Originally Posted By: Will Josef
Nice song, but pretty depressive at least from the perspective of a God that wanted to do well, but somehow failed. Interesting and thought-provoking idea for a song...

Well done!
Will


Hi Will, long time hearing from you. It's good you're back!
And yes, you are right. pretty depresive, but when I was thinking about how I would look back on my creation and it was in this shape I could be proud of myself. Of course there are always nice things to point at, but the big picture isn't that nice. But that's my point of view. But still I enjoy life (if you might wonder...)!

Originally Posted By: dcuny
I enjoyed the song!
Lyrically, the line:
Not the goals that should
isn't that well formed, but if you want to rhyme to trump content (it often does), that's your artistic decision.
The ending is a bit abrupt, but I won't say I've got any better ideas for an ending. wink


Hi David, nice to see you back too and thanks for your comment. And you were not only right on that issue, but I knew it when writing it. I think it was Google telling me my line wasn't wrong and I was in need of a rhyme too. But I was too eager in solving my problems. I changed it and also some more lines and the plot as well! I think it is more coherent now, so thanks!


Originally Posted By: Gary Weder
Hallo Hans.
This is the best that I have heard from you. Your vocals have passion and the stereo spectrum of your mix is excellent . I love that panned pulsing grungy guitar . I would have liked to hear some harmonies on the choruses and a little less reverb on your vox which , imo , takes you too far back in the mix . But this track is stellar , vox , mix . lyrics and production. Enjoyable listen.
vriendelijke groeten
Gary.


Hi Gary, very nice of you greeting me in Dutch! and thanks for your comment on the song. I normally use more harmonies, but since nearly all my songs have more vocals in chorusses I thought to skip it this time. And there was only one 'god' involved. I could have used the angels of course, but I choose not to. I did less reverb in my remake and brought myself more upfront. I used two new plugins on the vocals (Fresh air and Trackspace) that might helped causing this issue you mentioned. They are still in, but less dominant now. Hope you will like it more (!)

Originally Posted By: rayc
STRONG voice, a little too so in a few spots due to the reverb.
The line ending in should doesn't hold clear meaning - it suggests the nest line will explain/expand.
Potential replacements:
Well, given the phrase it sits in that's hard one.

Not the goals I understood.
The goals that withstood
Not my goals: not good

etc. there's limited scope for a rhyme that'll hold context.
VERY cool song and a nice band.


Hi Ray, thanks for listening and advising on severall issues. And of course i listen to your comments, so I changed the lyrics to get more logic between the things this god noticed and compared with his goals. and because I faced it too that it is difficult to get a proper rhyme on 'good' I changed it, but not with what you proposed. Sorry for that, but I appreciated your effort very much!

Hans

Hans Berkhout
(Birchwood)
https://soundcloud.com/user-296497130