Hi Jim,

Thank you for sharing your song. You're relatively new to these forums and I admire you for taking the chance to showcase your work. I remember feeling very nervous about putting my first song up for critique.

Your song haunts me. Even now, while I'm typing this, it's playing in my head.

This type of groove is one of my favorites. I really like the relaxed feel of a modern waltz and you've captured it extremely well. Also, I've got to say that I envy you your excellent singing pitch. It makes me realize just how much more practice I have to do!

In relation to the music, I like the way you started with uncomplicated and easy-listening harmony. As the song progressed, I appreciated how you added tension to the harmony to accompany and match the tension build-up in the words. To my mind, this was an excellent fit from a prosody perspective: very skillfully done.

While the first verse of the lyrics worked well for me, the lyric development of moving into an anti-war theme did not. I tend to be conservative when it comes to lyrics and this handicaps me when listening to works such as this song.

The above being said, though, in my mind, as your song played, I could see a couple dancing around while bombs were dropping, sirens were screaming, and rubble was falling in a cloud of dusty concrete. I was reminded of that scene in one of the movies about the Titanic where a couple dance as the boat sinks: the pathos of bitter and sweet tangled together in one final, tragic act. Your song did this and the fact that it managed to create this kind of mood for me is a real compliment to your ability. My impression is that you are a talented guy.

I'm looking forward to hearing your next one.

All the best with your songwriting
Noel

Last edited by Noel96; 03/23/10 02:31 AM.
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