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Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 6,395
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Veteran
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 6,395 |
So sorry to hear that, Eddie.
My father didn't think music was a good career either, encouraging me to 'get a trade' or 'work for the Post Office, those guys have it made'.
He was a printer by trade.
But he accepted my choice as my choice, and came to be comfortable with it when he saw me making a living at it.
He and my mom would come out to our gigs when Mrs. Notes and I decided to target the retirement audience.
Bob
Bob "Notes" Norton  Norton Music
https://www.nortonmusic.com
100% MIDI Super-Styles recorded by live, pro, studio musicians for a live groove
& Fake Disks for MIDI and/or RealTracks
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,296
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OP
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,296 |
He died during his 73rd year, when I was 39, after telling me on his deathbed that I was an embarrassment to him, that he was disappointed in what I had become, and that he was ashamed to admit that I was his son. I've been trying to think of what to say to this since you've posted it. I'm in Wisconsin. It gets cold enough here that people go fishing on the ice. I'm sure you already knew that. But, do you recognize and ice hole when you see one? I do. The truth in what he said wasn't about you. It was about himself. That was the last thing he said to me. I have been carrying that around for 31 years now, and I think about that every day. It will never go away. That man that I revered, that man who shaped me and who by example instilled into me my strong work ethic, died disappointed in me. You don't truly instill someone with great work ethic. You can try, but it just doesn't work that way. Ultimately it is their own choice. Disappointed in you? Heads up, there was NO WAY you would please someone like that. Man, he FAILED YOU as a father. You may feel the need to defend him or say some great attributes about him; but nothing excuses any of this. He didn't expose any short comings you have. He made all of his glaringly obvious to anyone not in the situation. Sorry you went through that...or are still living with it. I hope this doesn't come across wrong. I don't mean it as a "who needs a hug?" kind of way. I mean it as a "F him!" kind of way. Not your style of music at all, but the bridge may give you a bit of perspective... 52 million views on a lyric video that the band didn't even put out, I'm thinking you're not alone. Numb
Chad (Hope that makes it easier)
TEMPO TANTRUM: What a lead singer has when they can't stay in time.
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Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 745
Journeyman
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Journeyman
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 745 |
My dad told the hospice people how mean and hateful I was. (He was a work of art my whole life.) The hospice rep told him to stop that we were all here to help him.
The last thing he said to to was "what happened to us?" I told him "life happened."
I found out later that he was that way with my brothers. The worse was my oldest brother - he went though his whole life couch surfing. He was on the street. I got him the help he needed after a carbon monoxide accident. Just homeless - not abusing any drugs or booze. When I got him on disability because of the brain injury from the CO, he received $500.00 a month. My brother had no idea what to do with that kind of money. I told him "you need winter boots?" He said "I can buy them?" I said "sure if you want." That broke my heart.
I do check on my brother to be sure he is doing ok with his money. He is doing fine.
Sometimes parents really don't know how to parent. This does not make things right - it just is.
...Deb
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,373
Expert
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Expert
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,373 |
He died during his 73rd year, when I was 39, after telling me on his deathbed that I was an embarrassment to him, that he was disappointed in what I had become, and that he was ashamed to admit that I was his son. I've been trying to think of what to say to this since you've posted it. I'm in Wisconsin. It gets cold enough here that people go fishing on the ice. I'm sure you already knew that. But, do you recognize and ice hole when you see one? I do. The truth in what he said wasn't about you. It was about himself. That was the last thing he said to me. I have been carrying that around for 31 years now, and I think about that every day. It will never go away. That man that I revered, that man who shaped me and who by example instilled into me my strong work ethic, died disappointed in me. You don't truly instill someone with great work ethic. You can try, but it just doesn't work that way. Ultimately it is their own choice. Disappointed in you? Heads up, there was NO WAY you would please someone like that. Man, he FAILED YOU as a father. You may feel the need to defend him or say some great attributes about him; but nothing excuses any of this. He didn't expose any short comings you have. He made all of his glaringly obvious to anyone not in the situation. Sorry you went through that...or are still living with it. I hope this doesn't come across wrong. I don't mean it as a "who needs a hug?" kind of way. I mean it as a "F him!" kind of way. I'm no doctor, but I played doctor with the girl next door... a lot, and I agree 100% with what Caaron is saying here... Eddie, get some professional therapy and lose that poisonous baggage... Life is too short, and "this ain't no trial run". (sorry Mr. Mad-Duh-Sn, I couldn't hep-ma-self) Little More Time
Bandcamp Soundcloud Win-11; BiaB-2025 Audiophile
Cakewalk; Melodyne-5; Scaler 2; NI Komplete:
Focusrite Scarlett 18i20
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Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 2,703
Veteran
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Veteran
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 2,703 |
Hi Eddie,
I have been to sick to type. I been reading this thread. You know I care about you and I understand better than most what you are going throuth.
I am taking enough pain meds that it is a bit hard to think well.
I was seriouslly abused by my father and left home when I was 13. That set me up for PTSD. The PTSD set me up for drug addection which I recovered from.
None of this crap is easy Eddie. There is no cure for all the pain people have put you through. It does help to talk to someone who actually has been there. I am here for you man. You can PM me anytime. I will give you my telephone number. I will get in my damn car and drive to Ohio if need be. Perhaps not this week. I need all these tubes and stiches out before I can drive. Plus I would scare hell out of you if I showed looking like this....lol
PLease take care of yourself and call me anytime you need to talk.
Brothers in arms!
Billy
“Amazing! I’ll be working with Jaco Pastorius, Charlie Parker, Art Tatum, and Buddy Rich, and you’re telling me it’s not that great of a gig?
“Well…” Saint Peter, hesitated, “God’s got this girlfriend who thinks she can sing…”
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Off-Topic
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Joined: May 2020
Posts: 2,727
Product Manager
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Product Manager
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 2,727 |
I read through all this setting here in the The ICU after surgery that has gone well. Glad you're doing well Billy, hope you're back on your feet soon! Music is just like any other job. My original comment was that music is nothing magical or mystical. It's just something people can do. People who are just so mesmerized because they CAN'T do make me shake my head. Why? Because they CAN do it! Anybody can learn how to do anything if they want it bad enough. This has come up a few times recently in some of my musical circles (many of which involve musical education). The typical classical/western/colonial music system revolves around perfection and hierarchy, which in turn makes people think they aren't "good enough" to make music. Here's an example of something a teacher friend shared recently.There's the old saying "good enough for rock and roll" - I firmly believe that it's the imperfections that make music interesting and more human. And of course that's why you're all here - because RealTracks recorded from real musicians sound more interesting than any perfectly quantized computer-generated alternative. My old school Slovenian father thought anything but polkas and waltzes was not music, and despite sending me to music lessons at age 5 and buying me a guitar for Christmas when I was 11, fought me tooth and nail when I wanted to make music my life's career path. He refused to accept that there are ways to make a living that did not require a time card and a lunch box. He constantly discouraged me, badgered me in fact, from trying to follow my dream. He died during his 73rd year, when I was 39, after telling me on his deathbed that I was an embarrassment to him, that he was disappointed in what I had become, and that he was ashamed to admit that I was his son.
That was the last thing he said to me. I have been carrying that around for 31 years now, and I think about that every day. It will never go away. That man that I revered, that man who shaped me and who by example instilled into me my strong work ethic, died disappointed in me.
I have to go now. Excuse me, I seem to have something in my eye I learned the hard way that the best family is the one you choose. We here at the forums are a family of sorts, and not even a dysfunctional one given some of the responses here. Eddie, get some professional therapy and lose that poisonous baggage... Life is too short, and "this ain't no trial run". Agreed. Mental health is too easy to lose, and too difficult to recover. It is never a bad time to seek some professional help. We all love you Eddie - hell, I love all you guys! You make this job worth getting up for!
