Hi, Dermot.

I like the sound in general. You've got a nice voice, but the vocal sounds like it's been artificially doubled, so it's got this distracting phasing sound all throughout the song.

You didn't include the lyrics, so here's my best guess:

[VERSE 1]
It was on a Friday night that they met, downtown in the city
They fell in love
So they're married in New York in the springtime
And she looked so pretty
But as the years went by, their love began to die
So when the day arrived, she said goodbye

[CHORUS]
Something about the way she smiled, something about her
Just how could he doubt her
When she said goodbye he hung his head and cried

Ever since she went away, he tried to find her
Forever after, he always felt someday she might return

[VERSE 2]
She never got used to her new life out in the country
Her fondest dreams were out driving in the car with her friends
They loved to party
But he left her all alone
To be his very own
She smiled to hide the pain, as her tears were in vain

[REPEAT CHORUS]

[INSTRUMENTAL SOLO]

[VERSE 3]
She was longing to leave that old dark house way out in the country
City girl, she like Friday nights with friends in the heart, feeling so happy
Then at last the day arrived, when she felt that deep inside
She would have to go, but she'd hurt him so

[REPEAT CHORUS TO FADE]

You've got a knack for a pleasant melody, but it also feels like you're trying to cram way too many syllables into the lyric, and too much story into one short song.

For me, asking that trying to have the same chorus fit two different relationships the same person had was just asking too much. With all the pronouns, I wasn't even sure if you were telling the story of one person, or parallel stories of three different people.

But I'm just a guy on the internet, so what do I know? wink

Thanks for posting!

-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?