Lovely vocal in the chorus.
I was, initially, confused by your numbering system...then I realized it is a slight complication I could ignore.
When i read/heard "Drifted shoreward like the corpse of a child" I prepared for a dark journey but that level of dark imagery wasn't really approached again though the 1st English draft is much more akin to it.
There's a long walk between the draft and the final lyric.
I doubt the draft would've sung well.
The arrangement felt like it'd move into moody folk or a murder ballad but it retained a light, almost anonymous supporting role to the melody, vocal & lyric. It did that well.

Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe