ray,
There's a lot to like here.
A good write. Interesting images/phrases throughout. A very interesting melody, too!
The opening is really nice. A nice combination of guitars, bass and drums. Very Catchy!!
Those guitars work throughout.
I like the soloing! A great fit.
The vocals seem too "sweet". The lyric (and at times, the melody) has a real edge to it. The vocal tone doesn't match that. I would expect a "rougher", "meaner", more "angry" kind of vocal (but I may be missing the point all together. I can do that....)
Cool stuff.
fj