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Hey, all: Well, here’s something new . . . Carroll Kiphen wrote these lyrics about two years ago. I saw them on another website—really liked them—and did a quick acoustic work tape . . . sans a bridge, which I couldn’t come up with at the time. And then . . . it sat . . . and sat . . . and I’m not sure why. The work tape popped up on my phone couple of weeks ago and I decided to take another dive into it. For better or worse, this is what I’ve come up with. I’m not sure the production is where it needs to be . . . but I’ve taken it as far as I can go for now. I’m hoping some fresh and friendly ears will help steer me in the right direction. Hope you enjoy the listen . . . thanks in advance for the feedback. Stay well, all! Deej Here’s the song:SOS Here are the lyrics:Solitude is a ghost town Of haunted nights and dreams Of endless persecution From my conscience judging me Ranting like a madman Unbridled in his rage I’m a captive audience Locked in my own cage Throw me a rope I think I’m drowning Can you hear my SOS Can you give me absolution If I kneel down and confess Throw me a rope I’m drowning Can you hear my SOS Solitude is a ghost town Of all that could have been Of letters filled with love That I wrote but never sent Brooding like a poet Struggling with his soul I lie here in my coffin While the dirt fills up the hole I grip the bars and shake them They rattle but barely budge Is it my eternal damnation To be the sinner and the judge And here’s the band:RealTracks 909: Bass, Electric, SmoothPoppy Ev16 090 RealTracks 801: Guitar, Electric, Rhythm SouthernSnappyGritty RealTracks 3267: Cello, Background CelticAirFlowingNatalie RealTracks 3299: Guitar, Electric, Rhythm HardRockThrash12-key RealTracks 3302: Guitar, Electric, Rhythm HardRockThrashHollow12-key RealTracks 4137: Guitar, Electric, Soloist ProgRockTO Ev 130 RealDrums: AltRockSlowSteady8ths^4
Last edited by Deej56; 06/01/23 05:25 PM.
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That's a cool one Deej,
I suggest you EQ the guitar that comes in for the chorus a little differently from the one on the right...subtractive rather than adding more...they seem to occupy the same freq ground.
I'd pull the solo down so that it's a match for your vocal before it comes in.
I'd also be inclined to add some grit to the bass in the choruses.
Very cool song, terrific vocal too.
Cheers
rayc
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Hi Deej ...
Those are some cool lyrics Carroll wrote! And your interpretation is spot on! As Ray said, a cool song!
Just a couple of things, for what they're worth:
1. The lead guitar is a bit too loud, in my opinion.
2. The short cello break closer to the beginning could a little louder.
Those are simply opinions - ignore if they don't work for you.
All that said, I truly enjoyed the song. Your music always sits nicely in my ears.
Terrific work!
Alan
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Dark, gritty, brooding ... excellent. If you want a quibble ... here's one: the arrangement texture seems, at least to my ears, to be too similar, throughout ... you may, perhaps, want to pare it down a little at the beginning, so that it really strikes in the end section, when you go up in register with your voice. But this is based on a first listen, so I may be talking nonsense  I'll listen again, and amend my feedback if I change my mind! Otherwise, an excellent song.
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Cool stuff. I wasn't listening to the nits. What caught my attention was how similar it sounds to the chorus of Angel from Montgomery.
Great job on this.
You can find my music at: www.herbhartley.comAdd nothing that adds nothing to the music. You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both. The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.
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Deej,
What a cool song... Great lyrics and I like the production a lot.
Your vocal though always blows me away. You are one hell of a singer!
Bob
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Cool song, Deej. Man, I really really enjoy this whole thread. As soon as I read Ray's comments, I thought, Yeah, perfect. It kept going with some outstanding suggestions. I love the songs on this forum and the various styles, but the support from others is outstanding. Good advice here and very giving advisors.
Sorry, that was just an aside cuz I was bubbling over with gratitude. Now, on to the song. I agree with many of the suggestions, especially bringing the solo in volume-line with the vocal. For me it's difficult (prolly impossible) to write a song from lyrics --especially someone else's. You chose an outstanding poem. Carroll Kiphen is very talented. And it is a really good song.
