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#770795 07/10/23 01:32 PM
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A Summer's Day

I am not satisfied yet with this track, so I am going to set this aside and come back to it in a few weeks.. The summer month's wreak havoc on my voice because of allergies. I messed with the effects to make the singing sound passable. Some things I am thinking about changing are as follows:
- Rerecord vocal.
- Lower key a semitone
- Do something with last note of the bridge. It doesn't seem to transition well.
- Add BGVs. I had some, but I didn't like them, so I'll give it another shot.

You may noticed that I borrowed from Willy S. on the second line of the second verse, but I gave the line a different shade of meaning in the context of the song.

The Wrecking Crew:
2877 Bass, Acoustic, AmericanaSlow
3101 Piano, ElectricVintage, Rhythm
362 Guitar, Acoustic, Strumming
1543 Synth Pad, PopBelieve
2457 Strings, Rhythm CelticAir
3152 Fiddle, 5-string, Background AmericanaFolk
NI Vintage Guitar
NI Sunburst Guitar
DOD Drum Loops


You are a summer’s day
You melt my winter thoughts away
There’s another tree to climb
Let’s go for a swim one last time

I can't disregard you
I can't remove you from my mind
When a man has loved a woman
He can’t leave those years behind
The sky keeps spinning rainclouds
Stars still kiss the sea
My heart doesn't recognize time
When you are here with me

You are a summer’s day
Summer’s lease is much too short a stay
The breeze blows through the drifting sand
A simple pleasure: The touch of your hand

I can't disregard you
I can't remove you from my mind
When a man has loved a woman
He can’t leave those years behind
The sky keeps spinning rainclouds
Stars still kiss the sea
My heart doesn't recognize time
When you are here with me

I feel the sunrise in your smile
Keep shining your light.
Keep shining your light.

You are a summer’s day
You melt my winter thoughts away

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This isn't as bad as you said it was!

Good vocal and great lyrics.

I really liked the chord progression and instrumentation. Around the 2:30 mark you do have some distortion so you may want to check that out.

"- Rerecord vocal.
- Lower key a semitone
- Do something with last note of the bridge. It doesn't seem to transition well."

I think doing all three might help the song but it isn't that bad as it sits right now.


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Scott,

I like this song a lot. Very original and has a great melody.

I think your vocal is excellent. You have such a unique sound and it is on full display here.

Great to hear something new from you - I really enjoyed this.

Bob

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Nice song, with some nice lyrics.

Thanks for posting, even if it's a bit rough. You've got plenty ideas of what to do, and certainly don't need to add to them. smile


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?
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Hi Scott.
You could try singing a G note on "light" and using a D note in lower db harmony vocal there.
Maybe also a high harmony in the chorus. Other than that it sounds fine.

Vic

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After mentioning how much I love the vocal, I must say these unusual changes you've created are very cool. Love the vocal; changes are cool. Embrace you allergy voice, Scott. Write to it in fact. It's far better than many of us when we are at our best. Netflix has a great documentary on The Wrecking Crew. Like this gem, it's fun stuff.


Enjoy whatever happens!
marty

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Good choice of tracks. Simple, effective.
And very well mixed.
The vocals are GOOD.
I like the write. Interesting. Many effective images/phrases...
There are a few spots where the lyric is "a bit bumpy (prosody-wise). Easy fixes (opinions - so ignore them freely)...
Chorus, line 2 - replace "I can't" with "Or"
2nd verse - dropping "The" from "breeze" and "A" from "simple pleasure" would make those sing smoother without any change in meaning or emphasis.
Regardless, it is a very interesting write...


fj

MarioD #770891 07/11/23 12:50 PM
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Originally Posted By: MarioD
This isn't as bad as you said it was!

Good vocal and great lyrics.

I really liked the chord progression and instrumentation. Around the 2:30 mark you do have some distortion so you may want to check that out.

"- Rerecord vocal.
- Lower key a semitone
- Do something with last note of the bridge. It doesn't seem to transition well."

I think doing all three might help the song but it isn't that bad as it sits right now.


