ray,

There's a lot to like here.

A good write. Interesting images/phrases throughout. A very interesting melody, too!

The opening is really nice. A nice combination of guitars, bass and drums. Very Catchy!!
Those guitars work throughout.

I like the soloing! A great fit.

The vocals seem too "sweet". The lyric (and at times, the melody) has a real edge to it. The vocal tone doesn't match that. I would expect a "rougher", "meaner", more "angry" kind of vocal (but I may be missing the point all together. I can do that....)

Cool stuff.

fj