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Journeyman
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OP
Journeyman
Joined: Jun 2020
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Here's a novelty song about deer hunting I recently wrote and would appreciate constructive criticism on regarding lyrics and production. Sorry, vocal performance is limited to me (I'm cheap) so any suggestions here will fall on deaf ears. I will post the BIAB info when I get back into my studio. Thanks for taking the time to give me your honest thoughts. Oh Deer (SoundCloud Link - click here)
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Ha, I love the lyrics, Dewey. Not sure how the deer would feel about the cleverness. really cool melody to go with them. I especially like how you tie the bridge in with the rest of the song. Hey, I know you don't want to hear this, but I think the vocal was perfect --the right amount of predatory feeling sung with tongue in cheek.
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Cool song. I like the idea. Since you're a songwriter .... I'll say this......
Some of the lines are about a girl, others are about grilling some venison.... the only issue I see is the continuity or disconnect, between the two different things.
It's not quite to the "man that was brilliant" stage. It's at the great idea, now lets get it polished up stage.
In the first verse you pretty much set the scene, but that chorus and second verse.... kinda like Hannibal Lector plays country music.... It was kinda creepy sounding..... maybe that's just me seeing it the wrong way but, hey... it put a smile on my face but I'm known for some dry, sick humor at times.
Good tune, I just think it needs more work....
You can find my music at: www.herbhartley.comAdd nothing that adds nothing to the music. You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both. The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.
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It's a good lyric but I agree about the girls and grilling meat association.
Almost there with this one.
Vic
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Dewey,
Man you are a heck of a songwriter! Every tune you post is always high quality work with a catchy and memorable chorus! Love the acoustic driven backing you chose! Great vocals!
Thanks, TB
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Journeyman
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Ha, I love the lyrics, Dewey. Not sure how the deer would feel about the cleverness. Thanks Marty Some of the lines are about a girl, others are about grilling some venison.... the only issue I see is the continuity or disconnect, between the two different things.
Good tune, I just think it needs more work.... Thanks Herb! My intent was to make it sound like a love song but, twisted from guy-gal to hunter-deer. I'll for sure review line by line to make sure it's clear that he is all along talking about hunting a big buck and not sweet on a gal. Na zdrowie! It's a good lyric but I agree about the girls and grilling meat association.
Vic Vic, I appreciate your feedback as well! Dewey,
Man you are a heck of a songwriter! Every tune you post is always high quality work with a catchy and memorable chorus! Love the acoustic driven backing you chose! Great vocals!
Thanks, TB You are too kind, Torrey! Good stuff to encourage me...bad stuff for inflating my ego!! LOL
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My intent was to make it sound like a love song but, twisted from guy-gal to hunter-deer.
And you did a fine job of that. Obvious enough in a moment. Nice production and sung well. Good mix. The chorus has some good "catchy" to it. The melody is "almost too good", belying the novelty aspect. A more rudimentary basic-3-chord Country melody might give it more of a novelty feel, but that is just an off-the-cuff comment. (it is a very nice melody) It's fun and well done. fj
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Fun song, great lyric. HAHAHA
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Hi Dewey ...
Liked it a lot! Nothing wrong with the vocal. I'm not a hunter (grew up in St. Louis - they frown on hunting within the city limits and suburbs), but most of my family are outdoorsmen. Good metaphors throughout.
I like the backing tracks - good choices.
Take care ...
Alan
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Dewey, an extremely clever song.
I liked the lyrics are they are now.
Although I liked your backing band I think Floyd is onto something. A novelty song about a deer sounds like it would go better with a redneck country band. You know a standup bass, fiddle, banjo, jugs, and maybe spoons or foot stomping.
Regardless I really did like this song.
OK, a random thought;
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who's not buying it?
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Humorous as all get out. Clever lyrics. loaded with puns. Great song. Reminds me of my hunting days in the U.P.
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Love the voice, the melody and arrangement.
The vore element is a bit hmmm...
"vorarephilia
noun
A paraphilia and a fetish, chiefly practiced by role-playing, involving the devouring of or being devoured by another person or creature—whether alive and whole ("soft vore"), or with gore or killing ("hard vore")."
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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Dewey...almost every guy I know could use this as their personal anthem...where I live the deer are thick as flees and hunting season is a much anticipated time...regardless of that the song is clever and extremely well produced and performed...memorable melody and great vocal (as usual)...loved it!
www.soundclick.com/firesongBiaB 2024, Steinberg Cubase Pro 13, Wavelab 11.2, SpetraLayers Pro 10, Audacity, Steinberg UR44 Interface, Yamaha Genos, Roland FP60 and FP10, Windows 10 You are who you are because you do what you do because of what you believe.
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Dewey,
As others have said - very clever and well written. Much enjoyed. Great mix.
Bob
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"My intent was to make it sound like a love song but, twisted from guy-gal to hunter-deer." Deer/Dear  And that you did! Interesting lyric notion and you made it work. Nice mix and vocals too. As ES said, "Humorous as all get out. Clever lyrics. loaded with puns. Great song." Yep. Enjoyed it. J&B PS We don't hunt but live in a forest and have to blow the horn to get them outa the driveway!
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When I was small child I used to have dreams about writing, directing and starring in a movie about a herd of deer who declared open season on human beings.
The people they decided to take out first were bad country music singers writing songs about drinking, chasing women, driving trucks and shooting deer.
I think it may be time for me to revisit that movie or at least the song.
It's going to be a real gut buster. I know it's going to make everybody laugh and be a real forum hit hahaha.
It's going to be funny y'all!! Where will those poor little country singers hide!!!! Ha ha ha!!!!!
Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!
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Excellent lyric. Super vocal. Well done
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Dewey,
That is one fun tune! Excellent word play and phrasing. Vocals are spot on. Mix is clear and listens very well. Thank you for sharing.
Misha.
P.S. I am not a hunter, but local deer is way out of control. Car accidents, deforestation, ticks you name it. They got rid of wolves long ago, so there almost no natural predators to keep them in natural cycle. Last winter they got so hungry they ate my holly and mugo pine! I wish they would allow hunters to harvest more to try to balance things.
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