I'd say make the various parts more distinctly different with your mix by adding some dynamic changes (not chord changes, but instrument and/or volume changes) in the arrangement. They're already there; just make them more pronounced or something. HAHA! Yeah, right? For most people that would be like telling a pitcher to just use his other arm if he gets tired. But you'll come up with the perfect solution (if it's actually even necessary).
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I enjoyed the lyrics, "Solitude is a ghost town" great line to start and what follows is memorable description of conscience as the judge. The lyrics are turned into another nice rock anthem with catchy sing-a-long chorus.
Very good mix, drums sound powerful and guitars work together very well. Maybe the cello panning distracts little, I was wondering could it be more in the middle or doubled on the other side but I guess those would make the mix more fuzzy.
And of course, the vocal performance is solid and captivating as always.
Janne
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Good song good mix great vocal performance. Use of real tracks they fit the style perfectly.
Especially like the strings and the cellos in the mix.
Excellent lyrics Great all around job
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Deej, this is a fantastic song.
I agree that the lead guitar is a tad to loud so if you get that guitarist under control the song will be perfect IMHO. That was the only nitpick that I would change. YMMV
Great vocal and lyrics.
Super backing tracks.
It takes courage for a man to admit his wife was wrong.
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Deej,
I've heard a BUNCH of good openings lately. This is another.
Excellent BAND. A good BIG cohesive sound.
Excellent vocals.
Good mix.
fj
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Deej...another super song...lyrically stark and gripping...your voice captures the angst and desperation so well...I love the track but I'm not crazy about the solo for some reason...the style is really you and show off your gifts as a writer, arranger and vocalist.
www.soundclick.com/firesongBiaB 2024, Steinberg Cubase Pro 13, Wavelab 11.2, SpetraLayers Pro 10, Audacity, Steinberg UR44 Interface, Yamaha Genos, Roland FP60 and FP10, Windows 10 You are who you are because you do what you do because of what you believe.
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Pretty cool song with pretty cool lyrics, I like that.
I don't think the guitar solo really fits the song, either sonically or contextually.
Since it comes right before the last chorus, I would replace it with a sung bridge.
But I like it already as it is now, especially your vocals are really good.
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Ray, Alan, James, Herb, Bob, Marty, Janne, Elliott, Mario, Floyd, Dan and B.D.:
First, thanks to all of you above who have listened to the song and provided feedback—I’m so appreciative of how great a forum this is . . . and I’m thankful for the advice of so many outstanding writers, players and arrangers.
Lots of terrific suggestions here . . . which is what I was hoping for. I’ve tried to address many of them, and I’m hopeful it’s a better mix because of it. In the end, though, I’m still an amateur, and I’ll never get it to pop as it should, or at least the way I would like . . . but your guidance gets me a step closer.
A remix of the song is linked above. As for the specific changes, they are addressed below in response to the comments:
3rd Electric, panned right (Ray): I went back in and tried to do exactly what I think Ray has suggested. To my ears, this allowed me to raise the volume of that guitar without making it sound muddy . . . but don’t know. I think it’s better, but will trust you will let me know if otherwise.
Bass (Ray): I upped the volume of the bass guitar in the choruses and the bridge.
Cello (Alan, Janne): I’ve adjusted the volume where I think Alan was referring. Hopefully better. I’ve move the Cello more to center (per Janne), which was where it was originally but somewhere along the line I panned it left. Also hopefully better.
The Arrangement (James, Marty ): I’m hoping some of the changes above will address this a bit. My intent was to have the breaks with the cello serve as the change up (where things quieted down), to be accentuated by the chorus, which should have popped. Perhaps the changes I have made will better serve this intent. That said, I’m not inclined to add anything more instrumentally wise . . . I already cut two guitar tracks to diminish the muddiness, and my fear is adding more will be a detriment. My thought is that if the chorus pops as it should, that should address this . . . whether it does is another question.
Lead Guitar (Ray, Alan, Mario, Dan, and B.D): First off, I’ve lowered the volume, so hopefully to it sits better in the mix now. Please let me know if I need to do more.
Dan and BD: I’m not surprised by your comments about the solo not fitting the tune. Initially, I thought the same . . . and in the beginning it served as just a placeholder. I intended to do a lot more work on the solo and search for alternatives. But a funny thing happened along the way . . it grew on me . . . and so I wanted to see how folks would react to it before changing it out. I’m actually still OK with it as is—though I should be less lazy and at least re-generate the track to comb though possible alternatives . . . just haven’t gotten there yet.
Thanks again all for the comments. Hope you are all safe and well.
Deej
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So DJ,
I'm interested in how this relationship with Carroll Kiphen worked.
Did you connect with him on LinkedIn or Facebook and discuss using one of his lyrics and did you guys become official collaborators on this song by that conversation?
I just took a look and saw that he has stuff on LinkedIn and elsewhere that he's looking for collaborators and I was just wondering how he works with people and what the process is.
Like, did you guys sign off on anything?
The only thing I might add if you are attempting another version of it later is to try and do a live performance standing in front of a microphone with a Telecaster hanging around your neck.
This is the type of song where there has to be a very intimate, struggling, even painful connection between the artist, the instrument, the lyrics and the microphone in order for it to come off sounding "real."
When the chorus kicks in you have to be gunslinging that Tele like your life depended on it.
In this manner of production it sounds a little too much like the singer is forcing some type of emotion against a backing track, whereas for this type of genre and lyric there needs to be an amped up fusion between the "alive"/living/crafted performance and the lyrics to become ultimately convincing, I think.
Just a thought. I am only one listener. The mix sounds fine for a certain genre but I think a few live tracks could wrestle more from it and make it sound less "backing track-y".
Nice job.
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Hey, David S:
Great question and happy to shed some light on how I work with Carroll and other lyricists, like John Vaughan (who I’ve done a fair number of songs with as well). It’s pretty much the same regardless of who I work with . . . which is to say there’s a fair bit of back and forth before I post anything.
Carroll, like John Vaughan, is strictly a lyricist. I first “met” Carroll through another website, liking a lyric and then reaching out to him to see if he was receptive to my putting it to music. Since then he occasionally emails me lyrics, but sometimes I still stumble across others that he posts. SOS was an example of the latter.
Carroll is fairly prolific and writes more lyrics in a month than I probably write in a year (or two)! And so he's always looking for folks to put his lyrics to music and he has collaborated with a lot of other artist over the years I've known him. My hit rate is pretty low in terms of how often I can actually do something with any lyric that’s sent to me.
The process starts with me putting together a quick and dirty work tape to give Carroll and idea of what I’m thinking--usually just an acoustic guitar/vocal take recorded on my iPhone. I am not an accomplished guitar player—pretty much just an intermediate one . . . so it’s nothing to rave about, but sufficient, I hope, to give Carroll a feel for what I’m shooting for (genre, melody, e.g.).
If we move forward, I share versions of the BIAB song as it develops and ask for any feedback or suggestions. Sometimes, changes to the lyrics are warranted to fit the melody or chord changes, and these are run by my collaborator as well. Obviously, I share final copies (MP3 and WAV) of the songs when complete (which is usually after I receive feedback from this board and make further tweaks). I obtain permission before posting any final version to any streaming service (e.g., Spotify, YouTube, etc.)
As for your comments on my BAIB version of SOS, I totally agree and wish I was a better musician so I could do just that. It would be great if this had a more “live” feel to it. But there’s a reason I use BIAB . . . I simply don’t have the guitar chops/talent to do it myself. And I’m not a performer. My hope is simply to make something that’s respectably listenable and that embodies to some extent what I’d like it to sound like.
And maybe a real artist out there will stumble upon it (much like I stumbled upon Carroll’s lyric) and want to do something far more excellent with it.
Totally appreciate the comment, David. Hope the above regarding the collaboration process was helpful. Thanks much!
Hope all is well in your world,
Deej
Last edited by Deej56; 06/04/23 04:09 AM.
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Hi DJ
Cool rock song
Sounds very good and is also great implemented with BiaB
Your voice also fits very well
The only thing I would change would be the drums. It sounds a little too electronic. But that's just my opinion ;-)))
Great work
Many greetings
Andi ;-)
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Deej
I think it sounds really good now - the guitar solo is at a good level and the mix sounds fine.
