PG Music Home Forums General Discussion User Showcase MASTERED Locked & Loaded PBExt.

Hello Folks,
SoundCloud link: MASTERED
I started the music for this one about a week ago. It's "fairly" well sorted in terms of arrangement but not mix, tone etc.
It needed a lyric & melody but I had nothing until I woke up yesterday with a line "He's locked & loaded as she walks to the door."
I ignored it for a while but it nagged so I sat and wrote it into a word prog then the rest dribbled out.
Not a happy narrative.
I decided to try an on the run no thinking melody so did two passes in the DAW with the new lyric.
Sloppy and ugly as expected.
I tidied it a little today but it's a vocal that needs to be replaced obviously.
Any & all suggestions about the lyric, melody, arrangement, playing etc are MOST welcome and will be, at the very least, tried.
BIAB provided the RealDrums and, via Janice & Bud, the Super MIDI farfisa style organ.
the rest is me on Harley Benton 12 string electric, Vantage bass, Squire Mustang, an ACtone pedal, a spring Reverb pedal and a Marshall amp.
UPPER GARAGE....working title (file removed)

Here's a new mix. I've tried all suggestions...including the harmony guitar which was fun to do but didn't work...more a lack of skill on my part...I even tried a pitched clone and that, as you'd expect, wasn't too lovely. I use some aggression, used drive, overdrive and distortion on the vocals but they all seem to grab hold of the sibilant zone and drove me NUTZ BUT it is in this mix. I've upped the PSP Vintage Warmer level for some grit but you'll hear what transpired.
New verse vocal (double tracked) and some levelling via automation rather than a VST.


I've removed the dirt/grit - it was causing all sorts of problems - not least of all IN my head. I've had another crack at the harmony lead part...only the 2nd half though. I removed almost all the compression plugins used on the previous mix and used gentler, stacked ones on this...had to do some more de-essing as a result. Vocals are much more up front now.
Latest mix no grit (file removed)

Lyrics...
V1
He's locked and loaded as she heads for the door
This battle won at the start of his War
Just shut your mouth or there'll be more
C1
It wasn't long till it came crashing down
The face transformed: the anger the frown
There's no one she knows in this town
There's no escape no where to run
There's nothing
V2
Bags packed and ready because she wants no more
And there's no protection within the law
Can't recall what she wanted him for
C2
It wasn't long till it came crashing down
Lover transformed: to a dangerous clown
He was her king but he battered his crown
There's no escape no where to run
There's nothing
SOLO
C3
It wasn't long till it came crashing down
She's going under and feels like she'll drown
The marks don't fade: they're the talk of the town
There's no escape no where to run
There's nothing
V3
He's all excuses for the heart that he tore
Just one more chance it's like it was before
A bed of roses till there's a thorn
C4
It wasn't long till it came crashing down
The face transformed: the anger the frown
He was her king but he battered his crown
There's no escape no where to run
There's nothing
C5
It wasn't long till it came crashing down
It all imploded: it came crashing down
It wasn't long till it came crashing down
There's no escape no where to run
There's nothing