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https://soundcloud.com/user-76836945-522642460/what-went-wrong?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

Pop rock tune that started as true biography then took an unpleasant turn, much like my vocals).

BIAB Cavort style
Guitars: 1260, 2757, 631
Synth pads: 1840, 1801
Synth Drums: Dance rock
Bass: 995
Kitchen Sink: Kohler


She was a girl
who wanted everything.
He was just a boy
who had nothing to give.
So he left home
to do his own thing
and maybe find a job so
they could both live
For months and months
he pined away,
buried in his work, or
alone in his crib.

He wondered aloud
“How long would it take
for her to begin
to really miss me?”
And walked down
the railroad tracks
and suddenly started to
whistle “Dixie”
He envisioned
all four million steps
between here
and Mississippi.

What went wrong
was everything.
He tried to cure loneliness
with a wedding ring.
In the end
it doesn't mean a thing.
You can’t solve a problem
just with some bling.
He flew back home
for the wedding.
His Daddy said
you can still change your mind.
Father-in-law nodded
his agreement,
and you better hurry
you’re running out of time.
But he knew
he had come too far
to leave the girl of his dreams
so far behind.

Life in L.A.
was a pleasure.
Sun-seared days
bodies sizzled all night.
She would sleep late
every morning; her bikini
by the pool
became a common sight.
He came home tired
every evening
just as she went out
dressed to delight

What went wrong
was everything.
The girl he married
was not the one he knew before.
In the end
it doesn't mean a thing.
You can’t solve a problem
you want to ignore.
The final straw came
when she left him,
and ran off to Vegas
with a millionaire
He spent his evenings
with Jack Daniels,
numbing the pain
until he no longer cared
Then he realized
he’d had enough
and decided that life
isn't often fair

What went wrong
was everything
just another chapter
in a book of history
In the end you can't
build your dreams
on nothing more than
your best memories
Or what will go wrong
is everything


What will go wrong
is everything
------------

Good work!

There are some nice lines in here, like:

      He envisioned
      all four million steps
      between here
      and Mississippi.

and

      What went wrong
      was everything

You didn't say if you wanted any feedback, so feel free to skip this next part!

The sequence felt a bit disjointed - in the second verse he's walking away, and the third he's getting married. I felt like I lost the narrative thread.

I would have liked more difference between the verse and chorus. IMNSHO they sounded too much alike, and it helps to break the song into sections.

I post only for feedback,and I appreciate it all. First verse he left home to find a job, second verse walking around pondering next move, third verse returns home for his girl to bring her to Cali. Of course, if I have to explain that then the song is obviously unclear. I'll work on a distinction between verse and chorus. Thank you very much for your input!

Excellent tune. Super vocal and backtrack. Cool story in the lyric. Well done

Kind of you to say so. Thanks!

Cool rock song
Could have used a guitar solo ;-)
Many greetings
Andi ;-)

Good job on the tracks, and song write... Vocals are a little pitchy in a few spots, easily fixed with Melodyne, or some such.
I don't know what it costs now, but Melodyne is well worth the price.

I've been reading reviews and shopping around. My greatest concern isn't cost but lack of technical skill to make any such device work adequately.

Tells quite a story.

moto

Thanks! Quasi-autobiographical, at least the beginning.