Hi Vic,

What a very nice action of you to come with these suggestions on the lyrics.
And you know what your first post did to me?
It still keeps me busy about those lyrics.
Of course I know I can't sound like an American. I don't want that.

I also can't write lyrics in slang. But I try, because I like to reach that level.

I checked my chorus at ChatGTP and asked if the language used in the chorus was correct.
It said it was, although it prefered 'anything' above 'any'...

My comment on some of your suggestions:
In my first verse I uses 'a' night. And in 'that' night I became afraid (for the first time).
In the second verse I used In the middle of 'the' night (as a synonym for 'every').
That's the continuation of that first night.
So every night since then I became more afraid.

I used the simple past tense because I looked back at what happened to me then.
That also refers to the words 'buzzed and swirled', because it happend in the past (of each night) .
Though I think to accept your suggestions there, because in the second verse i used the present time too.

In the chorus I chose 'I always slept so well' because of the rhythm of those words. 'Easily" uses an extra syllable.
Probably your words are more correct,but it's that rhythm I need too.

You use an interesting frase: 'come morning'. I think this must be slang(?)
I thought it would mean something like 'the following morning,or the coming morning'.
I used my frase for 'every morning'.
It feels as if your frase has another meaning then what I chose.
But as I said, I don't know for sure. It's a feeling.

Also with your line 'Problems were driving me insane'.
It's not that the problems were driving me crazy, but after staying awake all night, I had to conclude that I couldn't solve any of them.

I take all your suggestions about words in the present or past tense with me. Don't know when I can alter my song yet, but it will come!
So thanks again, and a lot, for all the work you did.

Hans

Originally Posted by vicarn
Hullo again, Hans
A few suggestions below.

Vic.

In the middle of the night I lay with my eyes wide open
Because of all the tensions that can't wait
Buzzing around me like angry birds (raging and angry have the same meaning in this context so lose one of them)
And those nights I became so afraid (It seems you are having more than one sleepless night so use "those nights").

chorus
I used to slept so easily, but then the world changed (easily is a better word to use in my opinion)
Problems were driving me insane
Wars, hatred, and greedy ego's, there are so many
But come morning I hadn't solved any (This chorus is mainly in the past tense so use the word "hadn't ").

In the middle of the night I have my eyes wide open
Disturbing thoughts that cannot wait
They swirl around me like bloodthirsty bats
And each night I become more afraid (This verse is present tense so the words would be "swirl" and "become")

Hans Berkhout
(Birchwood)
https://soundcloud.com/user-296497130