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Songwriting
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Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 266
Apprentice
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OP
Apprentice
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 266 |
Lastly, I should tell you that the only way I could reduce the length of this song to your max target length of 3:15 is by cutting the 4-bar intro, increasing the tempo to 124, and shortening the fade at the end of the song. But because none of these changes will do this song any justice, IMO, I decided to stick with what I have even though the total length is 3:30 instead of 3:15. I think you'll agree when you listen to the demo, which can be done at the following link: https://youtu.be/Gjo52QrT9XAI like this version. The bridge is a bit shall we say different and could probably be dropped totally or rework the chords. It resolved back into the song nicely but the bridge felt like it wasn't a part of the song overall. David gave you good advice on the song. Thanks for the feedback (and the compliment), Herb! I prefer the longer, full-length bridge myself (and so does my producer), but I wanted to see and hear how a shorter bridge would turn out and sound along with the other changes that David suggested I try as a "test." I'm working on a demo with the full-length original bridge, which I'll share the link to here when I upload it to my Youtube channel.
Tom Levan (pronounced La-VAN)
BiaB 2024 Win UltraPAK Build 1109, Xtra Style PAKs 1-11, RB 2024, Windows 10 Pro 64-bit, Intel Q9650 3 GHz, 16 GB RAM, 500 GB SSD & 2 TB HDD, Tracktion 6 & 7 (freebies), Cakewalk, Audacity, MuseScore 2.1 & 3.4, Synthesizer V
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Songwriting
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Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 8,443
Veteran
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Veteran
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 8,443 |
Tom, This is GREAT and the difference between night and day. Now THIS is a church sing-a-long song. Yes, you did it. I can see a P&W director using this and doing his own band arrangement, but keeping this feel. It has real drive now and it very catchy and has momentum. A phenomenal difference. Great rewrite man. CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  P.S. The bridge is cool now, but you are tripping over the words a teeny bit (or "she" is.) It may need something simpler word-wise to flow into chorus. Seems a little rushed with that many words. Can you think of something simpler? Overall, though this one is one heck of a dynamite rewrite. P.S.S. Don't mess with the length now. 3:30 is perfect. Any longer and you will start to ruin it. This is tight.
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Songwriting
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Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 266
Apprentice
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OP
Apprentice
Joined: Apr 2018
Posts: 266 |
Tom, This is GREAT and the difference between night and day. Now THIS is a church sing-a-long song. Yes, you did it. I can see a P&W director using this and doing his own band arrangement, but keeping this feel. It has real drive now and it very catchy and has momentum. A phenomenal difference. Great rewrite man. CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! P.S. The bridge is cool now, but you are tripping over the words a teeny bit (or "she" is.) It may need something simpler word-wise to flow into chorus. Seems a little rushed with that many words. Can you think of something simpler? Overall, though this one is one heck of a dynamite rewrite. P.S.S. Don't mess with the length now. 3:30 is perfect. Any longer and you will start to ruin it. This is tight. Thanks, David, for all your compliments on my rewrite of this song. Per your suggestion, I rewrote the lyrics and melody to the bridge again and was able to make it simpler with a better melodic flow. which also enabled me to improve the chord progression as well (as Herb mentioned in his post). Last Monday, I uploaded a demo of this new version, but I didn't have time to respond to your post until now so that I could share it with you. However, before I do that, I want to say that my producer created a rock arrangement of this song with the full-length bridge because he didn't think the shortened bridge was sufficient. His rock version is only eight seconds longer than my demo rock version (including the fade-out at the end) and has a real female vocalist singing the lyrics, so I don't think he "ruined it." Hopefully, you'll agree when you hear it. I'll send you (and Herb) a link to the video when I've had time to create one and upload it to my Youtube channel. In the meantime, here's the link to my new rock demo: Rock Version Demo #2: https://youtu.be/EE2d1GugEVA
Tom Levan (pronounced La-VAN)
BiaB 2024 Win UltraPAK Build 1109, Xtra Style PAKs 1-11, RB 2024, Windows 10 Pro 64-bit, Intel Q9650 3 GHz, 16 GB RAM, 500 GB SSD & 2 TB HDD, Tracktion 6 & 7 (freebies), Cakewalk, Audacity, MuseScore 2.1 & 3.4, Synthesizer V
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Ask sales and support questions about Band-in-a-Box using natural language.
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