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Starting point for this song. Thanks for listening and any feedback. We Got It Right V1: When I was young I always dreamed that I become someone other than the man I am today and after all these years it’s all so very clear that the road ends with who I am today and I am fine with that because of you Chorus: With you I got a friend won’t change direction like the wind you’re a fixture in my life Oh Baby you and me we got it right V2: Been chasing rainbows for years and shedding a few tears but now I find myself at home I finally settled down in this quite little town left the noise and the city behind and I never could have managed that without you Chorus: With you I got a friend won’t change direction like the wind you’re a fixture in my life Oh Baby you and me we got it right Solo: Chorus: With you I got a friend won’t change direction like the wind you’re a fixture in my life Oh Baby you and me we got it right Oh Baby you and me we got it right
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Hey, welcome to the forum!
That sounds great and is a excellent foray into this forum community.
There are a lot of things that are really "right" about this song, including the structure, the lyrics, the hook, the instrumentation and the spirit behind it.
Congratulations on all of that!
There are a lot of songwriters around here so feel free to tell people how much constructive criticism you want and that kind of thing as you go along, because people can keep it light or go as deep as you want to if you want ideas on phrasing or mixing or anything, since I am assuming that you have serious goals as a songwriter.
But this certainly is a wonderful start and once again welcome to the forum!
🙂
Also I'll give you a tip since you're brand new.
There is almost an exact one-to-one ratio on how many views and comments a person gets and the number of comments that they give on the other people in the community.
Some people are missing the math equation on that.
Just to let you know that if you participate wholeheartedly in this forum you're going to get an incredible amount of helpful and supportive feedback from everyone around you.
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Welcome to the forum! Very pretty song, and nice playing/vocals. Nicely mixed, too. I'd be interested in which instruments were played and which were BiaB, as they all sound perfect to me.
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
Presonus Studio One
StudioCat DAW dual screen
Presonus Faderport 16
Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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Thanks David. I understand and have been listening to everyone's songs just haven't had the time to comment yet.
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Hi DC Ron, I guess I should have added that.
It's a pretty simple song just the drums. Everything else is me and I am obviously no great musician. I joined the forum hoping to pickup knowledge from others.
Very impressed with what you did on ' So Far Away'.
Eastman E10d Acoustic
Telecaster Electric
Cheap - Casio LK-100 keyboard, Bass, Piano, Orchestra
All going through a Yamaha MG10xu mixer.
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That's a great song. It sounds very early 70s country to me, which I really like.
Excellent job.
Bob
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gman97040
Welcome to the forum, you've landed in a good place! There are many folks around here who really know how to put a tune together and can offer constructive criticism without being rude which is what any budding songwriter/producer needs!
I echo David's comments completely!
You've got a very nice voice and look forward to hearing your work!
Great job with this introductory piece it sounds great!
Take care, TB
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Good song, good vocals, well produced. Everything as it should be. Welcome to the showcase, gman 
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Cool song. Do you know how long it's been since I've heard a song with whistling in it? The last one I can recall is Winds of Change by the Scorpions.
Nice mellow song.
You can find my music at: www.herbhartley.comAdd nothing that adds nothing to the music. You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both. The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.
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Hey Gman, great to have you aboard. I think you'll like it here. Great entry piece for the forum. I think your vocal stands out very well on this, and I think you've got a voice that lends itself well to country music. Nice write with a lot of feeling here. I think a little more instrumentation with some of the availble Biab tracks and maybe some background vocals would polish this up nicely. I'm looking forward to hearing more of your stuff.
Brad
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Gman, welcome to the forums.
Your first song is a killer song!
Great vocal and lyrics.
Outstanding mix.
Are you playing the lead guitar? It sounds great.
You got this one right!
I got banned from Weight Watchers for dropping a bag of M&Ms on the floor.
It was the best game of Hungry Hippos I've ever seen!
