|
Log in to post
|
Print Thread |
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Apr 2024
Posts: 24
Enthusiast
|
OP
Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2024
Posts: 24 |
Starting point for this song. Thanks for listening and any feedback. We Got It Right V1: When I was young I always dreamed that I become someone other than the man I am today and after all these years it’s all so very clear that the road ends with who I am today and I am fine with that because of you Chorus: With you I got a friend won’t change direction like the wind you’re a fixture in my life Oh Baby you and me we got it right V2: Been chasing rainbows for years and shedding a few tears but now I find myself at home I finally settled down in this quite little town left the noise and the city behind and I never could have managed that without you Chorus: With you I got a friend won’t change direction like the wind you’re a fixture in my life Oh Baby you and me we got it right Solo: Chorus: With you I got a friend won’t change direction like the wind you’re a fixture in my life Oh Baby you and me we got it right Oh Baby you and me we got it right
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 8,341
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 8,341 |
Hey, welcome to the forum!
That sounds great and is a excellent foray into this forum community.
There are a lot of things that are really "right" about this song, including the structure, the lyrics, the hook, the instrumentation and the spirit behind it.
Congratulations on all of that!
There are a lot of songwriters around here so feel free to tell people how much constructive criticism you want and that kind of thing as you go along, because people can keep it light or go as deep as you want to if you want ideas on phrasing or mixing or anything, since I am assuming that you have serious goals as a songwriter.
But this certainly is a wonderful start and once again welcome to the forum!
🙂
Also I'll give you a tip since you're brand new.
There is almost an exact one-to-one ratio on how many views and comments a person gets and the number of comments that they give on the other people in the community.
Some people are missing the math equation on that.
Just to let you know that if you participate wholeheartedly in this forum you're going to get an incredible amount of helpful and supportive feedback from everyone around you.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,708
Veteran
|
Veteran
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,708 |
Welcome to the forum! Very pretty song, and nice playing/vocals. Nicely mixed, too. I'd be interested in which instruments were played and which were BiaB, as they all sound perfect to me.
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
Presonus Studio One
StudioCat DAW dual screen
Presonus Faderport 16
Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Apr 2024
Posts: 24
Enthusiast
|
|
OP
Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2024
Posts: 24 |
Thanks David. I understand and have been listening to everyone's songs just haven't had the time to comment yet.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Apr 2024
Posts: 24
Enthusiast
|
|
OP
Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2024
Posts: 24 |
Hi DC Ron, I guess I should have added that.
It's a pretty simple song just the drums. Everything else is me and I am obviously no great musician. I joined the forum hoping to pickup knowledge from others.
Very impressed with what you did on ' So Far Away'.
Eastman E10d Acoustic
Telecaster Electric
Cheap - Casio LK-100 keyboard, Bass, Piano, Orchestra
All going through a Yamaha MG10xu mixer.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 8,120
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 8,120 |
That's a great song. It sounds very early 70s country to me, which I really like.
Excellent job.
Bob
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 5,468
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 5,468 |
gman97040
Welcome to the forum, you've landed in a good place! There are many folks around here who really know how to put a tune together and can offer constructive criticism without being rude which is what any budding songwriter/producer needs!
I echo David's comments completely!
You've got a very nice voice and look forward to hearing your work!
Great job with this introductory piece it sounds great!
Take care, TB
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 2,388
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Jul 2022
Posts: 2,388 |
Good song, good vocals, well produced. Everything as it should be. Welcome to the showcase, gman 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 10,379
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 10,379 |
Cool song. Do you know how long it's been since I've heard a song with whistling in it? The last one I can recall is Winds of Change by the Scorpions.
Nice mellow song.
You can find my music at: www.herbhartley.comAdd nothing that adds nothing to the music. You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both. The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Feb 2022
Posts: 1,031
Expert
|
|
Expert
Joined: Feb 2022
Posts: 1,031 |
Hey Gman, great to have you aboard. I think you'll like it here. Great entry piece for the forum. I think your vocal stands out very well on this, and I think you've got a voice that lends itself well to country music. Nice write with a lot of feeling here. I think a little more instrumentation with some of the availble Biab tracks and maybe some background vocals would polish this up nicely. I'm looking forward to hearing more of your stuff.