Really good song and as usual very well sung.
Nicely done.
Peter
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We didn’t hear it before the changes but we sure like it as is.
We can see why you chose this lyric to develop and imagine Carroll is happy with your resulting song.
Your vocal and the gritty rhythm well support the dark lyric.
All sounds fine to us on the monitors.
Well done!
J&B
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Deej & Carroll
Powerful stuff. Excellent lyrics and your vocals done justice. I am not sure if I am hearing "adjusted" version or not, but it sounds great and wholesome. Enjoyed it and thank you for sharing.
Misha.
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Ask sales and support questions about Band-in-a-Box using natural language.
ChatPG's knowledge base includes the full Band-in-a-Box User Manual and sales information from the website.
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We've just released XPro Styles PAK 10 for Mac & Windows Band-in-a-Box version 2025 (and higher) with 100 brand new RealStyles, plus 28 RealTracks and RealDrums!
Few things are certain in life: death, taxes, and a brand spankin’ new XPro Styles PAK! In this, the 10th edition of our XPro Styles PAK series, we’ve got 100 styles coming your way! We have the classic 25 styles each from the rock & pop, jazz, and country genres, and rounding out this volume's wildcard slot is 25 styles in the Praise & Worship genre! A wide spanning genre, you can find everything from rock, folk, country, and more underneath its umbrella. The included 28 RealTracks and RealDrums can be used with any Band-in-a-Box® 2026 (and higher) package.
Here’s just a small sampling of what you can look forward to in XPro Styles PAK 10: Soft indie folk worship songs, bumpin’ country boogies, gospel praise breaks, hard rockin’ pop, funky disco grooves, smooth Latin jazz pop, bossa nova fusion, western swing, alternative hip-hop, cool country funk, and much more!
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XPro Styles PAKs require Band-in-a-Box® 2025 or higher and are compatible with ANY package, including the Pro, MegaPAK, UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, and Audiophile Edition.
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We're excited to bring you our latest Xtra Styles PAK installment—the all new Xtra Styles PAK 21 for Band-in-a-Box version 2025 (and higher)!
Rejoice, one and all, for Xtra Styles PAK 21 for Band-in-a-Box® is here! We’re serving up 200 brand spankin’ new styles to delight your musical taste buds! The first three courses are the classics you’ve come to know and love, including offerings from the rock & pop, jazz, and country genres, but, not to be outdone, this year’s fourth course is bro country! A wide ranging genre, you can find everything from hip-hop, uptempo outlaw country, hard hitting rock, funk, and even electronica, all with that familiar bro country flair. The dinner bell has been rung, pickup up Xtra Styles PAK 21 today!
In this PAK you’ll discover: Energetic folk rock, raucous train beats, fast country boogies, acid jazz grooves, laid-back funky jams, a bevy of breezy jazz waltzes, calm electro funk, indie synth pop, industrial synth metal, and more bro country than could possibly fit in the back of a pickup truck!
Special offers until December 31st, 2025!
All the Xtra Styles PAKs 1 - 21 are on special for only $29 each (reg $49), or get all 21 PAKs for $199 (reg $399)! Order now!
Learn more and listen to demos of the Xtra Styles PAK 21.
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Note: The Xtra Styles require the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition of Band-in-a-Box®. (Xtra Styles PAK 21 requires the 2025 or higher UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition. They will not work with the Pro or MegaPAK version because they need the RealTracks from the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition.
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Along with version 2026, we've released an incredible lineup of new content! There's 202 new RealTracks, brand-new RealStyles, MIDI SuperTracks, Instrumental Studies, “Songs with Vocals” Artist Performance Sets, Playable RealTracks Set 5, two new RealDrums Stems sets, XPro Styles PAK 10, Xtra Styles PAK 21, and much more!
Special Offers
Upgrade to Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Windows and save up to 50% on most upgrade packages during our special offer—available until December 31, 2025. Visit our Band-in-a-Box® packages page to explore all available upgrade options.
