Originally Posted By: rayc
Lyrically the crippled grammar of "too much drinks" on repeat wasn't a great start for my ears.
"Too many drinks" or "Too much to drink" would be correct but neither fit your three syllables melody.
Similarly "a beautiful decor" is a bit clunky.

Wow, that's exactly the feedback I was hoping for...thanks a lot, rayc
I'm not a native speaker, so I'm never 100% sure whether a phrase makes sense or is complete bullshit. In German there's a speaking that people like to "decorate" themselves with beautiful partners, so my assumption was that this translates well, which it obviously doesn't...lesson learned!

"too much drinks" is actually a mistake I shouldn't have made because I know that it's wrong. I guess when you brain is in "creative mode" it doesn't check grammar, and once that phrase was established in my subconsciousness I never questioned it.
I think in the future I'll better post my lyrics in the songwriting forum first...both mistakes could have easily been fixed in the early phases of the song.

Originally Posted By: rayc
The vocal sits high in the mix and seems to have a fair whack of reverb compared to the band's room.

Actually the initial version had less reverb to give the song more punk feeling, but I didn't like it. I think when I bring the vocals down a dB or three it'll be less obvious. I'll try that.

Originally Posted By: rayc
Musically you need to shift gear somewhere either in dynamics, key or vocal performance as the song starts as as promising and ten chugs along in the one direction.
LOTS of potential though.

I have to think a bit about this. Punk isn't known for lots of musical variation, on the other hand the song is technically punk-pop, so more variation is something to consider.

Again, thanks LOT to take the time to listen to the song and to write your feedback. I really appreciated this a lot!

Last edited by B.D.Thomas; 07/21/22 06:42 AM.
Goldmania Bella
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