Hmmm... be nice.... I have to try that.

Long ago I was playing sax in a 3 piece horn section and some guy wandered up to the leader and asked if he could sing with the band. He told us that earlier that night he had opened for a big time player at a venue across town. The leader bought the story and let him sing. He started asking us about all these current (this was the late 80s) country songs. I said "Dude, we are a 60s and 70s oldies band. Nobody up here knows ANY country music." He then decided that he would sing "When We Make Love" a capella. Oy.

The bass player was a guy I had known since childhood. We called him Hoss because looked exactly like Dan Blocker from Bonanza. (And in fact played tackle on his high school team, so he WAS a blocker!) This guy opened his mouth to sing and it was so bad the room went silent because they thought it was a comedy bit. I looked at Hoss and he had his back to the crowd biting into the towel he always had on stage, laughing uncontrollably. When the guy finished with his assault on vocal music, the leader gave him a big "How about a hand for Rocky?"

Dead silence.

We took a break and went into the dressing room and I thought we were going to have to call EMS to come and revive Hoss because he just exploded into laughter and couldn't catch his breath. And I kept on him the whole time! I said "That guy is probably on the phone right now with his mammy back in Alabama saying 'You shoulda seen it maw! There wunt a dry eye in the house!' " Hoss kept screaming at me "Stop!! Stop!!" We had to take and extra 10 minutes on break so everybody could get their composure back before we could play again. And between songs I would go up to my mic and bark out "When... we make LUUUUUUV...." This guy redefined bad. He hit every key in the space of a 3 minute song!

From that day forward, NOBODY gets on my stage. There are too many Rockys out there.