I work here
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eddie1261
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eddie1261
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Thanks to everybody for the kind and supportive words. Oddly there are things I took from my upbringing that I wouldn't change. Part of it came from family values, and was enhanced by the time in the military. Like, I am NEVER late. NEVER. I'd rather be 20 minutes early than 1 minute late. Veterans in general share that punctuality. When I was still working, I NEVER took days off. I can't give you a better example that Friday, Jan 25th, 2013. A car crossed a slippery highway during a snow storm and hit me broadside. I had some broken ribs on the left side, some bruised on the right, a bruised sternum from the air bag, small cuts all over my face from the shattered driver's side window, and a concussion from my head striking the passenger side window when the car hit the guard rail and careened back out into the second lane of traffic, spun around 180 degrees. The impact was so hard it knocked both shoes off and somehow I was "squirted" out of my seat belt.
Despite all of that, and given that it was a Friday, I took exactly 2 days off work the next week. As soon as the concussion (and it was a bad one) subsided to where I could drive, I went back to work. My logic was "I can be in pain at home or at the office. The office needs me because nobody will have to pick up my slack." The bosses worked with me to make sure I could sit all day, including bringing me lunch at noon and making sure I had water all day long. That is the work ethic I learned from observing my father. He never took a day off.
I made his disdain for music as a career path a positive. When you factor in how stubborn I am, that drove me to work harder, practice more, and drive band members to get every bit out of all of us that I could. I was going to show him that being in a band was a job like working in a factory, which he did his whole working life. The disconnect first came to a head when I told him, in these words, "You did fine by us. You worked hard to make sure we had a comfortable place to live, food and clothes, as well as finding ways to fund our hobbies. But I am the next generation, and blue collar is not for me. I don't want to be what you were. I have talents you didn't have and you must have known that because you sent me to lessons. Now that I am using that talent to forge out a career you are fighting me."
Then he got sick. His work as a finish buffer of musical instruments exposed him to lacquers and various other chemical compounds, and he ended up with asthma, emphysema, and as a result of smoking WAY too much for 45 years on top of the other stuff, lung cancer. When that happened, he checked out. He gave up and became mad at the world for things that were the result of his conscious choices. I am now 70, just 3 years younger than he was when he died, and never found the urge or desire to even try smoking. I have never touched a drug, even weed, despite being in a place where it grew wild for 18 months. And I am now 28 years beyond the years I drank way too much. Dec 31, 1993 was the last time I had a drink. He blamed everybody for his eventuality, and initially I bought into it. I have come to terms with it for the most part. As I near the end of my own life's journey and have a grasp on what deflection is, I understand why he was like he was. (That was HIS "why". To blame everybody else for his troubles.)
Part of his disdain for me was that I divorced the mother of my children and that was just not something his generation did. Compounding the felony was that I was on the road so much that 2 of his 6 grandchildren, who lived out of state, never came up to visit. Apparently I was supposed to stay with that horrible woman because he wanted me to. Then factor in that I quit the post office, something he thought was a dream job (it wasn't), to pursue music, and that was the next cog in his hate machine.
So yeah, I understand that his not being supportive of my choice or career to the point where he tried to undermine me at every turn was on him and not me. It's just hard to put to rest, and the competitive nature in me has made my inability to write the next White Christmas seem like another failure, like baseball when I was a kid, like relationships in my whole life... when I know in my heart that I am striving
for something that is extremely unlikely if only from a purely statistical perspective. Even if I DID write the next White Christmas it would never get any further than my hard drive because I have no clue how to get it out of my house and on the way to my Grammy Award.
As far as therapy, I have spent my share of time with shrinks and it helped some, but ultimately I am such a competitive person that I even find myself in a competition between the angel on my right shoulder and the devil on my left.
My best friend once told me "You are so stubborn you'd bury yourself alive to prove you know how to use a shovel." And she was right.
You've all seen that come out here from time to time. I am really a good guy with a great sense of humor and a huge heart. It just doesn't always show through.
But I digress, in this thread that largely due to me has gone WAY off track. Thank you all again for your kind words.
So just to appear to be on topic, I like pop music that was pop music when I was in my musically formative years. In the Motown, AWB, EW&F, TOP years.
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XPro and Xtra Styles PAKs Special Extended Until August 31st!
XPro & Xtra Styles PAKs Special Extended Until August 31st!
The XPro Styles PAKs and Xtra Styles PAKs special offers are now available until August 31st at 11:59pm PDT!
Ready to take your Band-in-a-Box® 2025 experience to the next level? Now’s the perfect time! Expand your style library with XPro and Xtra Styles PAKs—packed with a wide variety of genres to inspire your next musical creation.
What are XPro Styles and Xtra Styles PAKs?
XPro Styles PAKs are styles that work with any version (Pro, MegaPAK, UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition) of Band-in-a-Box® 2025 (or higher). XPro Styles PAKS 1-9 includes 900 styles!
Xtra Styles PAKs are styles that work with the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition of Band-in-a-Box® 2025 (or higher). With over 3,500 styles (and 35 MIDI styles) included in Xtra Styles PAKs 1-20, the possibilities are endless!
Get the XPro Styles PAKs 1 - 9 for only $29 ea (Reg. $49 ea), or get them all in the XPro Styles PAK Bundle for only $149 (reg. $299)! Listen to demos and order now! For Windows or for Mac.
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Note: The Xtra Styles require the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition of Band-in-a-Box®. (Xtra Styles PAK 19 requires the 2025 or higher UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition. They will not work with the Pro or MegaPAK version because they need the RealTracks from the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition.
Don’t miss this chance to supercharge your Band-in-a-Box setup—at a great price!
Mac 2025 Special Upgrade Offers Extended Until August 15th!
It's not too late to upgrade to Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Mac® and save! We've extended our special until August 15, 2025!
We've added many major new features to Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Mac®, including advanced AI tools like the amazing BB Stem Splitter and AI Lyrics Generator, as well as VST3 plugin support, and Equalize Temp. Plus, there’s a new one-stop MIDI Patches Picker with over 1,100 MIDI patches to choose from, all neatly categorized by GM numbers. The MultiPicker Library is enhanced with tabs for the SongPicker, MIDI Patch Picker, Chord Builder, AI Lyrics Generator, and Song Titles Browser, and the tabs are organized into logical groups. The Audiophile Edition is enhanced with FLAC files , which are 60% smaller than AIFF files while maintaining identical audio quality, and now ships on a fast 1TB SSD, and much more!
Check out all the new features in Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Mac® here:
Purchase your Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Mac during our special to save up to 50% off your upgrade purchase and receive a FREE BONUS PAK of amazing new Add-ons. These include the 2025 RealCombos Booster PAK, Look Ma! More MIDI 13: Country & Americana, Instrumental Studies Set 22: 2-Hand Piano Soloing - Rhythm Changes, MIDI SuperTracks Set 44: Jazz Piano, Artist Performance Set 17: Songs with Vocals 7, Playable RealTracks Set 4, RealDrums Stems Set 7: Jazz with Mike Clark, and more!
Upgrade to the 2025 49-PAK for just $49 and add 20 Bonus Unreleased RealTracks and 20 RealStyles, FLAC Files for the 20 Bonus Unreleased RealTracks, Look Ma! More MIDI 14: SynthMaster, MIDI SuperTracks Set 45: More SynthMaster, Artist Performance Set 18: Songs with Vocals 8, and RealDrums Stems Set 8: Pop, Funk & More with Jerry Roe.
Learn more about the Bonus PAKs!
New RealTracks Released with Band-in-a-Box 2025!
We’ve expanded the Band-in-a-Box® RealTracks library with 202 incredible new RealTracks (in sets 449-467) across Jazz, Blues, Funk, World, Pop, Rock, Country, Americana, and Praise & Worship—featuring your most requested styles!
Jazz, Blues & World (Sets 449–455):
These RealTracks includes “Soul Jazz” with Neil Swainson (bass), Mike Clark (drums), Charles Treadway (organ), Miles Black (piano), and Brent Mason (guitar). Enjoy “Requested ’60s” jazz, classic acoustic blues with Colin Linden, and more of our popular 2-handed piano soloing. Plus, a RealTracks first—Tango with bandoneon, recorded in Argentina!
