PG Music Home Forums General Discussion User Showcase One More Day (co-write w/ Greg)

A co-write with Greg Johnson.
The original version of this was (intentionally) a Waylon kind of thing - intended for a pitch to a Country act looking for that sound. And I produced it to have that type sound with that type melody and rhythm.
I thought the lyric could lend itself to a more current sound, so I wrote a new melody and did an entirely new production.
Throwing it against the wall.

(The original was called "Man On A Mission" - an obvious title.
It was posted here a couple of years ago.
I changed it to ONE MORE DAY to differentiate this version.
IF you want, you can hear the original by scrolling down the main Soundcloud page).


The BAND:
RealTracks in song: 3467:Bass, Electric, AmericanaSyncSteveAB Ev16 085
RealTracks in song: 2667:Pedal Steel, Background DreamySingleNote Ev 075
RealTracks in song: 3162:Guitar, Baritone Electric, Rhythm BluesyPopHeldEmbelBrent Ev 100
Loop in Song: Drums\ShakerSlow16ths
Royalty Free Loops (snaps, claps, e-drums)
I played the pianos (electric and acoustic)


ONE MORE DAY

if i had a dollar for every good choice that i’ve made
i'd be just as broke as i am once my rent's been paid
i ain’t lived the life that most folks say that i should
but balance it out i'd have to say i'm on the right side of good
   
   i'm a man on a mission
   so don't get in my way
   'cause that's a dangerous position
   and a heavy price to pay
   i don't need your permission
   and i don't care what you say
   i'm a man on a mission to get through
   one more day

been a month of sundays since i sat in any church pew
i don't ask that you forgive my sins, though there've been quite a few
the devil's tried his best, but i never took that branding
me and the man upstairs got our own understanding
   
   i'm a man on a mission...

i've had my heart broken, i broke one or two in return
been knocked down so many times you'd think that i might have learned
some were just for fun, but, you know, i've loved me a few
so i keep getting back up, jumpin' back in 'cause that's what a man's got to do
   
   i'm a man on a mission...

(tag)    a man on a mission...one more day


Comments encouraged.
Have at it.
Thanks for listening.

fj

You and your co-writer did a great job on this one to be sure! Your voice lends itself well to the song.

Good dynamics between the verses and chorus. Have you guys considered turning the third verse into a two line bridge with a different melody?

Regardless, great job!

This is a really fine song/production...
Wonderful performances too.
Excellent co-write... Well done Gentlemen.

The voice, the melody, the lyrics and piano REALLY make this. The modernish additions are really cool but it's such a strong song that the just Floyd elements would carry it without nought else.

I've got really mixed feelings about this.

On hearing the intro, I was thinking "That's a lot of words to say before the song starts..."

Without an rhythm, it's sort of hard for me to feel the underlying structure of the verse. So it comes across as spoken instead of a capella.

On the other hand, I liked the chorus... from a music standpoint, anyway. To me, the style is a slow and introspective, as if the singer is coming to a conclusion about something that's plain as day, but that he's been avoiding because it's emotionally painful. Especially with that unaccompanied introduction.

That's at odds with the lyrics. The attitude of the singer is defiant. He's not apologizing for what he's done - he's telling people that he's on a mission and people better get out of his way.

With a different set of lyrics, this would be an awesome song. The arrangement is interesting, and the brooding melody works... well, maybe with a bit more support on the intro.

But as it is, the mismatch between the music and lyrics leaves me feeling like I took a bite of cake that tasted like corned beef. I'm a lazy listener who doesn't like to deal with cognitive dissonance.

Hi floyd jane,

Very soft atmosphere lending to reflection. The crescendo in the introduction of the instruments is well thought out. It's pleasant. I appreciated.

Kindly regard
Derochette
aliasJaniJackFlash

Floyd and Greg,

I listened several times to the song, because:
a) its a nice and sensitive song and I like that,
b) the lyrics, where I wondered what that mission could be and why 'one more day', but I think I understand it now. The mission is 'keep on going on the path you walk (for brevity), and 'one more day' counts for all the days ahead while living by the day (also for brevity).
c) the used instruments. The song starts very modest, so I expected more instruments will enter at the chorus, like your acoustic guitar, louder drums and so on. But the song stayed modest. Even towards the end. And I liked that! because now all the attention went to your vocals and they are so nice (for brevity...), In fact they are your strongest 'instrument' in all your songs as I may have stated before.
d) Then I remembered listening to the original some years ago. Also modest, but as I can recall the acoustic guitar was more present and the lyrics a bit different (that is undoubtedly the input of Greg?). But maybe I'm wrong about that, memories can be dagerous things...
e) I learned something too, didn't know what a pew is, now I do!