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
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Hi, gman97040. Welcome to the forum! You've got a nice voice, and play well - I enjoyed listening to the song. I'll offer some thoughts, but I can't guarantee they've got any value. I certainly can't claim to have any secrets to writing a great song. So take them all with a huge grain of salt.  I'm not sure the drums are the best match for this song - the eighth notes on the snare don't match the other instruments. It seems there are places where the instruments fighting each other rhythmically - for example, in the introduction at 0:17, things get a bit out of sync, and also around 0:24. I feel like there should be more change in instrumentation between the sections. For example, the constant strumming of the guitar could be drop out at the start of the verse. There should be more change between the instrumentation of the verse and chorus as well. Here's the first verse: When I was young
I always dreamed that I'd become
someone other than
the man I am today
and after
all these years
it’s all so very clear
that the road ends
with who I am today
and I am fine with that
because of youYou've got all these... arbitrary pauses... in your song... in order to make it... fit into the music. This is less than ideal. The music and chords should be constructed so they fit together seamlessly. Breaking them this way also makes it harder to hear the rhythmic structure, and the rhyme scheme. You can sometimes get away with this in a verse, because it has a sort of "talking" feel rather than "sung". But it's not a strong choice. The harmony is static, and the melody fairly flat. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, since that's typical for a lot of verses. The rhymes - young/become, years/clear - are "false" rhymes, and you've repeated today. There's a long gap between the verse and the chorus. Since the chorus is the answer to the verses, going right into the chorus without that pause would work better. Here's the chorus: (With) you I got a friend
won’t change direction
like the wind
you’re a fixture
in my life
Oh Baby you and me
we got it rightYou're doing the same thing you did with the verse - adding gaps so it better fits. And it's more of an issue here, because you need your chorus to be melodically strong and memorable, but adding gaps creates the exact opposite effect. Remove the gaps, and the rhymes and structure appear: (With) you I got a friend
won’t change direction like the wind
you’re a fixture in my life
Oh Baby you and me we got it rightWhile "fixture" has the meaning you're looking for, I associate a "fixture" with furniture and bathtubs. Perhaps consider a different word? Once again, you're using "false" rhymes - friend/wind, life/right. I've mentioned already that the chorus sounds a lot like the verse. Since I struggle with this myself, I can only unhelpfully suggest "make it sound more like a chorus".  I'm not sure the chorus supports the song title of "We Got It Right". The lyric isn't about how the two of them work together, but how the narrator is now grounded because their significant other is a "friend" who "won't change direction" and is "a fixture" in their life. Reading through the lyrics, I can't find any description of what the narrator has done in return, or how they are a team. That may not matter at all. I've got no idea if any of this is helpful or not. If not... that's cool.
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Hi Brad, thanks for listening and your input too. I agree with what you mentioned. Thanks
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Hi Mario, Yes Sir that is me playing my Tele. I don't claim to be a great lead guitarist but when your recording you get as many takes as you want. Thanks for listening and the welcome.
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Hey, thanks for the deep analysis of my song. Seems like I signed up for the right forum. I appreciate all the suggestions you made. Some of the suggestions I kind of new anyways, but being a novice songwriter I let it slide. What I like about a lot of your advise is it can be true for any song I might right.
Thanks for taking the time to listen and the deep dive into my song I found it very useful.
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Thanks Mr. Guitarhacker. I like your screen name. Funny your comment about the whistling, Your not the first person to mention "Winds Of Change" by the Scorpions.
Thanks for Listening.
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Thanks Torrey. I'm getting some useful feedback and I appreciate the welcome.
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Love that Whistle in the intro ... I like the laid back style, and feel, almost talking the lyrics. Production is spot on. Nice Job
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Big welcome to the forum, gman. There were no credits, but is that you whistling, too? Excellent radio-ready vocal. I like David Cuny's suggestion of changing the strumming guitar for parts to keep it more dynamic. You have a good write here, and a fine production. Keep 'em coming. Much enjoyed.
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Welcome to the Showcase, Gman.
A good entry...
The BIAB tracks works nicely for this.
Your vocals are "comfortable". Nice.
This has a sound and feel of much of the music I grew up with. David Wiffen comes to mind (a Canadian singer-songwriter that few know)
fj
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