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This song was written almost entirely by dad, back in the 1970's. He's a retired California Highway Patrolman (CHP) and will be turning 82 years old in a couple of days. He wrote it as a tongue-in-cheek song for family and friends and recently asked me to update some words and phrases so it didn't still reference the 1970's so heavily. I tried to keep an old style country sound to it, and this is what I came up with:
Okie Smokey
https://soundcloud.com/user-722422510/okie-smokey

I left Oklahoma two years ago last fall.
I sold my farm near Tulsa disgusted with it all.
I hopped a freight train headed west and wound up in Reno.
Then I thumbed a ride to Roseville and on to Sacramento.

Where I saw this guy on TV lookin' for minorities.
I knew right then I qualified 'cause there ain't but one of me,
and after years out on the farm, this would be a life of ease,
so I went on down and joined up, now I'm workin' for the CHP.

Okie Smokey it's my new identity.
Okie Smokey, you know, my mama's proud of me.

Now, I like writin' tickets and wavin' at the kids.
and I like catchin' robbers and once I almost did
They pay me pretty good money and furnish most of my gear.
I’d give up half my paycheck if you could just see me here.

I don't care 'bout your drinkin' and I don't care if you smoke.
But Buddy if your drivin' don't mix nothin' with your Coke.
And the cigarette you're smokin' just better not smell funny.
'cause Buddy let me tell ya it ain't funny to the CHP.

Okie Smokey it's my new identity.
Okie Smokey, you know, my mama's proud of me.

I've got my favorite coffee shop where all I drink is free.
And anything I want to eat comes just half to me.
But the reason that I go there stands about 5 foot 2.
With big blue eyes and blond hair and I think that she likes me too.

Now I love Oklahoma, of that fact I'm quite bold,
but I can’t leave California ‘cause I’m all blue and gold.
I could have been a deputy, or city police,
but compared to what I’m doin’ that’s like playin’ in the minor leagues.

Okie Smokey it's my new identity.
Okie Smokey, you know, my mama's proud of me.
Oh, Okie Smokey it's my new identity.
Okie Smokey, you know, my mama's proud of me.

The Biab tracks are:

Drums: Maxwell Schauf, _RCKBLLY.STY
Bass: Dave Roe, _RCKBLLY.STY
Baritone and electric rhythm guitars: Brent Mason, _RCKBLLY.STY
Fiddle: Wanda Vick, _FIDSBJF.STY
Steel: I failed to make a note and forgot.

I kind of rushed this together so that I'd have it ready for his Birthday. It sounds rushed to me, but can't quite pin point what's wrong. If you decide to give 'er a listen, I'd be glad to hear your thoughts and ideas.

Brad

Hi everyone. I'm sorry for the mix up. I don't know what I did wrong the first time, but I found a work around and I think I've finally got the link working. Thanks to B.D. Thomas for letting me know the first wasn't working.

Hi Brad,

Good song and well sung with a catchy chorus.

Good work.

Best Regards
Nigel

Brad, this is a great song

You had me smiling all the way through this one

Good vocal, although like you said it is kind of rush, maybe to many words? But what do I know, I do instrumentals.

Loved those lyrics.

I'm sure that your dad will love it, I know that I did

Hi Brad ...

A good ole country song with a fun lyric. I lived in Bakersfield, CA for 6 years back in the 90s. My former wife's (deceased) family was originally from Pushmataha County, OK.

I think you fine-tuned the lyric real nice. Your voice and the backing tracks had that late 60s to middle 70s country sound. Nice one!

Alan

Brad

Good fun song, all sounds good to me.

Particularly like the chorus.

Peter

Sounds really Country and really catchy!

I think you chose the exact right style for this :-)

Rob

What a great story! Say happy birthday to your dad!

Excellent country tune. Loved the story in the lyrics. Super vocal and backing band. Well done Brad...

Brad,

Love the whole vibe on this one. I’ve always been impressed with your lyrics . . . now I get a sense of where you got your talent from. Dad did a great job with them—great work updating them. Really nice, catchy hook. From a production standpoint, it all sounds pretty good to me—no suggestions there. Good stuff!

