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An original song - Suspicious #72648 05/12/10 02:12 AM Off-Topic
Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 169 Bristol, UK E enjfb OP Apprentice
OP enjfb Apprentice E Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 169 Bristol, UK	Hi Everyone, Here is a song I wrote called "Suspicious". http://www.box.net/shared/bhn48jz3cv The words are: Suspicious Verse 1 I came to you from far away I don't regret a single day Free love Stars above It's still the way I feel today You make me laugh and never cry You are all that money can't buy Red sky May fly We let no moment pass us by Chorus Why is there so much sadness A world so full of madness Why does the fighting continue Can love come to the rescue We are simply delicious We're not real but fictitious Day Dream Peaches n cream Oh it sounds too suspicious Verse 2 I came to you from far away I love you more than words can say Ring true Rock you It's been like a holiday You are my angel from above You give me strength with all your love Play along Swan song We fit together like hand in glove Chorus Verse 3 I make you laugh, you never cry I sing to you a tender lullabye Angel face Gentle grace For us on high a beautiful sky You give me such a loving smile You say our love has been so worthwhile Look ahead Enough said We have such a sense of style Chorus I would appreciate any comments you have Jim

Re: An original song - Suspicious enjfb #72649 05/13/10 10:28 AM Off-Topic
Joined: Dec 2003 Posts: 21,077 Hamlin NY MarioD Veteran
MarioD Veteran Joined: Dec 2003 Posts: 21,077 Hamlin NY	WOW, this is one great song. Your voice reminds me of Martin Mull. I really like the arrangement here. Super lounge music. Two thumbs up. This is a keeper. You know you're getting old when a recliner and a heating pad is your idea of a hot date! 64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware

Re: An original song - Suspicious MarioD #72650 05/13/10 05:14 PM Off-Topic
A Anonymous Unregistered
Anonymous Unregistered A	hello, the lyrics of the song is good, i really like it. the type of your song is just like the songs singing by michael buble.. You have a nice voice too! keep it up! thanks, voucher codes discount vouchers

Re: An original song - Suspicious #72651 05/14/10 12:52 AM Off-Topic
Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 169 Bristol, UK E enjfb OP Apprentice
OP enjfb Apprentice E Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 169 Bristol, UK	Hi Mario, Thank you for listening and pleased you liked it - your comments are much appreciated Jim

Re: An original song - Suspicious enjfb #72652 05/14/10 12:54 AM Off-Topic
Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 169 Bristol, UK E enjfb OP Apprentice
OP enjfb Apprentice E Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 169 Bristol, UK	Hi cutecub, Thanks for you very nice comments - much appreciated Best Regards Jim

Re: An original song - Suspicious enjfb #72653 05/14/10 02:58 PM Off-Topic
Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 18,991 Australia Noel96 Veteran
Noel96 Veteran Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 18,991 Australia	Hi Jim, Thanks for posting this one. The backing track is excellent and I really enjoyed listening to your piano playing: you're a very talented man! You definitely have a knack for writing catchy tunes. To my ears, this song sounded like a variation on the AABA form rather than Verse/Chorus form. (I'm a huge fan of AABA.) I have to confess that the chorus threw me. When I heard it, I thought, "Why is there sadness? I've just been hearing how terrific everything is, has been and (potentially) will be." Also, while the lyric writer in me gave a standing ovation to the rhymes "fictitious/delicious/suspicious", the critic in me couldn't understand how this verse fitted in to the overall. Maybe that's me, though. Have you tried whittling the lyrics down to a single theme or thought? AABA is exceptionally good at capturing a single moment in time or single idea. Overall, though, I enjoyed my journey through your song. Regards, Noel MY SONGS... Audiophile BIAB 2024 audios on Soundcloud

Re: An original song - Suspicious Noel96 #72654 05/15/10 02:43 AM Off-Topic
Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 169 Bristol, UK E enjfb OP Apprentice
OP enjfb Apprentice E Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 169 Bristol, UK	Hi Noel, Thanks for listening and your interesting comments Noel. For me the theme of the song is a glimpse at perfection from within a world of ugliness and conflict. The verses showing perfection while the chorus depicting reality. There is the hope that aiming for perfection in a more positive way could bring its rewards. It compares optimism with cynicism. The change of mood in the chorus brings surprise to the listener in the hope of encouraging debate. Well that was the aim when I wrote the song - lol. I like twists and turns in songs but I have written straight forward love songs in the past. I will post one later - I need to remix it a bit. Thanks again Noel and I am pleased that you enjoyed listening. Best regards Jim

Re: An original song - Suspicious enjfb #72655 05/15/10 05:36 AM Off-Topic
Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 18,991 Australia Noel96 Veteran
Noel96 Veteran Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 18,991 Australia	Hi Jim, Thanks for the explanation. I'm from the school of lyric writing where the chorus or refrain is the home base that all verses and bridge(s) run to. For me, verses usually "show" and choruses "tell" (or summarize). All the best, Noel MY SONGS... Audiophile BIAB 2024 audios on Soundcloud

Re: An original song - Suspicious Noel96 #72656 05/15/10 09:04 AM Off-Topic
Joined: Jul 2007 Posts: 996 France, but I'm an ex-pat Brit mglinert Expert
mglinert Expert Joined: Jul 2007 Posts: 996 France, but I'm an ex-pat Brit	I really enjoyed the overall vibe of the piece, and particularly the interplay between the electric piano and the acoustic piano. Perhaps the instrumental interlude at 1:20 is a touch long. I've given up trying to figure out your lyrics Jim, but I just go with them now. They sound fine! Well done, Marc Marc's SoundCloud Marc's YouTube

Re: An original song - Suspicious mglinert #72657 05/16/10 01:57 AM Off-Topic
Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 169 Bristol, UK E enjfb OP Apprentice
OP enjfb Apprentice E Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 169 Bristol, UK	Hi Marc, Thanks for listening and I am pleased you liked the song. Yes, I think 1:20 instrumental is a little long - self indulgence with the piano playing I think. I could reduce it to AB of the AABA form. Thanks again Jim

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