Brad
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 23,276
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 23,276 |
Gman, welcome to the forums.
Your first song is a killer song!
Great vocal and lyrics.
Outstanding mix.
Are you playing the lead guitar? It sounds great.
You got this one right!
I got banned from Weight Watchers for dropping a bag of M&Ms on the floor.
It was the best game of Hungry Hippos I've ever seen!
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 7,624
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 7,624 |
Hi, gman97040. Welcome to the forum! You've got a nice voice, and play well - I enjoyed listening to the song. I'll offer some thoughts, but I can't guarantee they've got any value. I certainly can't claim to have any secrets to writing a great song. So take them all with a huge grain of salt.  I'm not sure the drums are the best match for this song - the eighth notes on the snare don't match the other instruments. It seems there are places where the instruments fighting each other rhythmically - for example, in the introduction at 0:17, things get a bit out of sync, and also around 0:24. I feel like there should be more change in instrumentation between the sections. For example, the constant strumming of the guitar could be drop out at the start of the verse. There should be more change between the instrumentation of the verse and chorus as well. Here's the first verse: When I was young
I always dreamed that I'd become
someone other than
the man I am today
and after
all these years
it’s all so very clear
that the road ends
with who I am today
and I am fine with that
because of youYou've got all these... arbitrary pauses... in your song... in order to make it... fit into the music. This is less than ideal. The music and chords should be constructed so they fit together seamlessly. Breaking them this way also makes it harder to hear the rhythmic structure, and the rhyme scheme. You can sometimes get away with this in a verse, because it has a sort of "talking" feel rather than "sung". But it's not a strong choice. The harmony is static, and the melody fairly flat. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, since that's typical for a lot of verses. The rhymes - young/become, years/clear - are "false" rhymes, and you've repeated today. There's a long gap between the verse and the chorus. Since the chorus is the answer to the verses, going right into the chorus without that pause would work better. Here's the chorus: (With) you I got a friend
won’t change direction
like the wind
you’re a fixture
in my life
Oh Baby you and me
we got it rightYou're doing the same thing you did with the verse - adding gaps so it better fits. And it's more of an issue here, because you need your chorus to be melodically strong and memorable, but adding gaps creates the exact opposite effect. Remove the gaps, and the rhymes and structure appear: (With) you I got a friend
won’t change direction like the wind
you’re a fixture in my life
Oh Baby you and me we got it rightWhile "fixture" has the meaning you're looking for, I associate a "fixture" with furniture and bathtubs. Perhaps consider a different word? Once again, you're using "false" rhymes - friend/wind, life/right. I've mentioned already that the chorus sounds a lot like the verse. Since I struggle with this myself, I can only unhelpfully suggest "make it sound more like a chorus".  I'm not sure the chorus supports the song title of "We Got It Right". The lyric isn't about how the two of them work together, but how the narrator is now grounded because their significant other is a "friend" who "won't change direction" and is "a fixture" in their life. Reading through the lyrics, I can't find any description of what the narrator has done in return, or how they are a team. That may not matter at all. I've got no idea if any of this is helpful or not. If not... that's cool.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Apr 2024
Posts: 24
Enthusiast
|
|
OP
Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2024
Posts: 24 |
Hi Brad, thanks for listening and your input too. I agree with what you mentioned. Thanks
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Apr 2024
Posts: 24
Enthusiast
|
|
OP
Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2024
Posts: 24 |
Hi Mario, Yes Sir that is me playing my Tele. I don't claim to be a great lead guitarist but when your recording you get as many takes as you want. Thanks for listening and the welcome.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Apr 2024
Posts: 24
Enthusiast
|
|
OP
Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2024
Posts: 24 |
Hey, thanks for the deep analysis of my song. Seems like I signed up for the right forum. I appreciate all the suggestions you made. Some of the suggestions I kind of new anyways, but being a novice songwriter I let it slide. What I like about a lot of your advise is it can be true for any song I might right.