Rock & Pop (Sets 456–461):
This collection includes Disco, slap bass ‘70s/‘80s pop, modern and ‘80s metal with Andy Wood, and a unique “Songwriter Potpourri” featuring Chinese folk instruments, piano, banjo, and more. You’ll also find a muted electric guitar style (a RealTracks first!) and “Producer Layered Guitar” styles for slick "produced" sound.
Country, Americana & Praise (Sets 462–467):
We’ve added new RealTracks across bro country, Americana, praise & worship, vintage country, and songwriter piano. Highlights include Brent Mason (electric guitar), Eddie Bayers (drums), Doug Jernigan (pedal steel), John Jarvis (piano), Glen Duncan (banjo, mandolin & fiddle), Mike Harrison (electric bass) and more—offering everything from modern sounds to heartfelt Americana styles
Check out all the 202 New RealTracks (in sets 456-467)
And, if you are looking for more, the 2025 49-PAK (for $49) includes an additional 20 RealTracks with exciting new sounds and genre-spanning styles. Enjoy RealTracks firsts like Chinese instruments (guzheng & dizi), the bandoneon in an authentic Argentine tango trio, and the classic “tic-tac” baritone guitar for vintage country.
You’ll also get slick ’80s metal guitar from Andy Wood, modern metal with guitarist Nico Santora, bass player Nick Schendzielos, and drummer Aaron Stechauner, more praise & worship, indie-folk, modern/bro country with Brent Mason, and “Songwriter Americana” with Johnny Hiland.
Plus, enjoy user-requested styles like Soul Jazz RealDrums, fast Celtic Strathspey guitar, and Chill Hop piano & drums!
The 2025 49-PAK is loaded with other great new add-ons as well. Learn more about the 2025 49-PAK!
Bonus PAKs for Band-in-a-Box 2025 for Mac!
With your version 2025 for Mac Pro, MegaPAK, UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, Audiophile Edition or PlusPAK purchase, we'll include a Bonus PAK full of great new Add-ons FREE! Or upgrade to the 2025 49-PAK for only $49 to receive even more NEW Add-ons including 20 additional RealTracks!
These PAKs are loaded with additional add-ons to supercharge your Band-in-a-Box®!
This Free Bonus PAK includes:
- The 2025 RealCombos Booster PAK:
-For Pro customers, this includes 33 new RealTracks and 65+ new RealStyles.
-For MegaPAK customers, this includes 29 new RealTracks and 45+ new RealStyles.
-For UltraPAK customers, this includes 20 new RealStyles.
- Look Ma! More MIDI 13: Country & Americana
- Instrumental Studies Set 22: 2-Hand Piano Soloing - Rhythm Changes
- MIDI SuperTracks Set 44: Jazz Piano
- Artist Performance Set 17: Songs with Vocals 7
- Playable RealTracks Set 4
- RealDrums Stems Set 7: Jazz with Mike Clark
- SynthMaster Sounds and Styles (with audio demos)
- 128 GM MIDI Patch Audio Demos.
Looking for more great add-ons, then upgrade to the 2025 49-PAK for just $49 and you'll get:
- 20 Bonus Unreleased RealTracks and RealDrums with 20 RealStyles,
- FLAC Files (lossless audio files) for the 20 Bonus Unreleased RealTracks and RealDrums
- Look Ma! More MIDI 14: SynthMaster,
- Instrumental Studies Set 23: More '80s Hard Rock Soloing,
- MIDI SuperTracks Set 45: More SynthMaster
- Artist Performance Set 18: Songs with Vocals 8
- RealDrums Stems Set 8: Pop, Funk & More with Jerry Roe
Learn more about the Bonus PAKs for Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Mac®!
New! Xtra Styles PAK 20 for Band-in-a-Box 2025 and Higher for Mac!
Xtra Styles PAK 20 for Mac & Windows Band-in-a-Box version 2025 (and higher) is here with 200 brand new RealStyles!
