I also noticed, right off the bat, that this is work that was done a long time ago, so I was immediately interested in hearing the “early” Floyd. I especially liked that your stanzas ended with an impersonal “you” , then “she”, and finally “me”..a kind of progressively-personalizing reflection. And you had some really nice intra-line rhymes..to me, these are like little verbal Velcro hooks that keep you listening closely. As others have said, the musical setting and performance are top-notch...the only thing I would have done differently is maybe a vocal repeat of that last phrase, but that’s just personal preference...excellent!
PS..I’ll add my vote to some feedback on how this might be different from your 1977 performance of same.


Windows 11, Intel Core i5-8600T 2.3Ghz, 16 gig ram, BIAB 2025 MegaPak, SampleTank 4, Keystation49 Kybd, Neewer NW-800 mic