Thanks for taking the time to listen and the deep dive into my song I found it very useful.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Apr 2024
Posts: 24
Enthusiast
|
|
OP
Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2024
Posts: 24 |
Thanks Mr. Guitarhacker. I like your screen name. Funny your comment about the whistling, Your not the first person to mention "Winds Of Change" by the Scorpions.
Thanks for Listening.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Apr 2024
Posts: 24
Enthusiast
|
|
OP
Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2024
Posts: 24 |
Thanks Torrey. I'm getting some useful feedback and I appreciate the welcome.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 851
Expert
|
|
Expert
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 851 |
Love that Whistle in the intro ... I like the laid back style, and feel, almost talking the lyrics. Production is spot on. Nice Job
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 4,454
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 4,454 |
Big welcome to the forum, gman. There were no credits, but is that you whistling, too? Excellent radio-ready vocal. I like David Cuny's suggestion of changing the strumming guitar for parts to keep it more dynamic. You have a good write here, and a fine production. Keep 'em coming. Much enjoyed.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
User Showcase
|
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 12,469
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 12,469 |
Welcome to the Showcase, Gman.
A good entry...
The BIAB tracks works nicely for this.
Your vocals are "comfortable". Nice.
This has a sound and feel of much of the music I grew up with. David Wiffen comes to mind (a Canadian singer-songwriter that few know)
fj
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ask sales and support questions about Band-in-a-Box using natural language.
ChatPG's knowledge base includes the full Band-in-a-Box User Manual and sales information from the website.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
New RealTracks Released with Band-in-a-Box 2025!
We’ve expanded the Band-in-a-Box® RealTracks library with 202 incredible new RealTracks (in sets 449-467) across Jazz, Blues, Funk, World, Pop, Rock, Country, Americana, and Praise & Worship—featuring your most requested styles!
Jazz, Blues & World (Sets 449–455):
These RealTracks includes “Soul Jazz” with Neil Swainson (bass), Mike Clark (drums), Charles Treadway (organ), Miles Black (piano), and Brent Mason (guitar). Enjoy “Requested ’60s” jazz, classic acoustic blues with Colin Linden, and more of our popular 2-handed piano soloing. Plus, a RealTracks first—Tango with bandoneon, recorded in Argentina!
Rock & Pop (Sets 456–461):
This collection includes Disco, slap bass ‘70s/‘80s pop, modern and ‘80s metal with Andy Wood, and a unique “Songwriter Potpourri” featuring Chinese folk instruments, piano, banjo, and more. You’ll also find a muted electric guitar style (a RealTracks first!) and “Producer Layered Guitar” styles for slick "produced" sound.
Country, Americana & Praise (Sets 462–467):
We’ve added new RealTracks across bro country, Americana, praise & worship, vintage country, and songwriter piano. Highlights include Brent Mason (electric guitar), Eddie Bayers (drums), Doug Jernigan (pedal steel), John Jarvis (piano), Glen Duncan (banjo, mandolin & fiddle), Mike Harrison (electric bass) and more—offering everything from modern sounds to heartfelt Americana styles
Check out all the 202 New RealTracks (in sets 456-467)
And, if you are looking for more, the 2025 49-PAK (for $49) includes an additional 20 RealTracks with exciting new sounds and genre-spanning styles. Enjoy RealTracks firsts like Chinese instruments (guzheng & dizi), the bandoneon in an authentic Argentine tango trio, and the classic “tic-tac” baritone guitar for vintage country.
You’ll also get slick ’80s metal guitar from Andy Wood, modern metal with guitarist Nico Santora, bass player Nick Schendzielos, and drummer Aaron Stechauner, more praise & worship, indie-folk, modern/bro country with Brent Mason, and “Songwriter Americana” with Johnny Hiland.
Plus, enjoy user-requested styles like Soul Jazz RealDrums, fast Celtic Strathspey guitar, and Chill Hop piano & drums!
The 2025 49-PAK is loaded with other great new add-ons as well. Learn more about the 2025 49-PAK!
Bonus PAKs for Band-in-a-Box 2025 for Mac!
With your version 2025 for Mac Pro, MegaPAK, UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, Audiophile Edition or PlusPAK purchase, we'll include a Bonus PAK full of great new Add-ons FREE! Or upgrade to the 2025 49-PAK for only $49 to receive even more NEW Add-ons including 20 additional RealTracks!
