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rayc #656444 05/21/21 04:18 AM
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Originally Posted By: rayc
Not Honky Tonk, not Brownsville but a whole lot of both...the honey trap in the 1st two lines is like a jag hook.


Thanks, ray...

Noel96 #656448 05/21/21 04:33 AM
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Originally Posted By: Noel96
Hi floyd,

Another masterpiece! And as others have already said, there’s nothing that sounds dated about this at all. It’s still rings fresh to the ears.


It has been a nice surprise that folks seem to think that this has "held up" and does sound "dated"...

Quote:

Your work is always superb. This is no exception. Your band is a perfect fit. You and Reid Richmond have written a really fine song. And the cream in this cup of coffee is the best backup (and lead) singer I know. Janice’s vocals never fail to work magic smile Everything about this is a credit to all involved.


...and we all appreciate that!!

Quote:

The chorus intrigued me! I love, love, love that triple rhyme in line 3 (strung it out/hung it out) and then paralleled using two syllables in line 6 ([un]fair to/there to). This is sophisticated lyric writing by every measure (no pun intended).


Thanks! those type "songwriting tools" have always played a big role for me... internal rhymes, quick short rhyme lines, alliteration (especially). Anything like that that you use often eventually become "second nature"....you do it without really thinking about it.


Quote:

That’s when I thought I’d better analyse your chorus. As you know, you’ve been inspirational for me when it comes to lyrics and it’s been a while since I’ve seriously analysed any of your work. I’ve discovered that if I want to enhance my own writing ability, I need to understand how it’s done by competent people such as yourself.

So let’s go...

I’ve colour-coded the rhymes and I’ve looked at the rhyme scheme and the poetic meter (that is, the number of stressed syllables in a line). And putting everything together, I created the table below. Yellow and green end-of-line rhymes are used to separate the first section from the second section with it's gray and blue end-of-line rhymes.





This is what stands out to me at first glance…

► Lines 7 and 9 don’t rhyme but there is a strong connection of consonance through “s” and “m”. Also the “o” sound in “promised” is close to the “u” sound in “something”. So, while there’s not a strict rhyme between these two words, there is definitely some sonic paste that glues them together a bit.

► By and large, the lines scan as 3, 4 and 5 feet (strong syllables). Moreover, there is a kind of symmetry in how the meter flows (e.g. 4-4-5, 4-4-5, 4-3, 4-3). Then the last line stands all by itself—lonely—with just two strong/stressed syllables. This is a powerful way to isolate that last line and shine lots of sonic spotlights on it. It’s also the eleventh line and it interrupts the laid back flow of symmetrical lyrics. All this make it 100% perfect for the title!

► Moving from 4-4-5, 4-4-5 meter to 4-3, 4-3 meter brings some lyric acceleration. When I say the lyrics aloud, I can feel this. This makes the words give a feeling of speeding up as they head into the last line.

► It’s interesting that the chorus is also book-ended in that the first three words and the last three words are identical. Nice!

This is excellent material to understand and deconstructing it has been very valuable for me.

I didn’t stop with the above. But I shan’t bore you with adding what followed into this post. If you want to discover where I went next, after thinking about the above, it’s on the below pdf file.

Here’s the link…

Continued on this pdf (Link)...

All the best and thank you! I'm really, really grateful for all the guidance that your work has provided me over the years.

Noel


That is quite the extensive analysis!! As I said above, I don't really "think about" a lot of this stuff as it happens...it "just happens". But that's because I've done it a lot - and for a long time - so most of those things just "fall into place" as I write. It is cool to see you break it down from your own perspective...

Thanks for taking the time to listen AND for the extensive write-up!!..


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Originally Posted By: CaptainMoto
I can see why there was interest in this, it's a winner1
Too bad they couldn't make it happen.............yet.

moto


moto - We just have to "make 'em happen" here amongst friends... thanks for being part of that!!

rayc #656680 05/23/21 05:05 AM
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Originally Posted By: rayc
Originally Posted By: Noel96

► Lines 7 and 9 don’t rhyme but there is a strong connection of consonance through “s” and “m”. Also the “o” sound in “promised” is close to the “u” sound in “something”. So, while there’s not a strict rhyme between these two words, there is definitely some sonic paste that glues them together a bit.

It would be the same for lines eight and ten of your matrix: "back" and "that" have a strong "a" which carries the day rather than a strict rhyme. It reads well enough and "RIGHT".


smile

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Thank you Ezekiel’s S and Misha for the harmony mention.
I do appreciate it.

Janice

Noel, I am humbled by your comments about my small role in this great production.
Thank you so much!

Janicr


Our albums and singles are on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music, YouTube Music, Pandora and more.
If interested search on Janice Merritt. Thanks!
Our Videos are here on our website.
ROG #656823 05/24/21 11:04 AM
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Originally Posted By: Steve Young
As stated many time, very clever write. Timeless subject, ages well (actually doesn't age at all), and the backing is fresh. I am always intrigued by songs that have a "down" subject with a very upbeat melody and backing. It fascinates me how well that works. I have written several like that, myself.

Thia is really great, in every way. The words are very well placed. The band is hot. And your vocals, as well as your musical-sister's spot on harmonies make for a very nice listen!

Steve


Thanks, Steve. Very much appreciated!!


Originally Posted By: ROG
Hi Floyd,

Foot-tapping good. You can dance to it as well - a good workout.

Absolutely classic Floyd all the way through.

Great performances and a wonderful "live" sounding mix.

Proper job.

ROG.


Thanks, ROG!!

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Late on this one, but I like it a lot. I'd really like to hear the original demo.

Regards,

Bob

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Great vocals. Really like the harmonies with your sister. A talented family!


Chris
More of my music at: https://soundcloud.com/user-663569023
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Steve & Chris

Thanks for the nice harmony comments.

It’s always a pleasure to be invited in on a song with my music brother!

J&B


Our albums and singles are on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music, YouTube Music, Pandora and more.
If interested search on Janice Merritt. Thanks!
Our Videos are here on our website.
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Originally Posted By: Charlie Fogle
Delightful write, arrangement, production and performance. This was right in the bullseye for what I recall of 90's hits. For me, this song sounds like it would fit into the wheelhouse of the Oak Ridge Boys during that time period unless the band was wanting to move into another direction and this one was too close to their current work.

No matter, the 90's came and went without it but fortunately for us, it's still a winner today. As always, you and Janet sound great together. Enjoyed my listen.


Charlie - Thanks! as always....


Originally Posted By: 90 dB
Late on this one, but I like it a lot. I'd really like to hear the original demo.

Regards,

Bob


Thanks, Bob!! (I'm still looking for it....)


Originally Posted By: Chris Dent
Great vocals. Really like the harmonies with your sister. A talented family!


Thanks for stopping by, Chris...



JANICE - THANK YOU. THANK YOU, THANKS YOU!!! smile

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So what was the rewrite of the opening lines you gave her? I mean if you're gonna bring it up...enquiring minds want to know. smile
This sounds good to me. I like the toe tapping 90's hats' vibe you got going on.
90's male country - hats, hunks or bands.
I remember that. grin

Josie

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