Thanks, Mario. I think that distortion is from me trying to fix the vocal. It'll disappear when I rerecord.

rsdean #770892 07/11/23 12:51 PM
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Originally Posted By: rsdean
Scott,

I like this song a lot. Very original and has a great melody.

I think your vocal is excellent. You have such a unique sound and it is on full display here.

Great to hear something new from you - I really enjoyed this.

Bob


Thanks, Bob. I appreciate it.

dcuny #770893 07/11/23 12:52 PM
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Originally Posted By: dcuny
Nice song, with some nice lyrics.

Thanks for posting, even if it's a bit rough. You've got plenty ideas of what to do, and certainly don't need to add to them. smile


Thanks for the listen, David.

Last edited by Ezekiel's Storm; 07/11/23 12:52 PM.
vicarn #770894 07/11/23 12:53 PM
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Originally Posted By: vicarn
Hi Scott.
You could try singing a G note on "light" and using a D note in lower db harmony vocal there.
Maybe also a high harmony in the chorus. Other than that it sounds fine.

Vic


Thanks, Vic. I think that should do the trick. I tried it out on my piano and it sounds better.

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Originally Posted By: BabuMusic
After mentioning how much I love the vocal, I must say these unusual changes you've created are very cool. Love the vocal; changes are cool. Embrace you allergy voice, Scott. Write to it in fact. It's far better than many of us when we are at our best. Netflix has a great documentary on The Wrecking Crew. Like this gem, it's fun stuff.


Thanks, Marty. I've watched that documentary a few times. It's hard to imagine how many of our favorite songs they are playing on.

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Originally Posted By: floyd jane
Good choice of tracks. Simple, effective.
And very well mixed.
The vocals are GOOD.
I like the write. Interesting. Many effective images/phrases...
There are a few spots where the lyric is "a bit bumpy (prosody-wise). Easy fixes (opinions - so ignore them freely)...
Chorus, line 2 - replace "I can't" with "Or"
2nd verse - dropping "The" from "breeze" and "A" from "simple pleasure" would make those sing smoother without any change in meaning or emphasis.
Regardless, it is a very interesting write...


fj


Thanks, Floyd. Excellent suggestions that I will use.

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Scott...if this is in progress then you will be refining an already very good song...I always appreciate your vocals...they have a Neil Diamond-esque quality IMHO...BGV's might enhance the chorus and a few lines...always love your stuff!!


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Scott

Sounding good to me - nice melody well written song.

Look forward to hearing the finished product.

Peter

firesong #771038 07/13/23 12:44 PM
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Originally Posted By: firesong
Scott...if this is in progress then you will be refining an already very good song...I always appreciate your vocals...they have a Neil Diamond-esque quality IMHO...BGV's might enhance the chorus and a few lines...always love your stuff!!
Originally Posted By: firesong
Scott...if this is in progress then you will be refining an already very good song...I always appreciate your vocals...they have a Neil Diamond-esque quality IMHO...BGV's might enhance the chorus and a few lines...always love your stuff!!


Thanks for the kind assessment, Dan.

PeterF #771039 07/13/23 12:45 PM
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Originally Posted By: PeterF
Scott

Sounding good to me - nice melody well written song.

Look forward to hearing the finished product.

Peter


Thanks, Peter. I will try to revisit this in August before I go back to work.

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I can't detect any allergies at work and think your vocals are great.
And the chord progression is quite pleasing.
Nice work.


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Hi Scott ...

This isn't even one-tenth as bad as you want us to think it is. I don't find much of anything to complain about. My only complaint is I didn't write it!

Vocals sound pretty decent to me. And the band does some mighty fine backup for you. I enjoyed it very much as you've posted it.

Take care.

Alan


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Scott,
it's cool...it's breezy musically.
Personally the man/woman stuff could be neutralized. No big reason - it's just that man/woman sounds a little clunky to me.
If your voice is struggling then you hide it very well.
Some great suggestions above and when Floyd chimes in with prosody you know he has something to say that's on the money.


Cheers
rayc
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