These PAKs are loaded with additional add-ons to supercharge your Band-in-a-Box®!
This Free Bonus PAK includes:
- The 2025 RealCombos Booster PAK:
-For Pro customers, this includes 33 new RealTracks and 65+ new RealStyles.
-For MegaPAK customers, this includes 29 new RealTracks and 45+ new RealStyles.
-For UltraPAK customers, this includes 20 new RealStyles.
- Look Ma! More MIDI 13: Country & Americana
- Instrumental Studies Set 22: 2-Hand Piano Soloing - Rhythm Changes
- MIDI SuperTracks Set 44: Jazz Piano
- Artist Performance Set 17: Songs with Vocals 7
- Playable RealTracks Set 4
- RealDrums Stems Set 7: Jazz with Mike Clark
- SynthMaster Sounds and Styles (with audio demos)
- 128 GM MIDI Patch Audio Demos.
Looking for more great add-ons, then upgrade to the 2025 49-PAK for just $49 and you'll get:
- 20 Bonus Unreleased RealTracks and RealDrums with 20 RealStyles,
- FLAC Files (lossless audio files) for the 20 Bonus Unreleased RealTracks and RealDrums
- Look Ma! More MIDI 14: SynthMaster,
- Instrumental Studies Set 23: More '80s Hard Rock Soloing,
- MIDI SuperTracks Set 45: More SynthMaster
- Artist Performance Set 18: Songs with Vocals 8
- RealDrums Stems Set 8: Pop, Funk & More with Jerry Roe
Learn more about the Bonus PAKs for Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Mac®!
New! Xtra Styles PAK 20 for Band-in-a-Box 2025 and Higher for Mac!
Xtra Styles PAK 20 for Mac & Windows Band-in-a-Box version 2025 (and higher) is here with 200 brand new RealStyles!
We're excited to bring you our latest and greatest in the all new Xtra Styles PAK 20 for Band-in-a-Box! This fresh installment is packed with 200 all-new styles spanning the rock & pop, jazz, and country genres you've come to expect, as well as the exciting inclusion of electronic styles!
In this PAK you’ll discover: Minimalist Modern Funk, New Wave Synth Pop, Hard Bop Latin Groove, Gospel Country Shuffle, Cinematic Synthwave, '60s Motown, Funky Lo-Fi Bossa, Heavy 1980s Metal, Soft Muted 12-8 Folk, J-Pop Jazz Fusion, and many more!
All the Xtra Styles PAKs 1 - 20 are on special for only $29 each (reg $49), or get all 209 PAKs for $199 (reg $399)! Order now!
Learn more and listen to demos of the Xtra Styles PAK 20.
Video: Xtra Styles PAK 20 Overview & Styles Demos: Watch now!
Note: The Xtra Styles require the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition of Band-in-a-Box®. (Xtra Styles PAK 20 requires the 2025 or higher UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition. They will not work with the Pro or MegaPAK version because they need the RealTracks from the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition.
New! XPro Styles PAK 9 for Band-in-a-Box 2025 and higher for Mac!
We've just released XPro Styles PAK 9 for Mac & Windows Band-in-a-Box version 2025 (and higher) with 100 brand new RealStyles, plus 29 RealTracks/RealDrums!
We've been hard at it to bring you the latest and greatest in this 9th installment of our popular XPro Styles PAK series! Included are 75 styles spanning the rock & pop, jazz, and country genres (25 styles each) that fans have come to expect, as well as 25 styles in this volume's wildcard genre: funk & R&B!
If you're itching to get a sneak peek at what's included in XPro Styles PAK 9, here is a small helping of what you can look forward to: Funky R&B Horns, Upbeat Celtic Rock, Jazz Fusion Salsa, Gentle Indie Folk, Cool '60s Soul, Funky '70s R&B, Smooth Jazz Hip Hop, Acoustic Rockabilly Swing, Funky Reggae Dub, Dreamy Retro Latin Jazz, Retro Soul-Rock Fusion, and much more!