2026 Free Bonus PAK & 49-PAK Add-ons
Our Free Bonus PAK and 49-PAK are loaded with amazing add-ons! The Free Bonus PAK is included with most Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Windows packages, but you can unlock even more—including 20 unreleased RealTracks—by upgrading to the 2026 49-PAK for just $49. Browse the full contents of each package and listen to demos here.
XPro and Xtra Styles PAKs Special Extended Until August 31st!
XPro & Xtra Styles PAKs Special Extended Until August 31st!
The XPro Styles PAKs and Xtra Styles PAKs special offers are now available until August 31st at 11:59pm PDT!
Ready to take your Band-in-a-Box® 2025 experience to the next level? Now’s the perfect time! Expand your style library with XPro and Xtra Styles PAKs—packed with a wide variety of genres to inspire your next musical creation.
What are XPro Styles and Xtra Styles PAKs?
XPro Styles PAKs are styles that work with any version (Pro, MegaPAK, UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition) of Band-in-a-Box® 2025 (or higher). XPro Styles PAKS 1-9 includes 900 styles!
Xtra Styles PAKs are styles that work with the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition of Band-in-a-Box® 2025 (or higher). With over 3,500 styles (and 35 MIDI styles) included in Xtra Styles PAKs 1-20, the possibilities are endless!
Get the XPro Styles PAKs 1 - 9 for only $29 ea (Reg. $49 ea), or get them all in the XPro Styles PAK Bundle for only $149 (reg. $299)! Listen to demos and order now! For Windows or for Mac.
Note: XPro Styles PAKs require Band-in-a-Box® 2025 or higher and are compatible with ANY package, including the Pro, MegaPAK, UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, and Audiophile Edition.
Get Xtra Styles PAKs 1 - 20 are on special for only $29 each (reg $49), or get all 19 PAKs for $199 (reg $399)! Listen to demos and order now! For Windows or for Mac.
Note: The Xtra Styles require the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition of Band-in-a-Box®. (Xtra Styles PAK 19 requires the 2025 or higher UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition. They will not work with the Pro or MegaPAK version because they need the RealTracks from the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition.
Don’t miss this chance to supercharge your Band-in-a-Box setup—at a great price!
Mac 2025 Special Upgrade Offers Extended Until August 15th!
It's not too late to upgrade to Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Mac® and save! We've extended our special until August 15, 2025!
We've added many major new features to Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Mac®, including advanced AI tools like the amazing BB Stem Splitter and AI Lyrics Generator, as well as VST3 plugin support, and Equalize Temp. Plus, there’s a new one-stop MIDI Patches Picker with over 1,100 MIDI patches to choose from, all neatly categorized by GM numbers. The MultiPicker Library is enhanced with tabs for the SongPicker, MIDI Patch Picker, Chord Builder, AI Lyrics Generator, and Song Titles Browser, and the tabs are organized into logical groups. The Audiophile Edition is enhanced with FLAC files , which are 60% smaller than AIFF files while maintaining identical audio quality, and now ships on a fast 1TB SSD, and much more!
Check out all the new features in Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Mac® here:
Purchase your Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Mac during our special to save up to 50% off your upgrade purchase and receive a FREE BONUS PAK of amazing new Add-ons. These include the 2025 RealCombos Booster PAK, Look Ma! More MIDI 13: Country & Americana, Instrumental Studies Set 22: 2-Hand Piano Soloing - Rhythm Changes, MIDI SuperTracks Set 44: Jazz Piano, Artist Performance Set 17: Songs with Vocals 7, Playable RealTracks Set 4, RealDrums Stems Set 7: Jazz with Mike Clark, and more!
Upgrade to the 2025 49-PAK for just $49 and add 20 Bonus Unreleased RealTracks and 20 RealStyles, FLAC Files for the 20 Bonus Unreleased RealTracks, Look Ma! More MIDI 14: SynthMaster, MIDI SuperTracks Set 45: More SynthMaster, Artist Performance Set 18: Songs with Vocals 8, and RealDrums Stems Set 8: Pop, Funk & More with Jerry Roe.
Learn more about the Bonus PAKs!
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