Originally Posted By: floyd jane
ray,

There's a lot to like here.
A good write. Interesting images/phrases throughout. A very interesting melody, too!
The opening is really nice. A nice combination of guitars, bass and drums. Very Catchy!!
Those guitars work throughout.
I like the soloing! A great fit.
The vocals seem too "sweet". The lyric (and at times, the melody) has a real edge to it. The vocal tone doesn't match that. I would expect a "rougher", "meaner", more "angry" kind of vocal (but I may be missing the point all together. I can do that....)
Cool stuff.
fj

Thanks for responding Floyd,
It's an unsubtle and messy narrative but it is, almost 100% as it arrived. I did shorten the last line of each chorus as it was crowded and clipped.
The intro was simple to do as it was just the chords & no thinking required.
The solo, really, is my 1st attempt at starting off by just playing the scale...and it shows as the 1st half is just the bottom strings playing at being a bass part. After that, as you can hear, I played the chord tones on the E, B & G strings and that's about all. I did add some tube screamer to it but it went from being simplistic to being simplistic and messy.
Ha, my vocal as sweet...I know what you mean though. It is the best I could manage given I was singing it for the 2nd time and I couldn't get a "voice" other that my own that early on.
Yes, I'd expect a good, angry woman's voice in this. Instead I offer a poor sympathetic one. I'll work on things though...thanks.

Last edited by rayc; 10/15/21 03:23 PM.
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe