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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 169
Apprentice
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Apprentice
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 169 |
Hi Everyone, I wrote this song last year - real tracks backing plus CVP309 piano. http://www.box.net/shared/c47um3lozaThe words are: You wanna capture my face As I walk around Even if I'm on a wild goose chase You say it's only to make me secure Not because you think I'm some provocateur But oh I've got a mind of my own Chorus I see through your lies No need for any disguise I'm not swallowing my pride Don't take me for a ride Don't get in the way What more can I say You wanna store my profile Update it with time Even with an innocent life style You say security will be high Not admitting someone could be a spy But oh I've got a mind of my own Chorus Solo Chorus Please don't tell me what I should do With your marble voice I'll pay the price when the bill comes due I think I know what's right from wrong Don't stick your nose in where it doesn't belong But yes I've got a mind of my own Chorus Please don't tell me you'll listen more To what we think There's no use pretending anymore I think the control you try to impose Will fail as almost everyone knows But oh I've got a mind of my own Chorus Solo Chorus Hope you like it and any comments will be appreciated Jim
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Hi Jim, I admire you for being such a prolific song writer  The backing and musical arrangement of this song are first class! For me, it seemed long to listen to and I found that my mind started wandering after a while. Ultimately, though, the song only has to please you and if you are satisfied with it, that's all that matters. Keep on writing, Noel
MY SONGS...Audiophile BIAB 2026
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Apprentice
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Hi Noel
Thank you for listening and your comments - much appreciated. I think it is a little long - maybe too many choruses.
Jim
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Expert
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Expert
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 996 |
Well I'm a bit of a dissenting voice from Noel on this one. I really enjoyed it. I find Jim's carefully placed and pronounced vox make an interesting contrast against this blues-based tune.
And as to the length, well yes it could be cut a little but these is an organic effect at work too so overall I would leave it.
I enjoyed this one far more than some of your other recent stuff Jim.
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Journeyman
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Journeyman
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 516 |
Quote:
Hi Jim,
I admire you for being such a prolific song writer The backing and musical arrangement of this song are first class! For me, it seemed long to listen to and I found that my mind started wandering after a while. Ultimately, though, the song only has to please you and if you are satisfied with it, that's all that matters.
Keep on writing,
Noel
Hi Jim,
I have the same thoughts as Noel above.
But there's only one person who decides if the song is too long or not.
Cheers
Superbron
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Apprentice
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Apprentice
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Hi Marc,
Pleased you liked it Marc and thanks for listening - your comments are much appreciated.
Jim
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Apprentice
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Hi Superbron,
Thanks for listening and your comments - always appreciated.
Jim
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Joined: Dec 2003
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Jim, this is your best to date! Great lyrics and vocals!
I do agree that it is a little to long. You have the chorus repeating six times. Eliminating the choruses before to and after the first solo might work. Then either eliminate the chorus just prior to the second solo or eliminate the solo and the last chorus. Off course this is just my opinion and I do like it as is.
OK, a random thought;
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who's not buying it?
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
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Apprentice
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Apprentice
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Hi Mario,
Thank you for your kind comments and your suggestions on shortening the song I think makes good sense. Your comments much appreciated and thanks for listening.
Jim
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