In my experience, the Select Soloist dialog is the only way to get the lead-in you describe. The Bar Settings don't take phrasing into consideration. It just is on or off. Using the Custom button, as LynB described, will also allow you to extend the solo an extra beat. I think you'll be pleased with the results.

I don't think RealBand gives you this flexibility. The lead-in and extra bar are not options. I use BIAB to create these type of solos and export them to RB.