Altogether I really enjoyed your song,
Hans

Great day! Two of my all-time favorites, Floyd Jane & Greg Johnson. What a great song. The lyrics are (as always) outstanding. Vocals (as always) just perfect and engaging. The prefect band to back it all up. I remember Man On A Mission well. It's a great highway song. Both versions are perfect what you set out to do.

Mission accomplished, Floyd.

Love the clarity you achieved in the production. A quality lyrical write and though I'm sure the instrument sparsity was intentional, there were moments where the lyrics seemed to call for more if that makes sense. Overall, another strong presentation. Enjoyed it.

Charlie

I hadn't heard the original version yet (I've been away for a couple of years), but I think I like that more. The country feel and rhythm works better with the timing of the lyrics. The arrangement also gives more "punch" to it I think.

Up to your usual high standards in some ways. But to be completely honest, I've heard both you and Greg do more interesting stuff in the past...

Just my two bits.

Rob

Floyd,

I remember the original version well - it was a great song.

But, I really like this softer and more blunted version. It provides a different perspective and adds a level of edginess to the narrative.

Stellar vocal and production. Excellent work...

Bob

Hi Floyd,

Reading though the other comments as I listen, I'm the total opposite of David about the intro. I love it! Very powerful with just the vocal and piano.

Really liked that drum loop and shaker combo.

I see I reviewed the earlier version and went back to give it another listen. I prefer your new version with the more modern approach.

Very nice! I really like the minimalistic approach this takes. Nice job on the pianos. As usual... A fine mix, vocals and all that stuff.

Well done Floyd & Greg!

Greg

Floyd, I listened to both, and like aspects of both versions. The lyrics are strong, so it shines either way. Personally, I like the up-tempo version the best, but then again I'm a big Waylon fan. The verses in that song sound an awful lot like "Good-Hearted Woman", but maybe to much? - dunno. I like the shaker and other stuff you put in the back tracks of the slower version. I think the problem you have here is that you've got a good song either way you go. Good problem to have.

There are some really interesting and at times lovely things going on with the music and production in this.

If you want a deeper analysis, just ping me man and I will write more. I have a lot of thoughts and don't want to flap my gums here.

Sounds good though buddy.

I agree and couldn't have said it any better.

Fantastic intro and dynamics

Great groove

Loved it

Dear Floyd: I tried to listen to both versions, I really did. I'm afraid that I couldn't listen to that second version for very long, after the first. The "oom-chaka, oom-chaka", up-tempo rhythm just didn't agree with me after having listened to One More Day, first ... so I'm afraid I gave up on Man on a Mission.

That said:

One More Day is absolutely superb. It's modern-sounding, lyrical and the down-tempo works, for me, perfectly. It's almost alike a sincere prayer, to me. I can also hear (at least some of) the Greg Johnson elements in it. What a combination of writers. In any case, this really works and communicates directly to the listener - your delivery and the slow tempo, as well as the modern arrangement, all combine to make him or her really sit up and listen.

One of your absolute very best, I loved it.

I thought the lyrics fit the mood and tempo of the track very well. Very pleasant, subtle arrangement - just the right mix to avoid detracting from the message.

I listened to both and ... well I like the original version better. It does however, follow the melody line of Good Hearted Woman pretty closely in the verses. It'll pack a dance floor quickly in a honky-tonk bar. It certainly has a really nice groove and moves along with a purpose.

The new version, starts rather slowly but it builds nicely as it goes along but in my personal opinion, it never quite built to where I was expecting it to go. I didn't quite like the electronic drum sounds interspersed in a few places. Almost like they were an afterthought to try to make it sound modern. I felt like it never quite got into the groove I was expecting. It remained more of a slow melancholy kind of song. Not that it's a bad version, just different and not my cuppa.

Where you succeeded:

This experiment does go to prove and show a rather interesting point about song writing. And this is where this version excels. Most writers when faced with the task of rewriting a song are so stuck in the rut or married to the original version that writing a major departure from the original like this is all but impossible. You succeeded nicely in making this one so different from the original that hearing the two version in a play list, most folks would totally miss that it was the same song until they hit the hook.... "Man on a Mission" and they'd say to themselves, ... hey that sounds familiar. Where have I heard that before.

Nicely done on the total switching versions so they don't sound remotely the same.

Loved this song Floyd. Love the intro. The changes in energy in the song were very cool. Super vocal and lyric. Band was excellent. Excellent collaboration..