PG Music Home Forums General Discussion User Showcase Forlorn, about death and faith

Hello everyone,

I made in a song in 2019, but I wasn't so goo in mixing and that sort of stuff.
Then, a month ago I received a 'like' on this song, so i listened to it. Awful, too much reverb and other mistakes. So I did a remake, because I liked the melody and the topic.
But I changed it far more than just the reverb. I thought the lyrics weren't good enough, the song needed another key, another tempo and then the sax didn't fit in it anymore (much to my regret). So I used a guitar instead.

About the song: A loved one is dying beside me and I wrestled with the phenomenon of Faith. Always a difficult matter. Think of what happens now in Syria and Turkey. How does faith works overthere...?

I hope you recognize what I'm singing about, but anyway, let me know what you think of it.
The title Forlorn is how you feel, when this happens.
FORLORN https://on.soundcloud.com/uhfR7

Hans

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Forlorn
(c) HWBerkhout, april 2019 / changed 2023, jan.

V
Can I find words to make you feel at ease?
Is there a place that gives you peace?
I hear you whisper, so fragile and weak
And I tenderly kiss you on your cheek
V
Is there a song you love to hear?
And will it take away your fear?
I feel your sobbing for what you foresee
Life has no mercy, you'll soon leave me
Chorus
How come I have lost my faith?
Why couldn't Life make time wait?
Are we just tourists? We never stay
Only memories, you always say
V
Is there a time we will meet again?
I hope you smile if you see me then
But now I can't see you moving nor hear your voice
And I know it's all over, Life made his choice
C
Solo
B
When we buried you
down by that river
My dreams, my soul, so torn
Oh, I stood there, all forlorn...
C
Outro
Only memories...
You always say
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Technical stuff:

Style is _HOWCOME.STY (How Come Mountain Fiddle Folk)

RealTracks in style: 1825:Bass, Electric, PopModernGrooveHeld Ev16 075
RealTracks in song: 3156:Fiddle, 5-string, Rhythm AmericanaMountain16thsPizzAndy ev16 070
RealTracks in song: 3185:Guitar, Acoustic, Rhythm Mountain16thsQuinn Ev16 070
RealTracks in song: ~1676:Guitar, Acoustic, Fingerpicking CountryBrent Ev 065
RealTracks in song: 3113:Guitar, Nylon, Fingerpicking Folk16thsBrent Ev16 060
RealTracks in song: ~1638:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm JazzFunkBreezyMuted Ev16 075
RealDrums in style:NashTrainEv16^3-a:Brushes , b:Brushes 16th
1836 Guitar, Electric, Soloist PopModernGrooveGritty Ev16 075 (Bluesy)
Keyboard in Logic, glass keys

The mix sounds really good on your remake, along with the instrumentation. You found the right key. Your voice sounds good on this. Poignant lyrics. I particularly like the lyric "Are we just tourists? We never stay."

Good mix, interesting arrangement, good vocals. I like the "choral" sound.

The lead guitar sounded a bit "out" of the mix, otherwise the mix balance is good.

Nice write, too. I like this a lot!

Hans,

A thoughtful, powerful write.
Very well sung.
Excellent tracks. Cool sound.
The drop is really well done. Effective.
The chorus harmonies are well done.
Excellent mix.

A great re-do!

fj

Hans this is just fantastic.
"Are we just tourists? We never stay" What a great line!
Everything is just perfect in this one.
I'm glad I got to hear this rewrite.

You always surprise me Hans,
Your phrasing takes unexpected turns which is refreshing.
In this piece the phrasing of 2nd line in both verse & chorus uses the melody in a way I wouldn't have considered.
It works a treat - Vive la différence.
well done across the board.

Hans this is great.

Sounds like Leonard Cohen and Tom Waits and Hans got together for a Co-write!

And they wrote a masterpiece!



Great job.

Hans,

Wonderfully done. Very engaging vocal and I like the melody of this a lot. The fiddle is a nice touch on this—gives it depth and warmth. Good production choices throughout really—love the slow down on the bridge—makes the lyrics resonate all the more.. Sad, haunting write. Really good tune, Hans—well done!

All my best,

Deej

Really well done, Hans, really good writing, and of course I've always been a fan of your vocals.

Love the change at 3:10, very effective.

Nicely done!

Good idea to give the song another try.

No idea how it sounded before, but I definitely like this new version.

Hans, I like this alot. A subject that man has struggled with since we were here.
Anybody tell you that you sound a tad like Al Stewart? I got that vibe at the beginning.
Great job.

Hans, this is very well written. Your vocals deliver the message well. Good production and the drop works to perfection. Good one, Tom

Hi there, Ezekiel, David and Floyd,

Nice to read that you listened to this sad song and still stayed positive ;-)



Hi Ezekiel, I went through the whole alphabet of keys. I when I thought it could sound nice, I decided to try another key, even another tempo and the sadest thing was I had to change the sax for a lead guitar. But in the end I was satisfied with the result. And a bit sad singing that topic so much.
I heard or read a story years ago where that line about the tourists was used. Very different from how I used it in the song, but I liked it. It's just as it is!
The original version of Forlorn is also on my SoundCloud, but it's better you don't listen to that one...



Hi Dave, thanks for your comment and observations. The bg-singers were a mix of my vocals, Melodyne, a plugin called Howarsd Benson vocal multiplier and Waves Harmony. I used them on several tracks, thinking all the time it was al too much.Don't think I'll do this again, but it was alright here.
At first I was impressed with what you said about the lead guitar. I had shifted that track a bit to get that final slam just in time for the quiet part. I thought "how could you have noticed that"? Then I read your post again and saw you meant you didn't like that guitar overthere...
Well, me too at first. I had a sax, but that didn't fit with the changing of the tempo.