We're excited to bring you our latest and greatest in the all new Xtra Styles PAK 20 for Band-in-a-Box! This fresh installment is packed with 200 all-new styles spanning the rock & pop, jazz, and country genres you've come to expect, as well as the exciting inclusion of electronic styles!
In this PAK you’ll discover: Minimalist Modern Funk, New Wave Synth Pop, Hard Bop Latin Groove, Gospel Country Shuffle, Cinematic Synthwave, '60s Motown, Funky Lo-Fi Bossa, Heavy 1980s Metal, Soft Muted 12-8 Folk, J-Pop Jazz Fusion, and many more!
All the Xtra Styles PAKs 1 - 20 are on special for only $29 each (reg $49), or get all 209 PAKs for $199 (reg $399)! Order now!
Learn more and listen to demos of the Xtra Styles PAK 20.
Video: Xtra Styles PAK 20 Overview & Styles Demos: Watch now!
Note: The Xtra Styles require the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition of Band-in-a-Box®. (Xtra Styles PAK 20 requires the 2025 or higher UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition. They will not work with the Pro or MegaPAK version because they need the RealTracks from the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition.
New! XPro Styles PAK 9 for Band-in-a-Box 2025 and higher for Mac!
We've just released XPro Styles PAK 9 for Mac & Windows Band-in-a-Box version 2025 (and higher) with 100 brand new RealStyles, plus 29 RealTracks/RealDrums!
We've been hard at it to bring you the latest and greatest in this 9th installment of our popular XPro Styles PAK series! Included are 75 styles spanning the rock & pop, jazz, and country genres (25 styles each) that fans have come to expect, as well as 25 styles in this volume's wildcard genre: funk & R&B!
If you're itching to get a sneak peek at what's included in XPro Styles PAK 9, here is a small helping of what you can look forward to: Funky R&B Horns, Upbeat Celtic Rock, Jazz Fusion Salsa, Gentle Indie Folk, Cool '60s Soul, Funky '70s R&B, Smooth Jazz Hip Hop, Acoustic Rockabilly Swing, Funky Reggae Dub, Dreamy Retro Latin Jazz, Retro Soul-Rock Fusion, and much more!
Special Pricing! Until July 31, 2024, all the XPro Styles PAKs 1 - 9 are on sale for only $29 ea (Reg. $49 ea), or get them all in the XPro Styles PAK Bundle for only $149 (reg. $299)! Order now!
Learn more and listen to demos of XPro Styles PAKs.
Video: XPro Styles PAK 9 Overview & Styles Demos: Watch now!
XPro Styles PAKs require Band-in-a-Box® 2025 or higher and are compatible with ANY package, including the Pro, MegaPAK, UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, and Audiophile Edition.
New! Xtra Styles PAK 20 for Band-in-a-Box 2025 and Higher for Windows!
Xtra Styles PAK 20 for Windows & Mac Band-in-a-Box version 2025 (and higher) is here with 200 brand new RealStyles!
We're excited to bring you our latest and greatest in the all new Xtra Styles PAK 20 for Band-in-a-Box! This fresh installment is packed with 200 all-new styles spanning the rock & pop, jazz, and country genres you've come to expect, as well as the exciting inclusion of electronic styles!
In this PAK you’ll discover: Minimalist Modern Funk, New Wave Synth Pop, Hard Bop Latin Groove, Gospel Country Shuffle, Cinematic Synthwave, '60s Motown, Funky Lo-Fi Bossa, Heavy 1980s Metal, Soft Muted 12-8 Folk, J-Pop Jazz Fusion, and many more!
All the Xtra Styles PAKs 1 - 20 are on special for only $29 each (reg $49), or get all 209 PAKs for $199 (reg $399)! Order now!
Learn more and listen to demos of the Xtra Styles PAK 20.
Video: Xtra Styles PAK 20 Overview & Styles Demos: Watch now!
Note: The Xtra Styles require the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition of Band-in-a-Box®. (Xtra Styles PAK 20 requires the 2025 or higher UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition. They will not work with the Pro or MegaPAK version because they need the RealTracks from the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition.
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