All my best,

Deej

This is a great birthday gift for your Dad! We can almost see a Smokie pulling down his mirrored sunglasses and giving a wink at the end of the song.

There’s good imagery in the lyric and the band you assembled sounds great.

Your vocal sounds joyous and the bgv’s have a Sons of the Pioneers feel to them. Nice!

Enjoyed this!

J&B

PS regarding your request for suggestions ours would be to use a rhythm fiddle everywhere except for the solos or a fill. that would "open" up the mix a bit. Either a "sawing" or a "chop" rhythm fiddle would work ... we're prone to the chop.

Yeah, but somewhere in the process my original posting got lost...but I seem to remember that I liked the song and asked you to invite your dad to the forum because I think he would do fine here.
And that I didn't think that the song feels rushed and but I'd not be a country expert.

But maybe I remember wrong...

Brad,

I just like this song. It is fun.

Really made me smile and tap my toes.

What else is a song supposed to do??

Hi Brad.
Nice mix with the different instruments.
A bit of a tongue twister here and there so maybe worth cutting the line down or redoing.
Backing vocal can come up a tad to punch the "Okie Smokey" phrase.

Vic

Brad,
Fun story telling tune. Excellent vocals, arrangement and mix. Doesn't feel rushed at all. I am sure your dad will like it. Thank you for sharing.

Misha.

Brad...hey what a fun song....smartly written...you are a terrific storyteller for sure...love the track...you are really nailing the art of mixing a great country song...I agree wholeheartedly with the comments so far...I love the diversity in your writing...keep it up!

Hi Brad,

Very catchy composition. Pleasant orchestration. The banjo is excellent as well as the violin. Well done.

Kindly regard
Derochette
alais JaniJackFlash

That's a funny song.

I thought weed was legal in California but probably not while operating a motor vehicle.....

Nice work. There were a few places where the word phrasing was kind of awkward. Maybe work on rewriting and rewording a few of those places where the accents are in the wrong places.

I've known a few LEO's in my years and that's not a career path for the faint of heart.

Hi Brad
Cool Mix
Sounds great
Vocals once again TOP
Background track is excellent
Great work
Many greetings
Andi ;-)

Hey, thanks for giving it a listen Nigel. I appreciate it.

I'm glad it gave you a smile Mario. I have to give credit to my dad for the lyrics, he did the vast majority of the writing.

Thanks for the comment Al. We never lived in Bakersfield, but went through there a lot. Dad spent a lot of time there during the Haggard/Owens Etc. days. After he joined the CHP he used to get his uniforms from "Sabos" there is Bakersfield for years. I don't know if they're still there. A lot of my family hail from the Eufaula, Henryetta, and Sweet Water area of Oklahoma. Maybe we're distant cousins!?

Thanks for taking the time to listen and comment Peter, Rob, Chimble and Scott. That's awful nice of you.

Thank you for listening Deej and for the compliment. Coming from someone with your talent level it's very humbling.

Janice and Bud - that's a great idea. I wish I would have thought to put a chopping fiddle in, but never did. Maybe if I'd had your experience playing with Bluegrass bands. I think that would add a lot.

I passed on your invite to my dad B.D., we'll see ...

Thanks for listening David. I awoke this morning with the words of "Don't Blame Me" going through my head!

Thank you Vic for the listen and the critique - I'll take all the help I can get.

Thanks for the listen and encouragement Misha, Dan, and Derochette.

Thanks for the critique Guitarhacker. Yeah, weed pretty much is legal in California now - it's still a crime to be DUI with it though. Back in my dad's day, any amount was a felony.

Thanks for stopping by and the comment Project M.

When I forwarded this song to my Dad for his birthday I also forwarded a lot of your positive comments posted by all of you. He really got a kick out that, particularly since it was coming from such a variety of people from all over the world. - So thanks to all of you for helping me bring a smile to my dad on his 82nd birthday.

Brad