Hi Floyd, thanks for this nice compliment. It was based on a mix of real situations in that time. And, although I can speak very easily about all sorts of issues, I noticed in these situations my head was filled with all kinds of thoughts, but I couldn't say much. That is when I thought of writing a song about those feelings and things as 'faith'.


Thanks for listening and have a creative day!
Hans

Such a wonderful vocal. and it sits in a fine mix, Hans. I love that melody. Love this song!! I've helped a few people die over the years, and I often wonder (not where I'll go if anywhere, but) what song I'll be listening to. I'm going to request this one. You are the master of bringing dynamics to your songs, and this one is no exception. A terrific write, and excellent production, Hans.

Hi, Hans.
I like the song all through apart from the backing vocals in the chorus, to my ears they sound harsh and squeaky. Maybe try toning them down a little.

Good one.

Vic

Sure glad you posted this one again Hans, I'd never heard your first. Great topic for a song and you've done well at bringing forth all those conflicting thoughts that even those of faith can struggle with at times. It may have not been your intention, but your topic brought to my mind the biblical verses of Mark 9:24 (Lord, I believe; help my unbelief) and Philippians 4:7 (...the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.) I believe the song is touching for believers and non-believers alike, so it's great writing that reaches a vast amount of people. Nice production as well, nobody has mentioned it yet, but I love the way you dropped in those muted strings. Just barely noticeable, but they add a lot - I think. Great job,

Brad

Hans

A poignant song. Nice backing choices. (Don't love the guitar solo a nice acoustic one would be good).

Enjoyed the vocal and dynamics.

Well done.

Peter

Hi Mario, Ray and David,

Thanks a lot for listening and commenting on Forlorn.
And what comments... Very, very nice!



Mario, that is was I meant with my first line above. Thanks, even though it is a sad song.
That 'tourist line' you mentioned, I heard it before some years ago, not like I wrote it, but kind of. I liked it because it changes the perspective.
Glad you liked it too!



Ray, I was stupéfait (stunned) that I was able to surprise you!
Thanks for that. I looked at my lyrics again, after you wrote this. I saw nothing special, but then I saw what you meant.
Nice to notice how you read the lyrics!



David, well, you made my day. I showed your post to my sister in Australia, who is an enourmous fan of Leonard C. Not particularly of my songs, so now I could show her he and I were in a team, With Tom Waits. And it was not me saying that, but a famous man from my BiaB forum, you!!
Her reply came a bit like a cold shower though. She repeated she missed Leonard and might consider listening to my song. Haven't heard from her since...
But thanks anyway. You had done your best!

I hope you all have a creative moment these days
I will listen to it,
Hans

Hi Deej, Dave, BD and Bass Thumper,

You wrote very nice posts for this sad song, thanks for that.
And you know? I see a lot of us are re-writing or re-mixing their older songs. That's a nice development. Those songs are still worth to be heard, but back then we not always knew how, or this is the case if I speak for myself.
And the longer we are on this forum and learning from eachother, we try more, know more and... re-mix more! That's a nice thing :-)



Deej, I mentioned it before, but thanks again for these nice words!




Dave, I'm happy you are still a fan of my vocals. I do my best to keep it that way, but sometimes that is not easy. Thanks!



BD, the original song can be found on my SoundCloud page, but I will advise you not to listen to it.
Well probably the sax was nice in it, but nothing much more. ;-)



BT, Al Steward? Oh that sounds nice, but my wife does not agree with you on it. On the other hand she cannot link another famous name to my vocals, so I go for your choice. But actually I heard it 2 times before. Also on this forum. But I can't recall who it/they was/were. Maybe you? Janice and Bud called me John (Lennon) and my wife did not agree on that one too. So thanks for this!

Hope you're all enjoying a very nice day,
Hans

Hi Tommy, Marty, Vi, Brad and Peter,

Thanks for commenting on this song. i enjoyed what you wrote. Even though some had some complains about several things.
I think complains also work well for me. We are not on the forum to let you listen to the songs, but also what can be done better. That's what this forum is for. I know not everyone appreciates criticism, but I ask for it (if you dare... ;-))



Tommy, thanks for this post. The drop and perfection? Well, I like that a lot!



Marty, you are always very positive. Thanks a lot for your nice words! You want to request this one for your last day? It will be a very, very old song by then...



Vic, I listened to the bg-vocals and harshness or squeakyness, but my ears heard nothing of the kind. And no one else mentioned it too, even Ray didn't. Still I did some EQ-ing on the areas that can cause this, but haven't posted it yet. I had some people listen to it first (better ears...).



Brad, when I wrote and sang about faith, I had to think about you. I even changed the cover of the song a bit. At first I had a piece of paper with the word Faith under the shoes of the person watching the clock, but I changed it and let him hold it in his hand (still desperate).
You have a very nice reply with the kind of research I expected from you! Yes, I know there are verses in the bible about unbelief or losing faith, but not where to find them. And you know them just like that! I had to think of that subject too, when that terrible earthquake happened in Turkey and Syria. How would they think about their God now? Well, but this is not the place to discuss that. You mentioned the muted violin and I liked how you described that. Very nice of you!



Peter, thanks for your post and also that statement about the lead guitar. In the original version I had a solo from a sax in it. I liked that a lot, but when I changed the song a bit and also the tempo (Bpm) that sax didn't fit anymore. Then I tried something acoustic, but I didn't like it.
And I wanted to achieve some kind of assent to that climax just before the drop. Like how emotions work, they can go wild, because of frustration and so on. That sax also did that.
Still I did change the electric guitar for (a handful) of acoustics yesterday. So I listened to what you wrote(!) But they all made the song became too dull.
So, sorry...


I hope you have a nice weekend,
Hans