Special Pricing! Until July 31, 2024, all the XPro Styles PAKs 1 - 9 are on sale for only $29 ea (Reg. $49 ea), or get them all in the XPro Styles PAK Bundle for only $149 (reg. $299)! Order now!
Learn more and listen to demos of XPro Styles PAKs.
Video: XPro Styles PAK 9 Overview & Styles Demos: Watch now!
XPro Styles PAKs require Band-in-a-Box® 2025 or higher and are compatible with ANY package, including the Pro, MegaPAK, UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, and Audiophile Edition.
New! Xtra Styles PAK 20 for Band-in-a-Box 2025 and Higher for Windows!
Xtra Styles PAK 20 for Windows & Mac Band-in-a-Box version 2025 (and higher) is here with 200 brand new RealStyles!
We're excited to bring you our latest and greatest in the all new Xtra Styles PAK 20 for Band-in-a-Box! This fresh installment is packed with 200 all-new styles spanning the rock & pop, jazz, and country genres you've come to expect, as well as the exciting inclusion of electronic styles!
In this PAK you’ll discover: Minimalist Modern Funk, New Wave Synth Pop, Hard Bop Latin Groove, Gospel Country Shuffle, Cinematic Synthwave, '60s Motown, Funky Lo-Fi Bossa, Heavy 1980s Metal, Soft Muted 12-8 Folk, J-Pop Jazz Fusion, and many more!
All the Xtra Styles PAKs 1 - 20 are on special for only $29 each (reg $49), or get all 209 PAKs for $199 (reg $399)! Order now!
Learn more and listen to demos of the Xtra Styles PAK 20.
Video: Xtra Styles PAK 20 Overview & Styles Demos: Watch now!
Note: The Xtra Styles require the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition of Band-in-a-Box®. (Xtra Styles PAK 20 requires the 2025 or higher UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition. They will not work with the Pro or MegaPAK version because they need the RealTracks from the UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition.
New! XPro Styles PAK 9 for Band-in-a-Box 2025 and higher for Windows!
We've just released XPro Styles PAK 9 for Windows & Mac Band-in-a-Box version 2025 (and higher) with 100 brand new RealStyles, plus 29 RealTracks/RealDrums!
We've been hard at it to bring you the latest and greatest in this 9th installment of our popular XPro Styles PAK series! Included are 75 styles spanning the rock & pop, jazz, and country genres (25 styles each) that fans have come to expect, as well as 25 styles in this volume's wildcard genre: funk & R&B!
If you're itching to get a sneak peek at what's included in XPro Styles PAK 9, here is a small helping of what you can look forward to: Funky R&B Horns, Upbeat Celtic Rock, Jazz Fusion Salsa, Gentle Indie Folk, Cool '60s Soul, Funky '70s R&B, Smooth Jazz Hip Hop, Acoustic Rockabilly Swing, Funky Reggae Dub, Dreamy Retro Latin Jazz, Retro Soul-Rock Fusion, and much more!
Special Pricing! Until July 31, 2024, all the XPro Styles PAKs 1 - 9 are on sale for only $29 ea (Reg. $49 ea), or get them all in the XPro Styles PAK Bundle for only $149 (reg. $299)! Order now!
Learn more and listen to demos of XPro Styles PAKs.
Video: XPro Styles PAK 9 Overview & Styles Demos: Watch now!
XPro Styles PAKs require Band-in-a-Box® 2025 or higher and are compatible with ANY package, including the Pro, MegaPAK, UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, and Audiophile Edition.
Video: Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Mac®: VST3 Plugin Support
Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Mac® now includes support for VST3 plugins, alongside VST and AU. Use them with MIDI or audio tracks for even more creative possibilities in your music production.
Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Macs®: VST3 Plugin Support
Video: Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Mac®: Using VST3 Plugins
Join the conversation on our forum.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Forums58
Topics84,395
Posts778,648
Members39,646
| |
Most Online25,754
Jan 24th, 2025
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Dansk
Deutsch - Windows
Español
Français - Windows
Italiano - Windows
Nederlands
Polski
Português
Svenskt
русский
Japanese
Simplified Chinese
Traditional Chinese
Korean