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#707298 03/03/22 08:49 AM
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https://soundcloud.com/user-76836945-522642460/blink?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

BIAB ballad.
Style: _ELFLUTE
Guitars: 405, 543
Drums:683
Drum loop: Nashville even
Strings:2058
Synth pad: 1805
Bass: 683

I am not happy with the chorus and welcome suggestions.

Lyrics:
I mistook your blink for a wink
and ended up flat on the floor
All in all that wasn’t so bad
until I went back for more
The look of surprise on your face
was worth the price of admission
That was until your grip on my throat
resulted in my submission

You didn’t have to grip so hard
you didn’t have to grip so hard

I came to with your lips on mine
Artificial respiration
I can resist almost anything
But yielded to the temptation
As I recovered my senses
I pulled you close risking attack
Body tense with anticipation
Surprised by your kissing me back

You didn’t have to kiss so hard
you didn’t have to kiss so hard

I saw passion burning in your eyes
Drawing me closer to your flame
Tasted the hunger in your mouth
Eager to get on with the game
We raced ahead to a safe place
So anxious to become alone
You threw me down and climbed on top
And rode me to the danger zone

You didn’t have to ride so hard
You didn’t have to ride so hard

BLONG #707314 03/03/22 10:28 AM
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You have a good start here. This is a very good song.

My suggestions for the chorus would be as follows:
1-replace that distorted guitar. To these old ears it just doesn't fit with the rest of the song.
2-shorten the second hard. Do not sing it into the next chord.

Note these are only my opinions and other may or may not agree. YMMV

A good start and with a little polish it will shine.


You know you're getting old when a recliner and a heating pad is your idea of a hot date!

64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
MarioD #707333 03/03/22 01:42 PM
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Thank you! Enjoy the snow (I live in St. Pete, FL and it's 80!)

BLONG #707371 03/03/22 05:45 PM
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Ha! laugh

The balance on the mix feels off. Getting vocals to fit with the backing tracks can be tricky, but I think it would work with something a bit more driving, like rhythm guitar, along with a bit more power to the vocal. The energy just feels to low for this particular song.

In terms of chorus, it works for me.


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?
dcuny #707378 03/03/22 06:31 PM
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You are right on point regarding low energy.

BLONG #707383 03/03/22 07:49 PM
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Just to mention: "Blink by BLONG" is an awesome subject in the forum index! =8^)

BLONG #707400 03/04/22 03:13 AM
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Very clever song lyrics... a good write & arrangement.
I would suggest adding a compressor/limiter to the vocal track to help keep the level more even.
Good work, keep at it...


Bandcamp
Soundcloud
Win-11; BiaB-2024-latest Beta;
Cakewalk; Melodyne-5; Scaler 2; NI Komplete:
Focusrite Scarlett 18i20



BLONG #707912 03/08/22 12:02 AM
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I really like the contrast of the laid back vocal delivery and the violence.
The distorted guitar is VERY fizzy and, if not replaced, should be heavily EQd to remove the super high freq. noise.
A good solid guitar track would work better - most "distorted" guitars in recorded rock - stuff like AC/DC for example, aren't really very distorted...their "heaviness" comes from tone and double tracking/hard panning.


Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
BLONG #707929 03/08/22 02:13 AM
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Hello Blong,

A very nice song, good chorus and clever lyrics!
But I think it's good to take the advises given here about the band or guitar play.

Your song could use some more expression on the instruments, as on the vocals.
It seems you hold back too much on your singing, especially at the end.
You don't have to yell or something like that, but just a bit more power to gain that expression in the song.

Still, it is a very nice song!

Hans


Hans Berkhout
(Birchwood)
https://soundcloud.com/user-296497130
Birchwood #708021 03/08/22 11:42 AM
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Rayc and Birchwood, I am a great admirer of your work and take to heart your advice. I sincerely appreciate the feedback.

BLONG #708199 03/09/22 04:00 PM
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Really cool song. Love the picture on the Soundcloud page. Reminded me of my high school band. I had a few of those wink/ blink situations. Well done


Scott Collingwood
https://soundcloud.com/scottt709
https://soundcloud.com/spiritlevel-ca
https://www.youtube.com/@SpiritLevel-ge3hm/
Scott C #708267 03/10/22 06:58 AM
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Thank you, Scott. Yes, those wink/blink things can be exciting, or de-moralizing. I was 13 in that photo. The left-handed guitarist still plays in a band periodically. Those were fun days. We played at a party in a town 9 miles away and called that "going on tour!"

BLONG #708269 03/10/22 07:06 AM
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Hello Blong
I actually like the song quite a bit
I think in a hurry you should change the drums
But basically you should also have fun with BiaB
Because that is the most important thing
many greetings
Andi ;-)

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