James,

A good write, lyrically. The melody is fairly pretty repetitive. Could use some change-up somewhere...

Vocal sounds fine - just very slightly "boom-y" (dropping out the low end with some EQ could easily fix that).
There is a good deal of sibliance in the 2nd half (again, easily handled either manually or with a de-esser plugin - there are some free ones out there).

fj