyrically and how you have turned it to a well produced experience with nice use of the string and gospel vocal RTs. Intriguing chording.
Janne
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I always like the moods you capture in your songs. This one too. Good production. I don't know what instruments are live and which are BnB, but they all sound good. Interesting lyrics. Unsettling. Good work.
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Hi Ray,
Some years ago a drummer told me to put in an extra bar between verses and chorusses, although it's wrong if you look at it musically. But it gives a singer more space or rest and it sounds more relaxed. Well I do this quite often in my songs and it works well. Now you wrote a more or less similair story about that extra bar. It was nice to read it.
The song is nice and indeed slow. But I prefer slower songs, as you might have noticed. I think the way you sang in your last songs before this one is more how I like it. in this song your voice sounds a bit thin and sharp. It gives the impression you were somewhat insecure. I know you're not, so try your more blacker/darker voice also on this nice song. It will sound more powerful, I think. But don't change the melody. It is good, even with extra bars in it.
Hans
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ray,
Excellent.
The re-work really took this to a different level. The changes are all well done and help keep the ear engaged. Good mix.
Great job.
fj
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Hi Ray Go your own way, I say. That said, this is a moody and intriguing piece. By no means an easy one to sing, so I think you did pretty well. Judging by the lyrics, your younger self clearly had some insight into the bittersweet pain of lost love. Your video for Idee Fixx looks good, by the way. Regards, Leon
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Very cool tune. Loved the vocal. Loved the reverb in the vocal. I got a Pink Floyd vibe as well. Excellent instrument choice. Well done
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Ray, Listened 2 side by side. Re-mix wins! I just think it can be just a hint louder overall (it maybe that I am going deaf too.) ---- Disorienting I believe that experiments like this, even if they are outside of comfort zone, still very important and beneficial to creative processes. It is a quirky tune, which is distant from what I have heard by you, but surely has a place to "live". I like it because I find flow unusual and hypnotic, but not to the point of rejection. Keeps attention afloat. P.S. An side idea on this, if one day you decide to try something else. Maybe straight talking vocals? Soft, but without emotion. Meaning, letting music do the emotion part and non-melodic lyrics just to add another dimension. Thank you for sharing! Misha.
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Sounds better. I think it's a great idea to take advantage of useful criticism but, I believe songs should be an expression of owns own unique character.
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Ray, A bold and sensitive progressive ballad from the Pygmy Beat! The chord progression and arrangement held my attention... and the core lines are well written:
in these letters I’ve found Your dreams I couldn’t see
I like that and the hazy feel of the whole:like an album song that`s not the headliner but soaks in with listens.
Robert
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