Originally Posted By: Charlie Fogle

I'd spoken the words I knew I had to say to her
about the love I'd shared with another girl
She couldn't understand because she'd always been true and mine
I could only watch her walk away and really leave this time
a year of weeks won't ease my broken heart working overtime
drowning in regret and needing a way to forget

i'm gonna weekend her off my mind...



I'm not keen on the idea of adding a "I cheated on her" element.
It put the singer in too bad a light - (always an unforgivable sin in Nashville).
Not to mention (mention it anyway) there are far too many words there to fit the melody and have any chance of it "singing" (which is AS IMPORTANT as saying what you want to say).



Originally Posted By: dcuny


1...
This didn't seem at all different than what you already wrote, and really didn't move the story forward.

2...
Again, not really bringing anything new to the story.

3...
So it's not that great a fit with this song.

4...
...it doesn't do anything to justify the song's chorus. And it's too cerebral, instead of emotional.

5... Drinking is a sin:

(This idea pretty much kills the Chorus idea)

6....
But does it support the chorus? Not really.

7...
On the downside, it is a completely different voice.

8...
Not that it's better than your verse, just the best I could come up with. wink



... but thanks for playing our game!

smile

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