Hi David,

Thanks for taking so much time to pass on your thoughts. I appreciate it. If you don't mind, it's probably easiest if I address your comments one at a time...

Originally Posted By: dcuny
Melodically, this is different than other things what you've done, in that it's a bit more rhythmically driven.

This is probably because I created the backing before even considering melody and lyrics. In this sense, the creation of this song was like the "top line writing" that floyd has mentioned a couple of times. Normally when I write, lyrics, melody and harmony all come together at the same time (a bit of "this," then a bit of "that" and then that inspires a bit more of "this," etc.).

Originally Posted By: dcuny
The minor/major works seamlessly. As you said, it gives a nice lift to the song.

Thanks, I was hoping that it was smooth smile

Originally Posted By: dcuny
I didn't hear a change in feel at the transition at 3:35. There's a shift in rhythm at "So" that feels a bit like a lurch like might be handled better - a drum fill or something.

I'm glad you pointed this out. At one point in time, I clearly remember thinking similar thoughts and then following that up with the thought that I need to attend to it. I never did. I guess my brain just got used to listening to the song and stopped analysing it.

Originally Posted By: dcuny
Good and interesting lyrics, although the some language felt a bit dated, sort of of early 70's. (I say this with some irony, as I'm certainly not hip to the language them youngsters use these days).

I hear what you say, but there are too many generation gaps between me and modern language. I'd only embarrass myself if I tried to emulate today's pop world.

I'm never fussed about how my language sounds. I write entirely around note length and syllable length while trying to get my meaning across: that is, short notes need short syllables and long notes can have either short or long syllables. For example. If I said, "Sit on the floor," the first three syllables are short so can have quick'ish notes. "Floor," however, is a long sounding syllable so it needs a longer-timed note.

Originally Posted By: dcuny
I know what you were going for at the end, but it didn't work for me - it felt like it was running out of steam, especially the last cymbal hit. I'm sure that others will - rightfully - disagree.

Again, I totally understand what you are saying. I'm also in two minds about the end. Because I couldn't think of anything better, I left it as it is. If something better comes to mind sometime, I'll definitely change it.

Thanks for taking so much time. I'm honestly thankful because I sincerely value thoughts on how others hear my work.

All the best,
Noel

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