Hi Jim,

This one sounded a little different from what I have come to anticipate from your treasure chest of musical creations. I like the direction that your production has taken. As I said once before, you sure are prolific at putting out songs. The chorus on this song appeals to me; it works. You sounded really comfortable singing it, too.

I notice that these lyrics are pretty much rhyming couplets pumping out three strong beats per line (from a poetic perspective, I interpret the meter as iambic trimeter). There's nothing wrong with that but it made me wonder if you have you tried varying line length throughout a song? For example, have a verse that mixes lines/phrases with (say) 3 strong beats and 4 strong beats, and possibly even 5 strong beats. Then in the chorus, have lines that are 2 strong beats. I have found that this simple tool can add a whole new power and emotion to lyrics. Here's a link to some thoughts that Pat Pattison has put together on the topic. He explains what I'm trying to say much more clearly.

http://www.patpattison.com/structureexpectations2/

Also, if you're interested, Pat Pattison has written a book especially about lyric movement. I have found it an invaluable asset in my library. I've read it four times and I've done every one of the exercises. I'm presently re-reading this book yet again. The book is called, "Songwriting: Essential Guide to Lyric Form and Structure". It's easily available through Amazon.com.

Overall, though, I've got to say that I admire your creativity, Jim

All the best,
Noel

Last edited by Noel96; 06/16/10 01:00 AM.
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