Originally Posted By: David Snyder
Tom,

This is GREAT and the difference between night and day.

Now THIS is a church sing-a-long song. Yes, you did it.

I can see a P&W director using this and doing his own band arrangement, but keeping this feel.

It has real drive now and it very catchy and has momentum.

A phenomenal difference.

Great rewrite man.

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

smile

P.S. The bridge is cool now, but you are tripping over the words a teeny bit (or "she" is.) It may need something simpler word-wise to flow into chorus. Seems a little rushed with that many words. Can you think of something simpler? Overall, though this one is one heck of a dynamite rewrite.

P.S.S. Don't mess with the length now. 3:30 is perfect. Any longer and you will start to ruin it. This is tight.

Thanks, David, for all your compliments on my rewrite of this song. Per your suggestion, I rewrote the lyrics and melody to the bridge again and was able to make it simpler with a better melodic flow. which also enabled me to improve the chord progression as well (as Herb mentioned in his post). Last Monday, I uploaded a demo of this new version, but I didn't have time to respond to your post until now so that I could share it with you. However, before I do that, I want to say that my producer created a rock arrangement of this song with the full-length bridge because he didn't think the shortened bridge was sufficient. His rock version is only eight seconds longer than my demo rock version (including the fade-out at the end) and has a real female vocalist singing the lyrics, so I don't think he "ruined it." Hopefully, you'll agree when you hear it. I'll send you (and Herb) a link to the video when I've had time to create one and upload it to my Youtube channel. In the meantime, here's the link to my new rock demo:

Rock Version Demo #2: https://youtu.be/EE2d1GugEVA

Tom Levan (pronounced La-VAN)
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